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Chapter 6 – Feigning reluctance to take your gift.
To say that I was depressed is not to say anything. I wanted to die. I struggled with the desire to kill myself, with a sense of humiliation, along with my mother’s daily instructions to inculcate a good and useful moral and education on the path of truth. I was shocked at the sudden breakup. He did not reason it, did not give me any motive for it. Everything was all right between us. Why would he shun me away like that?
I was sick of the world. Or maybe the world was sick of me.
I could not understand why Dae-jung broke up with me in this ma
er. I missed him. My head was full of him. He threw me out of his life so effortlessly, yet I had to keep on my lacklustre existence all alone… Without him… I could not accept that. I lost all sleep; I was fading and dwindling. The very thought of nightfall made me hysterical. At night, to get rid of bad ideas, I listened to the radio and swallowed books in a vain attempt to stop thinking of Dae-jung. The worlds they composed seemed to drown me in their adventures, and I forgot myself. Unfortunately, not in the dreams I longed for. I forgot myself in daydreams that might destine me to find a happy ending, find my Prince, and be beautiful and loved forever.