The Unnatural Inquirer

“No,” I said. “But then future and alien technology isn’t my speciality. This could be genius, or it could be junk.”

“Could it have enabled the television to look in on a broadcast from the Afterlife?”

“Who knows? But I wouldn’t touch any of it, if I were you. It looks…unhealthy.”

“Trust me, darling. I wouldn’t touch that if it offered to buy me champagne.”

I straightened up, and she straightened up with me. Her knees didn’t creak. I looked round the apartment again. For all the clutter, the room was still basically characterless. No paintings or posters on the walls, no personal touches like photos or prized possessions, nothing to show Donavon had ever thought of this place as home. No; it was more like a place to stay while he was passing through on his way to better things. Once he got his lucky break…I was begi

I tried my gift again, hoping to pick up a ghost image of Pen Donavon’s past, so I could follow it as he left…but once again the force from Outside slammed my i

“So, what do we do now?” said Bettie, who, despite everything I’d said, persisted on looking at me like I had all the answers.

“When faced with serious questions of a religious nature, there’s only one place to go,” I said. “And that is the Street of the Gods. If only because they always have the best gossip.”

We took the Underground train. There are other ways of getting to the Street of the Gods, but the train is by far the safest. Bettie and I descended into the Underground system and strode through the cream-tiled tu

“It’s all right, darling!” she said. “When you work for the U

“I don’t pay,” I said. I gestured at the ticket machine, and it opened obediently to let us pass. I smiled just a little smugly at Bettie. “Payment for an old case. One of the trains had gone rogue; people got on and then it wouldn’t let them get off again. You could hear the trapped passengers beating helplessly on the walls, screaming for help.”

“What happened?” said Bettie, her eyes wide. “What did you do?”

“I frightened the train,” I said. “And it let everyone go.”

“I shall never look at a train in the same way again,” said Bettie.

We went down to the platform, giving the various buskers a wide berth. Especially the one singing four part harmonies with himself. It’s one thing to drop a few coins in a hat, because the wheel turns for all of us, but it isn’t always wise to listen to the music they play. Music really can have charms in the Nightside.

The platform was crowded, as usual. Half a dozen members of the Tribe of Gay Barbarians, standing around looking tough with their leathers and long swords, complete with shaved legs, pierced nipples, and heavy face make-up. A silverback gorilla wore an exquisitely cut formal suit, complete with top hat, cane, and a monocle screwed firmly into one eye. A Grey alien wearing fishnet stockings and suspenders, passing out tracts. And a very polite Chinese demon, sipping hot steaming blood from a thermos. The usual crowd.

The destination board offered the usual possibilities: SHADOWS FALL, HACELDAMA, STREET OF THE GODS. There are other destinations, other possibilities, but you have to go down into the deeper tu

A train roared in, right on time. A long, silvery bullet, preceded by a blast of approaching air that smelled of other places. The carriages were solid steel tubes, with only the heavily reinforced doors standing out. No windows. To get to its various destinations, the train had to travel through certain intervening dimensions; and none of them were the kinds of places where you’d want to see what was outside. The door hissed open, and Bettie and I stepped into the nearest carriage. The seats were green leather, and the steel walls were reassuringly thick and heavy. No-one else wanted to get into our carriage, despite the crowd on the platform.

The trip to the Street of the Gods was mostly uneventful. The few things that attacked us couldn’t get in, and the dents in the steel walls had mostly smoothed themselves out again by the time the train pulled into the station. Bettie was still laughing and chattering as we made our way up the elevators to the Street of the Gods. You learn to take such things in your stride in the Nightside.

On the Street of the Gods, you can find a Church to pretty much anything that anyone has ever believed in. They stretched away forever, two long rows of organised worship, where the gods are always at home to callers. Prayers are heard here, and answered, so it pays to be careful what you say. You never know who might be listening. The most important Beings get the best spots, while everyone else fights it out for location in a Darwinian struggle for survival. Sometimes I think the whole Nightside runs on irony.

Most of the Beings on the Street of the Gods didn’t want to talk to me. In fact, most of them hid inside their churches behind locked and bolted doors and refused to come out until I’d gone. Understandable; they were still rebuilding parts of the Street from the last time I’d been here. But there are always some determined to show those watching that they aren’t afraid of anyone, so a few of the more up-and-coming Beings sauntered casually over to chat with me. A fairly ordinary-looking priest who said he was the newly risen Dagon. Stack! The Magnificient; a more or less humanoid alien who claimed to be slumming it from a higher dimension. And the Elegant Profundity, a guitar-carrying avatar from the Church of Clapton, who was so laid-back he was practically horizontal. The small and shifty God of Lost Things hung around, evasive as always. None of them professed to know anything about a broadcast from the Afterlife, let alone a DVD recording. Most of them were quite intrigued by the thought.

“It can’t be authentic,” said Dagon. “I mean, we’re in the business of faith, not hard evidence. And if there had ever been a broadcast from the Hereafter, we’d have heard about it long before this.”

“And just the idea of recording one is so…tacky,” Stack! said, folding his four green arms across his sunken chest.

“But it could be very good for business,” said the Elegant Profundity, strumming a minor chord on his Rickenbacker.

The group went very thoughtful.

“There’s money to be made here,” said Dagon. “Serious money. And there’s nothing like business success to bring in bigger congregations. Everyone loves a wi

“But…if this recording should prove real, and accurate, it would provide proof of What Comes After,” Stack! said. “And the last thing anyone here wants is hard evidence of that. We derive our power from faith and worship. A true and actual Afterlife Recording could drive a lot of us out of business. Besides, most of Humanity isn’t ready for the truth.”

I regarded him thoughtfully. “Are you saying you know What Comes Next?”

Stack! squirmed uncomfortably, which given his rather fluid shape was a somewhat disturbing sight. “Well, no, not as such. I may be from a higher dimension, but not that high.”

“You have to have faith,” said the Elegant Profundity. “Solid evidence of the true nature of Heaven or Hell would only screw up everyone’s life. It’s one thing to suppose, quite another to know.”