Indelible

"What happened, Robert?" Jeffrey waited, but he did not answer. "Tell me what happened," he repeated. "I've never asked you before because I believed you were i

Robert cleared his throat a few times, then reached out with both hands to get a cup of water off the desk. He took a sip of water and winced as it went down, his Adam's apple jerking in his throat. Jeffrey saw the bruises around his neck and knew that someone had tried to strangle him. Or had they put their hands around his neck to keep him from calling out? The bruises darkened as they wrapped around the front of his neck. Had someone stood behind him, squeezing his throat shut? What were they doing that was so bad they needed to make sure Robert could not call out?

"Robert," Jeffrey whispered, trying to find his voice. "Tell me what happened."

He shook his head. "Go home, Slick."

"I'm not leaving you."

"Go back to Grant County and marry Sara. Start a life. Have some kids."

"I'm not go

"You didn't leave me the first time," Robert said, anger flashing in his eyes. "Look, I raped her. That's just what I'm going to tell them: I took her to the cave and I raped her, and she started screaming, saying she was going to tell everybody. I panicked, just like I panicked the other night. I took a rock and smashed the side of her head in." He gave Jeffrey a hard look. "Does that satisfy you?"

"Which side?" Jeffrey asked. "Which side of her head did you hit her on?"

"Hell, I don't know. Look at her damn skull. It's the side that's broken."

"You didn't kill her," Jeffrey said. "She was strangled, she wasn't beaten."

"Oh." Robert could not hide his surprise, but he recovered quickly. "Yeah, I strangled her, too."

"You didn't."

"I did," he insisted. "I strangled her just like this," he said, the cuffs clinking as he wrapped his hands around an imaginary neck.

"You didn't," Jeffrey countered.

Robert dropped his hands, though he would not admit defeat.

"I was just talking to her at first, trying to be nice," he said, his voice getting smaller. His eyes glazed over as he went somewhere else, and he spoke so softly that Jeffrey had to strain to listen "When she looked away, I hit her in the head, and when she fell over, I got on top of her, behind her. She screamed, and I started choking her to shut her up." He used his hands again to illustrate. "She wouldn't stop screaming, and it got me mad just hearing her, and it got me excited, too – excited like I don't know. I kept one hand on the back of her neck." He put his hand palm down, like he was there. "I knew she was scared – terrified. I was scared, too. I thought somebody would come, somebody would see me like that, like some animal. And I couldn't stop. I couldn't get anybody to help me. My throat…" He put his hand to his neck. "My throat felt like I swallowed a handful of tacks. I just couldn't breathe. I couldn't even make a sound more than a whimper, but in my mind, I could hear them laughing about it, egging me on, like it was some kind of game to see how far I could go before I broke." He let his hands drop to his lap, his breath coming in sharp rasps. Jeffrey did not know if he was talking about Julia anymore or what had happened to him last night. "I just wanted to go somewhere in my head, somewhere safe where I was okay, but it was all so horrible that I couldn't do anything but bite down on my tongue and pray to God it would be over soon." His lips trembled, but there were no tears.

"Robert," Jeffrey said, reaching out again to touch him.

Robert pulled away as if Jeffrey had slapped him. He curled into himself as much as he could. "Don't touch me," he whispered. "Please don't touch me."

"Robert," Jeffrey repeated, trying to keep his voice controlled. If he had a gun, he'd go back to the jail right now and kill every one of those fucking bastards. He'd start with Reggie and work his way up the food chain until – what? – until he put the gun to his own head and pulled the trigger? He was just as guilty in all of this as the others were.

Still, he had to know, "Why are you lying to me about Julia?"

"I'm not lying," Robert said, anger flaring up again. "I raped her." He gave Jeffrey a steady look. "I raped her and then I killed her."

"You didn't kill Julia," Jeffrey insisted. "Stop saying you did. You didn't even know how she died."

"What does it matter?" Robert said. "I'm going to get the needle anyway."

"You're not," Jeffrey said. "Not if you cop to manslaughter. You can be out in seven years. You can still have a life."

"What kind of life?"

"I'll help make a life for you," Jeffrey said, and in that moment, he was certain he could make it work. "You can come to Grant with me. Work on the force."

"Not with a felony rap."

"We'll find something else, then," Jeffrey told him. "We'll get you the fuck out of this town. You can start over, have a new life."

"What kind of life?" Robert repeated. He raised his hands, indicating the station. "What kind of life can I have after this?"

"We'll get to that when the time comes," Jeffrey said. "Just stop talking to people, okay? Don't talk to anybody but the lawyer – not even Hoss. We'll get the best guy we can. We'll go to Atlanta if we have to."

"I don't want a lawyer," Robert said. "I just want some peace."

"You're not going to find peace in a prison uniform, Robert. You have to know that by now."

"I don't care anymore," he said. "I really don't."

"That's just for right now," Jeffrey told him. "That's just because of last night."

"Nothing happened last night," Robert said. "We got into a scuffle, but that was it. They knew better after I got finished with them."

Jeffrey sat back in the chair.

"I beat the shit out of them," Robert said, his teeth showing in what he probably wanted to be a smile but looked like more of a snarl. "Three on one, and I beat the ever-loving shit out of them."

"That's good," Jeffrey said, knowing he could not disagree. Three on one. Robert hadn't had a chance.

Robert's false bravado continued. "I punched one of 'em so hard he was begging for his mama."

"There you go," Jeffrey said, his heart breaking even as he said the words. "You showed 'em, Bobby. You showed 'em all."

Robert took a deep breath, sitting up straighter, squaring his shoulders. "All right," he said, like he was bracing himself. "It's all right. I can do this."

"You don't have to do it alone," Jeffrey told him. "I'm here. Possum's here."

"No," Robert said, like his mind was made up. "I'm going to do this, Jeffrey. It's the least I can do."

"Least you can do for what?"

"For you," he said, giving Jeffrey a knowing look. "I know what really happened."

Jeffrey felt as if he had been threatened, but he did not know why. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I saw you in the woods with Julia that day. I saw you both going to the cave."

Jeffrey shook his head. They had been alone that day. He had checked.

"I'm willing to take the rap for everything," Robert said, tears welling back into his eyes. When he spoke, his voice shook from the effort. "I'll say I did it, take the blame for all of it and let you walk away. Just tell me, Slick. Tell me the truth. Did you kill her?"