A Phule and His Money

"Sure, Maestro," said Buster, very patiently. It was the fourth or fifth time he had heard Maestro Z criticize the shortcomings of the rival park's showpiece roller coaster. "We don't want no garbage in our park. That's why we brought you in to design this here ride for us." He shifted another blueprint to the top of the stack and pointed. "Now, remin' me again, what's the load on these-here crossbraces?"

"Zat ees all written out!" said the Maestro, flinging his long locks of hair back over one shoulder. "'Ave you no read ze plan?"

"Over an' over," said Buster. "By now, I may understand it better than the feller what drew it up. What I want to know..."

"Merde! Un'erstan' eet better zan Maestro Zipiti! Per'aps you 'ave ze eye of ze mechanic, but zat is nozzing, nozzing! Ze soul of a genius..."

Buster's voice didn't change. "Yeah, I know you's a genius 'cause you done told us so. Now, maybe you can tell me what's go

Zipiti was outraged. "Zat is too high! I design eet for ninety-five!"

"An' what happens if you get a fat people's convention?" drawled Buster. "We go

The latter exclamation was prompted by a loud explosion, followed by frantic shouts. A cloud of smoke was rising from near the park gates. "'Scuse me, Maestro," said Buster. "I reckon I gotta go see what's up." He turned and sprinted off toward the growing commotion.

Maestro Zipiti peered off into the distance, his face turning red. "Cretins!" he shouted. "Salauds! You sabotage my beautiful rides, I keel you! I keel you all!" The smoke kept rising, and somewhere in the distance a klaxon began to sound. It was the start of another typical day.

The holovision picture showed men and women in hard hats in the background, ru

"New Atlantis Park will be the vindication of our free way of life," Taep was saying. "It will embody the traditional Atlantean values of self-determination, free enterprise, and hard work. And it will be a wonderful vacation experience for the whole family."

"How would you compare it to the new park the government is building, Landoor Park?" said Je

"The government has a false vision of what the people want," said Taep, puffing himself up as if the additional air would add conviction to his words. "They follow the old formula of bread and circuses, empty entertainment. But they care nothing for the soul of the Atlantean people. We will present the heritage of our nation, something to inspire the people and to show the galaxy our rich indigenous culture."

"We understand that your two parks are engaged in quite a competition to build the most exciting thrill ride," said Je

"Thrill rides are the finest expression of the art of New Atlantis," said Taep. "Our rides will draw on the knowledge and skills of our native craftsmen as well as the vision of experts from all over the galaxy."

Phule's communicator buzzed. He turned down the sound on the holoset and said, "What is it, Mother?"

"Sorry to bother you, sweetie, but that Deputy Eastman and Colonel Mays are here again. Want to see them?"

"I suppose there's no point in postponing it," said Phule, sighing. "Send 'em on in."

Moments later the door to Phule's office opened and the two government officials barged through. "There," said Eastman, pointing to the image of Je

"I say it's great publicity for the park," said Phule. "It's been ru

"I expected some such impertinence," said Eastman. He pointed his finger at Phule. "What do you have to say about publishing state secrets? That's espionage, no matter how you slice it."

Phule raised his brows. "State secrets? I can't imagine what you mean."

Mays leaned forward over Phule's desk. "Do you deny tipping your journalist friend about Landoor Park?"

"Of course I deny it," said Phule, leaning back in his desk chair. "Je

"And in the process, you force our hand," said Mays. "If we copy your tactics, we undergo a radical increase in expenses. If we ignore them, you gain the edge in publicity."

"It doesn't cost anything to talk to Je

"We are bound by government regulations," said Eastman. "I would risk a jail sentence for disclosing state secrets. At the very least, I could lose my position."

"If I were you, I'd get the regulations changed," said Phule. "The planet's future depends on it."

"It is you who have put us in this dilemma," said Eastman. His face was red, and his voice had risen in pitch. "You will force us to take extreme measures, if you are not careful."

"Do what you have to," said Phule. "I'll do what I believe is best for the entire planet, not just one faction. Now, gentlemen, is there anything else?"

"Not for the moment," said Colonel Mays, taking Eastman by the elbow and steering him toward the door. "But I can promise you there will be."

There are any number of phrases no executive wants to hear, but most of them boil down to "Boss, we got trouble." Which is what Okidata said as he burst into the Landoor Plaza's dining room. Phule was halfway through a delicious plate of oysters Landoor-a dish Escrima had happily adopted from the local cooks. Bluepoint oysters had been one of Earth's most popular exports to developing worlds. They had done especially well on Landoor.

Phule wiped the spicy sauce from his lips and said, "We've had surprise inspections and smoke bombs and wildcat picket lines and power outages, and we've survived them all. So unless this new problem is incoming missiles, I suspect it can wait while I finish these oysters. Sit down and have a drink. What kind of trouble are we talking about?"

"The government's starting a new ride," said Okidata, sliding into the seat opposite Phule. "And from the look of it, they're aiming to top the Zipper."

"Well, you predicted as much," said Phule, sighing. "We'll have to see what else the Maestro has in his portfolio."

"He'd better have something pretty triff," said Okidata. He was interrupted by the waiter's arrival. After ordering an iced coffee, he turned back to Phule. "We can't tell much about the design yet, but the main drop is five meters higher than the Zipper, and they've got what might be a double loop, the second one an inverse-that's go

"We'll have to do better," said Phule. "Learn as much about the new ride as you can. We'll call in Buster and the Maestro and see what we can come up with. We're not going to let them have the last word."

"Yes, sir!" said Okidata, his enthusiasm returning. "This is going to be fun!"

"I suppose it is," said Phule. "I can tell it's also going to be very expensive."

"Why, sure," said Okidata, beaming. "Isn't that what fun's all about?"