Fragile Eternity

“Oh.” Her stomach twisted. He found eternity, but he’d found a queen as well. Aisli

“No. It’s not like that at all.” He scowled. “She’s my queen, my patron, a muse. It’s like having a family, Ash. She’s the mother I never…not that Linda doesn’t love me…but Sorcha is…she’s perfect.”

They sat there silently for a while until she couldn’t stand it anymore. “So now what?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. We figure out how to make it okay?”

But it was very much not okay. He’d risked it all to find forever with her, and she’d had so little faith in what they shared that she’d fallen into Keenan’s arms.

It’s where she was headed already.

He looked at her and admitted to himself that maybe it wasn’t his mortality that had stood in the way, but someone else. As long as she was the Summer Queen, she’d be with Keenan. They’d have their revelry and their meetings and their late-night arguments.

And I just destined myself to watch them do this for decades, for centuries.

“Did you sleep with him?” He waited, needing to hear her say it, needing to know.

“I thought you were gone, and I didn’t want to love anyone else…and he’s my friend…and I care about him and—”

“So that’s a yes?” His heart sounded like it was thundering in his ears.

“No…He turned me down.” She looked like she was going to start weeping. “I just wanted to stop hurting. I felt empty, and the court was weakening from my…wallowing.”

“I love you.” He pulled her to him and kissed her the way he had dreamed of when they were apart. She didn’t resist at all. It was almost like it had been before, but how it was before wasn’t good enough anymore. He’d been patient. He’d been willing to not feel jealous of Keenan because he’d believed that Keenan would be around to love her after he had died.

With effort, he stopped kissing her. “I don’t want to share you with him. Not anymore. I’m not going to die. I’m not going to be so easily broken now. And I’m not going to watch him look at you the same way I do.”

“I can’t walk away from my court.”

“Or him.” Seth could see the threads of possibility. There were paths that twisted and looped. There were possibilities he couldn’t see, which meant that he was in them. In others, though, she was with Keenan.

“He’s my king,” she whispered.

“I know that, but…‘king’ isn’t beloved or lover. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be.” Seth stopped short of telling her what he could see. Now wasn’t the time. “I need to know that he’s not the one you want.”

“I love you,” she said.

“Tell me you don’t feel any love like this”—he brushed his lips across hers—“with him. Tell me you can be around him and not feel like it’s romantic. If he’s your friend, that’s fine, but that isn’t all he is. It hasn’t been for months…long before I left.”

She stared at him, but no words came.

“I’m a faery too. I can’t lie. But I can tell you that there is no one else—faery or mortal—that’s shared my bed since I fell in love with you. I’ve not even considered taking anyone there. There’s no one in my life but you. I don’t want anyone else either. At all. Just you. Forever.”

“What am I to do?” she whispered.

“Start by seeing him for what he really is.”

“Which means?” Her voice rose, and her expression grew tense.

“He knew where I was, Ash.” Seth kept his tone gentle. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he wasn’t going to help Keenan hide his deceits. “Niall knew where to look. So did Keenan. He’s been around long enough to think to check in Faerie.”

“But he couldn’t. Maybe he—”

“Ask him.” Seth shrugged. “He knew where I was. Donia knew. Niall knew. Bananach took me there. Everyone knew. Ask your guards to tell you. Ask the Summer Girls. They might not volunteer it, but if you ask them straight out, they’ll answer you.”

“So you think they all knew”—she folded her arms over her chest, hugging herself—“and no one told me? How could they do that?”

“What would you have done if you had known where I was?”

“Come to Faerie and rescued you.”

“Your court isn’t strong enough for a war, and you were in the midst of summer, impulsive and passionate. If you’d come, it would have been a disaster—which is why Niall didn’t tell you. And Donia…I suspect she kept silent out of love for Keenan. She wouldn’t want to see his—your—court broken, even though he’s hurt her.” He caught Aisli

“He saw me falling apart. My whole court did. They knew how much I hurt.” Aisli

Seth hated that he had to hurt her even more, but this was the issue she hadn’t dealt with. “Tell me you won’t forgive him. Tell me you aren’t trying to figure out right now how it was somehow not as awful as it sounds.”

Aisli

“You forgave his manipulations over making you his queen. You forgave his manipulations that cost your court Niall’s support and almost killed Leslie. And right now, you’re trying to pretend he wasn’t manipulating you again.” Seth wanted her to interrupt him, to tell him he was wrong.

She didn’t.

“You trust him. I don’t know if it’s a queen and king thing or if you’re just trying to see the good in him. He’s not good, though. He’d have had me killed if he thought it served his purpose. I get that. Niall does. You need to see him for who he truly is. For me, for your court, and for yourself.”

“He’s my partner for the rest of eternity.”

“No, he’s a coworker. I’m your partner”—he kissed her forehead—“for eternity if you want me. If he’s your king, your friend, your coworker, that’s all fine. I don’t want to keep you to myself with no other people—or faeries—in your life, but I don’t want to share your heart, especially not with someone who keeps hurting you. If you want to be with him, tell me. If you want to be with me, tell me that. You need to figure out what you truly want, Ash. Come find me when you’re ready to tell me that I’m the only one.”

And he left. It ripped some part of him to pieces, but he wasn’t going to wait around hoping for scraps from Keenan’s table.

Chapter 34

After Seth was gone from her, Sorcha stayed alone in his rooms. She wasn’t quite ready to deal with Devlin or court matters or much of anything. Truth be told, her only desire just then was to follow Seth and help smooth over whatever conflict he found when he went back to the Summer Queen. Aisli

“How very mawkish, sister.” Bananach came in through the garden door. Her shadowy wings were solid now. “Are you pining for your mortal pet?”

“He’s under your king’s protection. Not my pet and not mortal out there.” Sorcha didn’t deign to look at her sister. Now more than ever, the High Queen must appear Unchanged—but she felt the change. Despite War’s presence, Sorcha felt almost in control of her emotions for the first time in an eternity.

“Precious! All the more access to twist his thoughts then.” Bananach picked up one of Seth’s paintbrushes and sniffed it. “Shall I tell you what he’ll find upon his return? Shall I whisper to you of the ash-queen’s weeping and wailing?”

Sorcha tilted her head and gave Bananach a bland smile. Inside, her heart was aching. The Summer Queen was probably no better than any other Summer Court faery—such a tempestuous, fickle lot.