The Unnatural Inquirer

“They wish,” said the Collector. “What’s mine is mine, and not for other eyes. But I had something of an epiphany during the Lilith War; it reminded me of how short life can be, and the necessity for enjoying things while you still can. It’s not enough just to own things, any more; I need to be able to walk amongst them, enjoy them, savour them. And I do. What do you want, Taylor?”

“I need a favour,” I said. “And you do owe me, Mark.”

He looked at me for a long moment, but in the end he looked away first. He seemed suddenly older, and tired.

“How much am I expected to pay for my sins against you?”

I could sense Bettie’s ears pricking up, as she realised we were talking about secret, important things, but I didn’t feel like enlightening her.

“Only you can answer that,” I said. “Just tell me what I need to know, and I’ll leave.”

“I should kill you,” he said, almost casually.

“You could try,” I said, easily.

“This is about the Afterlife Recording, isn’t it? I haven’t got it. Heard about it, of course. The whole damned Nightside is buzzing with news of it, mostly inaccurate, and all the little collectors and speculators are driving themselves crazy ru

“But not you?” I said.

“I want it. And when I’m good and ready, I’ll go and get it. But right now I’m busy with something…something important. I have yet to be convinced that the Recording is the genuine article. But whether it’s the real deal or not, I will have it, because it’s a unique item, and it belongs here with me, as someone who will appreciate it…What is that woman doing?”

I looked around. Bettie had a small camera in her hands. I reached out and took it away from her.

“Give that back!” she said hotly. “It belongs to the paper! I had to sign for it!”

“Restrain yourself,” I said. “We’re guests here.”

“Oh, but look at all the lovely things he’s got,” said Bettie, pouting in a very wi

“No they don’t,” said the Collector. He gave me a thoughtful look. “Is she your latest?”

“No,” I said. “I’m still with Suzie.”

“Oh. Nice horns.” He gave me a hard look. “You always were more trouble than you were worth, Taylor. You know how long it took me to regrow my leg after those insects gnawed it off? All because of you? Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t have my lovely cat robots kill you, stuff you, and put you on display?”

“Because I’m my father’s son.”

“You always did fight dirty, John.” He smiled briefly. “The sins of the father…”

“And the mother,” I said. “And the man who put them together.”

“Walker had sons,” said the Collector. “Charles had you. And I…have my collection. Fu

He turned and walked away, followed by his cat robots. Bettie looked at me.

“What was that all about?”

“The past,” I said. “And how it always ends up haunting the present. Let’s go.”

“You’re sure he doesn’t have it, hidden away somewhere?”

“He wouldn’t lie to me,” I said.

We headed back to the door. Bettie was still frowning thoughtfully.

“Once we’re back in the artificial jungle, we’ve still got to face one very pissed-off Tyra

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’ll think of something.”

And I did.

FIVE - The Devil’s in the Details

Back out on the Nightside streets again, we still carried the smell of the jungle with us. A harsh and murky mixture of sweat, rotting vegetation, and T. rex musk. It could have been my imagination, but people on the street seemed to be giving me even more room than usual. I felt like buying half a dozen air fresheners and hanging them round my neck. I did my best to rise above the situation, while debating what to do next with the delightful Bettie Divine.

“I still don’t get it,” she said, a bit pettishly. She was holding my arm again. “Why isn’t the Collector out chasing round the Nightside, trying to grab the Afterlife Recording for himself? He said he wanted it.”

“He also said he was busy with something,” I said. “Odd, that; he didn’t say what with. He’s never been bashful with me before; usually can’t wait to boast about what he’s up to…Still, he’s the Collector. Which means he’s always busy with something.”

“Unless…he’s scared of someone else who’s after the Recording,” said Bettie. “You, perhaps?”

“I’d like to think so, but no. It would have to be someone really bad, and really powerful. The Collector is a Major Player in his own right, and he doesn’t scare easily.”

“Walker?”

“You have a point there,” I admitted. I was getting used to walking arm in arm with Bettie. It felt good, natural. “Could Walker have been lying to us, to hide the fact he already had the DVD? No, I don’t think so. He would have told me if he’d had it, if only to put me in my place. And his reasons for wanting me to find it before anyone else sounded pretty good to me.”

“You mean the angels?” said Bettie.

“Please,” I said. “Let us not use the a-word in public.”

“All right, if it isn’t Walker, then who? Razor Eddie?”

I shook my head. “He might be the Punk God of the Straight Razor, but Eddie’s never been very interested in religion. In fact, he’s pretty much the only god all the other Beings on the Street of the Gods are afraid of.”

“How about the Lord of Thorns, then?”

“You have been doing your homework, haven’t you? No, he’s still recovering from the Lilith War and the trauma of finding out he’s not who he thought he was.”

“You know everyone, don’t you?” Bettie said admiringly. “Who did he think he was?”

“Overseer of the Nightside.”

Bettie thought about that. “If the Lord of Thorns isn’t watching over us, who is?”

“Good question,” I said. “Lot of people are still arguing about that.”

She gave me a sly, sideways look. “Lot of people say you could have been King of the Nightside, if you’d wanted.”

I smiled. “You shouldn’t listen to gossip.”

“Don’t be silly, darling! That’s my job!”

“Damn,” I said, as a thought occurred to me.

“You’re frowning, John, and I do wish you wouldn’t. It usually means you’ve suddenly thought of something unpleasant, spooky, and probably downright dangerous.”

“Right on all three counts,” I said. “There is one man the Collector is afraid of, and quite rightly, too. Anyone with any sense is afraid of the Removal Man.”

Bettie pulled her arm out of mine and stopped dead in the street. I stopped with her. She gave me a hard look.

“Hold everything, reverse gear, go previous. Are you having fun with me, John? Thinking I’ll believe anything simply because it’s you saying it? The Removal Man is just an urban legend. Isn’t he?”

“Unfortunately, no,” I said.

“But…I don’t know anyone who’s seen him, or even claimed to have seen him! The U

“Because they’re too scared,” I said. “You don’t mess with the Removal Man; not if you like existing.”

“Have you ever met him?” said Bettie, her voice carefully casual.

“No,” I said. “And I was hoping to keep it that way. I don’t think he approves of me. And people and things the Removal Man disapproves of have this unfortunate tendency to disappear without a trace. The Removal Man has made it his personal crusade to wander the Nightside anonymously, removing all the things and people that offend him. Removing, as in making them vanish so completely that even really Major Players have been unable to confirm exactly what it is he’s done with them.”