Cross

I did as I was told, and shut up.

Chapter 34

BIG STUFF – NOW HERE WE GO. On Friday morning of that week, at a few minutes past nine o'clock, I found myself all alone in the alcove outside Director Ron Burns's office on the ninth floor of the Hoover Building, FBI headquarters.

The director's assistant, Tony Woods, peeked his round, deceptively cherubic face out of Burns's outer office.

"Hey, Alex, there you are. Why don't you come on in. Good job the other day on Kentucky Avenue. Under the circumstances especially. The director's been wanting to talk to you about it and some other things he has on his mind. I heard Ned Mahoney's going to make a full recovery."

Terrific job – I almost got myself killed, I thought as I followed Woods into the i

The director was there waiting for me in his sanctum sanctorum. Ron Burns has a kind of fu

"So what's on your mind these days?" Burns asked. "Tony said you wanted to see me, so I take it this isn't purely a social call.

"I have a few things to go over with you too. A new assignment for starters: a serial up in Maine and Vermont of all places."

I nodded and let Burns rattle on. But suddenly I was feeling tense and a little unsure of myself. Finally, I had to cut him off. "There's no good way to ease into this, Director, so I'll just say it. I'm here to tell you that I'm going to be leaving the Bureau. This is very difficult, and it's embarrassing. I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I've made a decision for my family. It's final. I'm not going to change my mind."

" Shit," Burns said, and he hit his desk hard with the palm of his hand. "Damn it all to hell, Alex. Why would you leave us now? It makes no sense to me. You're on a very fast track at the Bureau. You know that, right? Tell you what, I'm not going to let you do it."

"Nothing you can do to stop me," I told him. "I'm sorry, but I'm sure I'm doing the right thing. I've thought this through a hundred times in the last few days."

Burns stared into my eyes, and he must have seen something resolute there, because he stood up behind his desk. Then he came around it with his hand outstretched.

"You're making a terrible mistake, and an atrociously bad career move, but I can tell there's no point in arguing with you. It's been a real pleasure, Alex, and an education," he said as we shook hands. We made some more uncomfortable chitchat for the next couple of minutes. Then I got up to leave his office.

As I reached the door, Burns called, "Alex, I hope I can still call on you from time to time. I can, can't I?"

I laughed in spite of myself, because the remark was so typical of Burns's never-say-die attitude. "You can call on me eventually. But why don't you give it a few months, okay?"

"Couple of days anyway" said Burns, and at least he winked when he said it.

We both laughed, and suddenly it sunk in – my brief, somewhat illustrious career with the FBI was over and done with.

Also, I was unemployed.

Chapter 35

I'M NOT A BIG FAN of looking back on the stages of my life with anything like regret, and anyway, my time at the FBI had been mostly very good and probably even valuable in the long run. I'd learned things, accomplished a fair amount – like stopping a Russian Mafia psycho called the Wolf. And I'd made some good friends – the head of Hostage Rescue, maybe even the director – which couldn't hurt and might even help me out someday.

Still, I wasn't prepared for the incredible feeling of relief I experienced as I carried a cardboard box stuffed full of my possessions out of the FBI building that morning. It felt as if at least a couple of hundred pounds of dead weight had been lifted off my shoulders, a burden I hadn't even known was there. I didn't know for sure if I'd just made a good decision, but it sure felt like it.

No more monsters, human or otherwise, I was thinking to myself.

No more monsters ever.

I headed toward home at a little before noon. Free at last. I had the car windows open and was listening to Bob Marley's "No Woman, No Cry," the words "everything's go

There was something I needed to do right now, while I was in the mood. I drove out to the Mercedes dealership and found the salesperson Laurie Berger. I took a test drive in the R350, and all that leg room was even more fun on the open highway than it had been in the showroom. I liked the vehicle's zip and also the dual-dash zone climate control, which would keep everybody happy, even Nana Mama.

But even more important, it was time for the family and me to move away from Maria's old car. It was time, I had money from my books in savings, and so I bought the R350 and felt wonderful about it.

When I got home, I found a note from Nana on the kitchen table. It was meant for Ja

Go out and get some fresh air, you two. There's coq au vin in the Crock-Pot. Delicious! Set the table for me, please. And get a start on your homework before di

Your Nana isn't here, but I'm watching you anyway!

I couldn't help smiling. This woman had saved me a long time ago, and now she was saving my kids.

I'd been hoping to hang out with Ali, but there would be plenty of time for that in the near future. So I fixed myself a leftover pork and coleslaw sandwich, and then for some strange reason I made popcorn for one.

Why? Why not! I don't even like popcorn that much, but suddenly I was in the mood for some hot, buttered junk food. Free to be me; free to be stupid if I wanted to.

I ate the freshly popped popcorn and played the piano for a couple of hours that afternoon – Duke Ellington, Jelly Roll Morton, Al Green. I read several chapters from a book called The Shadow of the Wind. And then I did the truly unthinkable – I took a nap in the middle of the day. Before I drifted off, I thought about Maria again, the best of times, our honeymoon at Sandy Lane in Barbados. What a blast that had been. How much I still missed her and wished she was here right now to hear my news.

For the rest of the afternoon, the phone never rang once. I didn't have a pager anymore, and in the words of Nana Mama – I was loving it.

Nana and Ali came home together, then came Ja

That night at di

Ja