S is for Silence

Saturday morning, the Fourth, Liza called the Cramer house. She hoped to have a conversation with Kathy in which she could casually mention her mother’s illness to reinforce the fib. Telling the same lie more than once made it seem more real. Mrs. Cramer answered and said Kathy really wasn’t able to come to the phone. Her voice was chilly, and Liza knew Kathy had blabbed to her about their fight. “Well, would you tell her I called?”

“Of course.”

Liza didn’t see how Kathy would ever find out she was babysitting for Violet instead of staying at home with her mother as she’d claimed. Ty had begged her to let him come over to the Sullivans’ and keep her company and, of course, she’d agreed. Early in the afternoon she wandered over to Violet’s. Foley was off somewhere, and Liza was hoping she and Violet could have a heart-to-heart talk. Unfortunately, Daisy was in the bedroom, playing with her paper dolls, and it didn’t seem advisable, given the subject matter. She’d hung out for a while and then she’d gone home. She sat on the front porch in an old aluminum lawn chair, hoping Kathy would pass the house and see her there.

By 6:15 she was back at the Sullivans’, minding Daisy in the bathtub while Violet and the yapping Pomeranian went out the door. She made sure Daisy dried herself and got in her pj’s. They sat at the kitchen table and ate vanilla ice cream until 8:15. Daisy was easily confused about telling time, so Liza said it was 9:00 and marched her off to bed. Liza gave her the pill Violet’d left and watched as Daisy swallowed it with half a glass of milk. Twenty minutes later she was safely tucked in bed and limp with sleep.

Liza went out the back door and sat down in one of the two lawn chairs that overlooked a scruffy patch of grass. The wooden fence was less than six feet tall, but a thick tangle of honeysuckle spilled over the top, obscuring her view of the street. It was hot and her T-shirt was sticking to her back. She went inside again and sat in the living room, where she turned off the overhead light and let the table fan blow across her face.

At 9:00 she heard Ty scratching at the back screen. He stood outside the door, and the gaze he fixed on her was as hungry and as patient as a fox’s. She let him in and he kissed her, pressing himself against her. For once, she had the presence of mind to slip out of his grip.

“Ty, I’m not going to neck with you in here. What if Daisy wakes up or the Sullivans come back?”

“Come on. Foley’s at the park and I saw Violet barreling down the road in that fancy car of hers. Neither one of them are coming back for hours.”

“I don’t care. I’m not going to do it.”

“How about we go out to my pickup? It’s parked in the alley out back. I spread some blankets in the bed so we can lay there together and look at the stars.”

“Are you crazy? I can’t leave Daisy by herself.”

“I didn’t say we’d go anywhere. It’s just someplace private where we can talk without waking her.”

“I don’t think it’s right. I’m supposed to stay in the house.”

“Did Violet say that specifically?”

“No, but that’s what she pays me to do.”

“Half an hour. An hour. No one’s ever going to know.”

He’d wheedled and coaxed, making it all sound easy and insignificant. Finally, she’d given in and followed him through the yard to his pickup. Of course, the minute they were stretched out in the truck bed he’d started in on her. The night was warm, but Liza found herself shivering. Her fingers were so icy, she had to tuck her hands in her armpits. Ty was solicitous. He’d brought two paper cups and another bottle of Cold Duck. Liza drank more than her share, hoping to quiet her nerves. While they talked, the fireworks display started in Silas. They’d hear thumps and then sprays of green and blue sparkles would erupt, showers of red like umbrellas raining out of the sky. For thirty minutes they watched, transfixed. It was like a movie Liza had seen where this man and woman had been kissing and kissing and the curtains had blown open at the window and the sky had been alight.

After a while she lost track of time, didn’t even care how long they’d been there. She was feeling so close to him. He wrapped his arms around her and murmured against her neck. “How’re you doing, Lies? I gotta take good care of you so you won’t catch cold.” He slid his hand underneath her shirt.

“Oh, don’t.”

“I’m not doing anything.” He unbuttoned her shorts and moved his hand down along her belly.

“Maybe we should stop.”

“Stop what?”

“We can’t keep doing this.”

“Don’t you like it?”

“I do, but I don’t want to go too far, okay?”

“Just let me touch you once,” he said. He’d managed to get a finger between her legs.

She grabbed his hand and held it. “Wait. I can’t do this. I have to go in. What if they get home?”

“They won’t. They never come in before the Moon closes. You know that about them. They’re off drinking and having fun, and we’re right here close by. Violet won’t care. She likes me.”

“I know, but we have to be careful.”

“I will. I’ll be careful. Here, have one more little sip of wine. I’m just so crazy about you, Liza. Don’t you love me even a little bit? I know you love me.” He took the empty cup from her hand and whispered against her hair, kissing her neck and her breasts until she burned. “Be sweet. Please be sweet to me just this one time.”

She should have pulled away, but she felt suspended, passive, as though she had no control over what would happen next. On he went, telling her he loved her, that it was torture not having her when he loved her so much. By then he had her shorts off. “Let me put it in,” he whispered. “Just one time. Please.”

She’d said no at first, but he’d been so excited at the idea and so persistent, she’d relented. What was the harm when she wanted him, too. “You promise you’ll pull out in time?”

“Of course. I swear. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. I love you. You know I do. Angel, I want you so much it’s driving me insane.”

She felt at the same time powerful and afraid, but he was so beautiful and fearless. No one had ever said such incredible things to her. He seemed so sweet and eager. She had her eyes closed, but she could hear the rustling of his clothes. She made a sound at the shock of his naked body against hers. He was smooth and muscular. His skin was hot and he smelled of soap. She couldn’t remember where the jar of Vaseline came from, but there it was. And he was pressing himself and putting her hand on him and moving against her and wanting her to open up to him and then she did. She knew he’d already gone too far, but he’d pushed in. Then he was moving and didn’t seem to hear her feeble protest. He moved and he was moving and then he made a sound like he was lifting something heavy. He groaned, out of breath, and then he slumped over her, relaxed. “Oh, Lies. Oh geez. That was fantastic. That was so beautiful.”

It hadn’t even been a minute. She shifted her hips and he slipped out of her, leaving her goopy and wet.

“What’s the matter? Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay. You said you’d pull out!”

“I’m sorry. I meant to, but I couldn’t help myself. Baby, it just felt so good. I went crazy for a minute and the next thing I knew, it just happened.”

“Shit. What time is it? I gotta go.”

“Not yet. It’s not hardly midnight. Don’t leave me. Here, feel this.” He took her hand and pressed it against him.

She’d stayed where she was, half-underneath him, warm only in the places where his body covered hers. The rest of her was cold, her limbs pi

“You can tell ‘em you came out for a breath of air.”

“Let go of me. Please,” she whispered, but he kissed her again, murmuring, “You’re great. You’re amazing. I love you.”