The Zero

“This is she.” He watched her through the binoculars, her lips moving just slightly ahead of the words.

“Hi, this is Mike Brady, with Brady Florists here in town,” Markham continued. “We have an arrangement we’re trying to deliver for you from a…” Papers shuffled. “…Bishir Madain.”

“Oh,” she said, and through the binoculars Remy could see the woman put a hand against her chest, as if she’d just received a compliment. “Bishir? Really?” Her head cocked and she said, “Oh,” again.

“Yeah, sorry to ruin the surprise,” Markham said. “Unfortunately, our computer was down when he called and my kid wrote the information on a piece of paper and then spilled Dr Pepper on it… so we don’t have Mr. Madain’s credit card number or any contact information for him. We can’t deliver without-”

“Oh, I’ll pay for it,” she offered quickly, as if she were used to paying for Bishir.

Clearly, this hadn’t occurred to Markham, who coughed and cleared his throat. “Yeah, that’s against our policy. But if you just could give us Mr. Madain’s phone number, we can clear this all up.”

“I don’t have it,” she said. “I haven’t talked to Bishir in months. I have no idea where he is. That’s why it’s such a pleasant surprise that he’d send me flowers.”

“Oh. No idea where he is?”

“No. None. We had a difficult breakup,” she said. “He wasn’t exactly… committed to the relationship.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Markham said over the earpiece. “And you have no idea-”

“No, none. I’m sorry.”

“That’s too bad.”

“I mean… I assume he’s still in San Francisco. Is that where the call came from?”

“San Francisco,” Markham said, perking up. “Yes.”

“That’s where he said he was moving.”

“Okay, well-”

“Do I get my flowers?”

In his earpiece, Remy heard the line go dead and then:

“Fresca Two, this is Fanta One. How was that? Pretty good, huh?”

Remy ignored him.

“Come on, Brian. I did okay, right? Come on. I know you’re down there. I’m staring right at you.”

Remy wedged himself down in the grass again.

“Hey, did you open those Zingers yet? I’m starving up here, man. I ate all my corn nuts already. You were right. I shouldn’t have gotten corn nuts. Can I have a Zinger?”

Finally, Remy said, “They’re all gone.”

“No they’re not,” Markham said. “No way you eat a whole box of Zingers before eight in the morning. It’s physically impossible. Come on, man.”

“Leave me alone,” Remy said again. “This isn’t even real.” He took off the headset and threw it down in the grass.

It was quiet in the field, but for the rustle of deep grass. Remy looked at the prescription bottle again; then ate another bite of Zinger instead. He couldn’t believe how good it was. He grabbed the box to see the ingredients. There was no mention of the things he could taste: cake, cream, and frosting… it was as if those things didn’t really exist, as if what he believed was a piece of frosted yellow cake was really nothing more than this list of sugars, acids, preservatives, sulfates, and yellow dyes.

“I saw that, you stingy jerk.” Markham’s voice was a tiny whine from the headset lying in the wet grass. “I know you’re-”

LYING NAKED on the queen-size bed, on top of the covers, Remy looked around the hotel room. It was a big room, with a window overlooking a park. He wasn’t sure where – it didn’t look like anyplace in the city he’d ever been. A grove of willows stood guard outside the window, above a meandering river. Remy’s clothes were piled on a chair and a wine bottle sat on the nightstand, half-full, next to a glass with nothing but the dark red rim around the stem. He sat up and poured himself another glass of wine.

Then he heard the toilet flush. He looked at the bathroom door, which was closed. Behind the door, the water ran.

Remy pulled the cover across his lap. A few minutes later, she came out of the bathroom. It was Nicole, April’s boss.

“Oh, Jesus,” Remy said.

“That’s better,” she said. She was wearing a short, red silk robe, tied at the waist. She was holding a glass of wine, the same color as her painted finger and toenails.

“Whew boy,” she said. “I’m not used to the sex taking that long. With Troy it’s more like getting a flu shot.” She took a slug of wine.

“Oh, God,” Remy said. “I didn’t… did I?”

“Oh, I think you did.” She smiled, and then cocked her head. “Oh, no. Are we having second thoughts, hon? I was afraid of that.”

“No. I can’t do this,” Remy said.

“Well, probably not for a few hours, no.”

“Look, I’m sorry but this was wrong… I shouldn’t be here.”

Nicole stood staring at him, and finally took a sip of wine. “Look, if it’s any consolation, no one wants to have done it right after they’ve done it.” She shrugged. “Except maybe teenagers.” She winked. “And women of a certain age.” She set her wine down on the nightstand. “I’ll tell you what… I’m going to go now… I’m not really into the whole… regret part.”

She returned to the bathroom and began getting dressed. Remy caught flashes of her in the mirror, as she wrestled her way back into a pair of unlikely string underwear, and thrust her legs into a pair of black pants. She came out buttoning a pink suit jacket.

Remy was trying to figure out how to explain himself. “Listen, I’m not myself these days. I shouldn’t have… I’m not… entirely in control.”

“Right,” she said, and swilled her wine. “Isn’t that… kind of the point?”

“No,” he said. “I don’t want to hurt April. So… if I try to… sleep with you again… I would really appreciate it if you just ignored me.”

She flinched. “Sure. Will do.” Then she smiled wistfully, slid her feet back into a pair of high heels, and looked back at him, her face red. “You fly me here, feel me up like goddamned airport security, and then, the minute the gun goes off, fall back in love with your girlfriend. I’ll tell you what – it’ll be a huge relief when everything down there finally dries up. Then maybe I can ignore assholes like you.”

Remy put his head in his hands.

She’d regained herself. “You can go back to being a good boyfriend now. I’ll see myself out.” She slipped out into the hall and the door eased closed behind her. After a minute, Remy got to his feet. He fumbled in his pants for the pills his psychiatrist had given him, wondering how long they took to kick in. He opened the bottle and took two more pills. Then he put the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the hotel room doorknob, slid the deadbolt shut, and his head fell against the door.

REMY DRIFTED down the jetway. He fell in behind a couple in matching cargo shorts and backpacks and a woman with a huge baby balanced on her hip, and they all spilled out into the clean terminal, which was mostly empty, a couple dozen travelers waiting at gates, furtive behind newspapers or hunched over cell phones and cups of coffee, as two soldiers moved like shepherds among them, M-16s aimed at the ground. Remy made eye contact with one of the soldiers, who looked him up and down, glanced once more at his eyes, and finally moved on.

Remy stood beneath the sign a

“You have a good time?” Paul asked, as the cop moved on.

“I don’t know.”

“You come back from vacation and you don’t know if you had a good time? What’s the matter with you? You got luggage?”

Remy looked back at the airport. “I don’t think so.”

“Doesn’t look like you got any sun to speak of,” Paul said. “Probably wore sunscreen. That’s the hardest thing for me now – putting on sunscreen. Or fastening my fuggin’ seat belt. All these things that used to seem like common sense… now… I mean… come on? I gotta slather on SP-fuggin’-80? I gotta stop for red fuggin’ lights? I gotta put on oven mitts to take out a hot pan? I mean, come on… oven mitts?” He showed Remy burns on the sides of his thumbs.