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He came over to the bar, right next to our table, and right away two guys wanted to dance with the girls I brought. They went off to dance, and I was sitting alone at the table when John came over and sat down at my table. “How are yah?” he said. “Whattya doin’ in Vegas?”
I was sure he’d found out about me and his wife. “Just foolin’ around …” (I’ve gotta act tough, right?)
“How long ya been here?”
“Four or five nights.”
“I know ya,” he said. “Didn’t I see you in Florida?”
“Well, I really don’t know.”
He tried this place and that place, and I didn’t know what he was getting at. “I know,” he said; “It was in El Morocco.” (El Morocco was a big nightclub in New York, where a lot of big operators go—like professors of theoretical physics, right?)
“That must have been it,” I said. I was wondering when he was going to get to it. Finally he leaned over to me and said, “Hey, will you introduce me to those girls you’re with when they come back from dancing?”
That’s all he wanted; he didn’t know me from a hole in the wall! So I introduced him, but my show girl friends said they were tired and wanted to go home.
The next afternoon, I saw John Big at the Flamingo, standing at the bar, talking to the bartender about cameras and taking pictures. He must be an amateur photographer: He’s got all these bulbs and cameras, but he says the dumbest things about them. I decided he wasn’t an amateur photographer after all; he was just a rich guy who bought himself some cameras.
I figured by that time that he didn’t know I had been fooling around with his wife; he only wanted to talk to me because of the girls I had. So I thought I would play a game. I’d invent a part for myself: John Big’s assistant.
“Hi, John,” I said. “Let’s take some pictures. I’ll carry your flashbulbs.”
I put the flashbulbs in my pocket, and we started off taking pictures. I’d hand him flashbulbs and give him advice here and there; he likes that stuff.
We went over to the Last Frontier to gamble, and he started to win. The hotels don’t like a high roller to leave, but I could see he wanted to go. The problem was how to do it gracefully.
“John, we have to leave now,” I said in a serious voice.
“But I’m wi
“Yes, but we have made an appointment this afternoon.”
“OK, get my car.”
“Certainly, Mr. Big!” He handed me the keys and told me what it looked like (I didn’t let on that I knew).
I went out to the parking lot, and sure enough, there was this big, fat, wonderful car with the two ante
“I have to quit,” he a
He had me drive the car. “I want to go to the El Rancho,” he said. “Do you know any girls there?”
I knew one girl there rather well, so I said “Yeah.” By this time I felt confident enough that the only reason he was going along with this game I had invented was that he wanted to meet some girls, so I brought up a delicate subject: “I met your wife the other night..
“My wife? My wife’s not here in Las Vegas.”
I told him about the girl I met in the bar.
“Oh! I know who you mean; I met that girl and her friend in Los Angeles and brought them to Las Vegas. The first thing they did was use my phone for an hour to talk to their friends in Texas. I got mad and threw ’em out! So she’s been going around telling everybody that she’s my wife, eh?”
So that was cleared up.
We went into the El Rancho, and the show was going to start in about fifteen minutes. The place was packed; there wasn’t a seat in the house. John went over to the majordomo and said, “I want a table.”
“Yes, sir, Mr. Big! It will be ready in a few minutes.”
John tipped him and went off to gamble. Meanwhile I went around to the back, where the girls were getting ready for the show, and asked for my friend. She came out and I explained to her that John Big was with me, and he’d like some company after the show.
“Certainly, Dick,” she said. “I’ll bring some friends and we’ll see you after the show.”
I went around to the front to find John. He was still gambling. “Just go in without me,” he said. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
There were two tables, at the very front, right at the edge of the stage. Every other table in the place was packed. I sat down by myself. The show started before John came in, and the show girls came out. They could see me at the table, all by myself. Before, they thought I was some small-time professor; now they see I’m a BIG OPERATOR.
Finally John came in, and soon afterwards some people sat down at the table next to us—John’s “wife” and her friend Pam, with two men!
I leaned over to John: “She’s at the other table.”
“Yeah.”
She saw I was taking care of John, so she leaned over to me from the other table and asked, “Could I talk to John?”
I didn’t say a word. John didn’t say anything either.
I waited a little while, then I leaned over to John: “She wants to talk to you.”
Then he waited a little bit. “All right,” he said.
I waited a little more, and then I leaned over to her: “John will speak to you now.”
She came over to our table. She started working on “Joh
I love to be mischievous, so every time they got things straightened out a little bit, I reminded John of something: “The telephone, John …”
“Yeah!” he said. “What’s the idea, spending an hour on the telephone?”
She said it was Pam who did the calling.
Things improved a little bit more, so I pointed out that it was her idea to bring Pam.
“Yeah!” he said. (I was having a great time playing this game; it went on for quite a while.)
When the show was over, the girls from the El Rancho came over to our table and we talked to them until they had to go back for the next show. Then John said, “I know a nice little bar not too far away from here. Let’s go over there.”
I drove him over to the bar and we went in. “See that woman over there?” he said. “She’s a really good lawyer. Come on, I’ll introduce you to her.”
John introduced us and excused himself to go to the restroom. He never came back. I think he wanted to get back with his “wife” and I was begi
I said, “Hi” to the woman and ordered a drink for myself (still playing this game of not being impressed and not being a gentleman).
“You know,” she said to me, “I’m one of the better lawyers here in Las Vegas.”
“Oh, no, you’re not,” I replied coolly. “You might be a lawyer during the day, but you know what you are right now? You’re just a barfly in a small bar in Vegas.”
She liked me, and we went to a few places dancing. She danced very well, and I love to dance, so we had a great time together.
Then, all of a sudden in the middle of a dance, my back began to hurt. It was some kind of big pain, and it started suddenly. I know now what it was: I had been up for three days and nights having these crazy adventures, and I was completely exhausted.
She said she would take me home. As soon as I got into her bed I went BONGO! I was out.
The next morning I woke up in this beautiful bed. The sun was shining, and there was no sign of her. Instead, there was a maid. “Sir,” she said, “are you awake? I’m ready with breakfast.”
“Well, uh …”
“I’ll bring it to you. What would you like?” and she went through a whole menu of breakfasts.