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"Naturally. I knew it all along. Now about getting me out of here ... "
"There is a kitchen with a back door to it," he said. "They serve meals here during the day. We will go out that way. The barman is a friend of mine. No problem there. Then I will take you a roundabout way to my place. There is a party should be going on there now. Enjoy as much as you want of it and sleep wherever you find a warm corner."
"Sounds very inviting, especially the corner. Thanks."
We finished our drinks and he put the ladies back in his pocket. He went to talk with the bartender and I saw the man nodding. Then he turned and gestured with his eyes toward the rear. I met him at the door to the kitchen.
He guided me through the kitchen and out the back door into an alleyway. I turned up my collar against the continuing drizzle and followed him off to the right. We turned left at an intersecting alley, passed among the dark shapes of trash containers, splashed through a lake of a puddle that soaked my socks and emerged near the middle of the next block.
Three or four blocks and twice as many minutes later, I followed him up the stairs in the building that held his quarters. The dampness had raised a musty smell and the stairs creaked beneath us. As we ascended, I heard faint sounds of music mixed in with voices and a bit of laughter.
We followed the sounds, coming at last to his door. We entered, he performed a dozen or so introductions and took my coat. I found a glass and some ice and some mix, took it and myself and my bottle to a chair and sat down, to talk, watch and hope that enjoyment was contagious while I drank myself into the big blank place that was waiting somewhere for me.
I found it eventually, of course, but not before seeing the party through to the dust-and-ashes stage. As everyone else present was headed along paths that led in the same direction, I did not feel too far removed from the action. Through the haze, the sound, the booze, everything came to seem normal, appropriate and unusually bright, even the re-entrance of Merimee, clad only in a garland of bay leaves and mounted on the small gray donkey that made its home in one of the back rooms. A gri
"Fred?"
"Yes?"
"Before I forget, if you should oversleep in the morning and I'm gone when you get up, the bacon is in the lower drawer on the right in the refrigerator, and I keep the bread in the cupboard to the left. The eggs are in plain sight. Help yourself."
"Thanks. I'll remember that."
"One other thing ... "
He leaned forward and lowered his voice.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking," he said.
"Oh?"
"About this trouble in which you find yourself?"
"Yeah?"
"I do not know quite how to put it ... But ... Do you think it possible you could be killed as a result?"
"I believe so."
"Well-only if it grows extremely pressing, mind you-but I have some acquaintances of a semi-savory sort. If ... If it becomes necessary for your own welfare that some individual predecease you, I would like you to have my phone number committed to memory. Call if you must, identify him and mention where he can be found. I am owed a few favors. That can be one."
"I ... I don't really know what to say. Thank you, of course. I hope I don't have to take you up on it. I never expected-"
"It is the least I could do to protect your Uncle Albert's investment."
"You knew of my Uncle Albert? Of his will? You never mentioned-"
"Knew of him? Al and I were schoolmates at the Sorbo
"Why didn't you mention this years ago?"
"You would have thought I was just pulling it on you to get you to graduate. That would not have been fair-interfering with your choices. Now, though, your present problems override my reticence."
"But-"
"Enough!" he said. "Let there be revelry!"
The dwarf banged the cymbals mightily, and Merimee extended his hand. Someone placed a bottle of wine in it. He threw back his head and drew a long, deep swig. The donkey began to prance. A sleepy-eyed girl seated near the hanging beads suddenly sprang to her feet, tearing at her hair and blouse buttons, crying, "Evoe! Evoe!" the while.
"See you around, Fred."
"Cheers."
At least, that is sort of how I remember it. Oblivion had crept perceptibly nearer by then, was almost touching my collar. I leaned back and let it go to work.
Sleep, that unwrinkleth the drip-dry garment of concern, found me later at that dust-and-ashes place where the people go out one by one. I made it to the mattress in the corner, sprawled there and said good night to the ceiling.
Then-
With the water streaming in the basin, lather on my face, Merimee's razor in my hand and me in the mirror, the mists fell away and there was Mt. Fuji. From this station, couched in the center of my most recent dark space, was the thing I had sought, freed by whatever arcane cue had just occurred:
DO YOU HEAR ME, FRED?
YES.
GOOD. THE UNIT IS PROPERLY PROGRAMMED. OUR PURPOSES WILL BE SERVED.
WHAT ARE OUR PURPOSES?
A SINGLE TRANSFORMATION IS ALL THAT WILL BE NECESSARY NOW.
WHAT SORT OF TRANSFORMATION?
PASSAGE THROUGH THE MOBILATOR OF THE N-AXIAL INVERSION UNIT.
YOU MEAN THE CENTRAL COMPONENT OF THE RHENNIUS MACHINE?
AFFIRMATIVE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO RUN THROUGH IT?
YOURSELF.
MYSELF?
YOURSELF.
WHY?
VITAL TRANSFORMATION.
OF WHAT SORT?
INVERSION, OF COURSE.
WHY INVERT?
NECESSARY. IT WILL SET EVERYTHING IN PROPER ORDER.
BY REVERSING ME?
EXACTLY.
COULD IT BE DANGEROUS TO MY HEALTH?
NO MORE THAN MANY OTHER THINGS YOU DO IN THE COURSE OF YOUR DAILY AFFAIRS.
WHAT ASSURANCE HAVE I OF THIS?
MINE.
IF I RECALL CORRECTLY, YOU ARE A RECORDING.
I-XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXI-XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXI-XXXSPE ICUSPEICUSPEICUSPE ICUSPEICUSXXXXXXXXXXX PEICXXXUSPEIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
NEVER MIND.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXDO YOU HEAR ME, FRED? DO YOU HEAR ME, FRED?
STILL HERE.
WILL YOU DO IT?
JUST ONCE THROUGH THE THING?
CORRECT. BY NO MEANS MORE THAN THAT.
WHY NOT? WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I REPEATED IT?
I AM HAMPERED BY THE LACK OF AN ALGEBRAIC SOLUTION TO A GENERAL EQUATION OF THE FIFTH DEGREE.
JUST TELL ME IN PLAIN WORDS.
IT WOULD BE DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH.
HOW DANGEROUS?
TERMINALLY SO.
I AM NOT CERTAIN I LIKE THE IDEA.
NECESSARY. IT WILL SET EVERYTHING IN PROPER ORDER.
YOU ARE SURE THAT IT WILL HAVE THE EFFECT OF MAKING THINGS CLEARER, OF BRINGING SOME ORDER TO THE PRESENT MUDDLED SITUATION?
OH YESXXXXXXXYESXXYESXXYESYESYES YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESXXXXXXXXYES.
I AM GLAD YOU ARE SO CONFIDENT.
THEN YOU WILL DO IT?
IT IS SUFFICIENTLY BIZARRE TO BE A HAIR OF THE DOG.
PLEASE CLARIFY.
YES. AFFIRMATIVE. I WILL DO IT.
YOU WILL NOT HAVE REGRETS.
LET US HOPE. WHEN SHOULD I BE ABOUT IT?
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
ALL RIGHT I WILL THINK OF SOME WAY TO GET AT IT AGAIN.
THAT THEN IS ALLOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
There it was, in its entirety. Instant replay-only in less time than it took me to raise my hand to my cheek and cut a highway through the lather. My nameless respondent had come through all right, and this time he had promised a satisfying result. I began to hum. Even a shaky assurance of enlightenment is better than indefinite uncertainty.