Not in love

But could I? Should I trust anyone? Had there ever been a time in my life when trust had not ended in disappointment? And why should Eli be different? “Why would you . . . why would you even do this for me?”

He finally let go of my arm, and for a split second I wondered if he was, at last, fed up. Done with me. But it was less than a heartbeat, and then he was close again, hands cradling my face, thumbs swiping my cheeks, eyes tethered to mine. “Why do you think, Rue?”

I blinked at him, letting his question float through my head, unable to grasp the answer that was right in front of me. He watched me patiently, waiting for a response, any response. And when none came, I saw something fade behind his eyes.

He leaned in, tipping his forehead against mine, and the closeness was heaven. “Would you like a story, Rue?”

I instantly nodded. I needed something—anything—that would help me understand.

“Hark and Minami broke up over ten years ago, but he never got over her. Never. I simply could not understand why he wouldn’t move on after she so clearly had. ‘Could not be me,’ I thought. I was so sure. And then, Rue, I met you. And you casually cracked my life into before and after you.” His lips curved. For a moment he looked genuinely happy. “Out of all the people I’ve met, the things I’ve wanted, the places I’ve been, none has ever felt as necessary as you do. Because I love you. I love you in a way I didn’t think I was capable of. I love you because you showed me how to fall in love. And I don’t regret it, Rue. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Even if you can never say it back. Even if you never think about me again after today. Even if you were right after all, and you’re not capable of love.”

He let go of me, and we were back to the cliff. Except that my hand had slipped from Eli’s, and I was free-falling. Already broken, or soon to be.

“Isn’t this the most tragic story you’ve ever heard?”

I couldn’t find my words, but it didn’t matter. He left the conference room with a single nod that felt like the deepest of farewells, and I stood still for a long, long time, trying to convince my body to remember how to breathe.