Kisscut

Eddie looked at her over his shoulder. "What are you so happy about?"

"Having you here," she said, rubbing his back.

"Yeah, right," he mumbled, shoving the snake in harder. "This is a pain in the ass. You should charge that kid for my time."

"I'll see what his insurance company says."

Eddie sat back on his heels. "Your sister's in the van."

Sara did not respond.

He gave her a serious look. "When I was in the war, I watched men die."

Sara barked a laugh. "You fixed toilets at Fort Gillem, Daddy. You never even left Georgia."

"Well…" He waved this off. "There was that corporal from Co

"Yes," Sara agreed. She saw evidence of that at the morgue on an almost weekly basis.

"Too short to be mad at your sister."

"Ah," Sara said, getting it. "Did she tell you what we're arguing about?"

"Do you girls ever tell me anything?" he grumbled.

"It's complicated," Sara told him.

"I bet it's not," Eddie countered, pulling the snake out of the toilet, hand over hand. "I bet it's real simple." He rolled the metal snake around a spindle, telling her, "Go get me the power auger."

"I have to get to work," she said.

"Right after you get the auger," he told her, handing her the coiled snake.

Sara hesitated, then took it. "I'm not doing this because you told me to."

He held up his hands. "You haven't done anything I've told you to do since 1979."

She stuck out her tongue at him before leaving the room. Sara took the back door and walked around the clinic so that the patients in the waiting room would not see her. Technically, she was off-duty, but there was always someone who knew her, and Sara did not want to be stopped.

Eddie's work van was backed into a parking space beside Sara's car. LINTON AND DAUGHTERS was painted on the side panels. A drawing of a commode with a roll of pink toilet tissue on the back of the tank served as the logo. As Sara drew near, she could see Tessa sitting behind the wheel, the windows rolled up and the engine on. She had probably been waiting out here for at least thirty minutes.

Sara yanked the passenger's side door open. Tessa did not look up. Obviously, she had seen Sara approach.

"Hey," Sara called over the roar of the air-conditioning, tossing the auger into the back of the van. She got into the van and slammed the door behind her.

Tessa gave a reluctant, "Hey," back, then, "Did they find that kid?"

"Not yet." Sara leaned her back against the door so that she was facing her sister. She slipped off her clogs and hooked her toes onto the edge of Tessa's seat.

"That's my side," Tessa told her, a phrase that had been oft repeated when they took car rides as children.

"So," Sara said, prodding Tessa's leg with her big toe. "What're you go

"Stop it," Tessa slapped at her feet. "I'm mad at you."

"I'm mad at you," Sara told her.

Tessa turned back around, resting her hands on the steering wheel. "I'm sorry I said what I said." She paused. "About not having children."

Sara let some time pass. "I'm sorry I asked if Devon 's the father."

"Well…"-Tessa shrugged-"he is, if you were really wondering."

"I wasn't," she said, though part of her had been.

Tessa turned, leaning her back against the door so she could face Sara. She pulled her feet up under her and the two sisters stared at each other, neither saying anything.

Sara broke the silence. "If you want to do this…" she began, trying to sound like she meant it. "If you really need to do this… I'll support you. You know that."

Tessa asked her, "Where did all that come from?"

"I just…" Sara began, looking for a way to explain her feelings. "I've just seen so many kids hurt this week, and I…" She let her voice trail off. "How I feel about this doesn't matter, Tessie. It's your decision."

"I know that."

"I know it's your choice," Sara repeated. "I know that you're not doing this lightly-"

"It's not that," Tessa stopped her.

"What is it, then?"

Tessa looked out the window, and was silent. After a while, she said, "I'm just really, really scared."

"Tessie." Sara reached out, taking her sister's hand. "What are you scared of?"

"It's Mom and Dad," she said, and she started to cry. "What if I'm not as good as they are? What if I'm a horrible mother?"

"You won't be," Sara assured her, stroking Tessa's hair back.

"You were right before," Tessa told her. "I am selfish. I do only think of myself."

"I didn't mean that."

"Yes, you did. I know you did, because it's true." Tessa wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I know I'm selfish, Sara. I know I'm immature." She laughed with some irony. "I'm thirty-three years old and I still live with my parents."

"Not in the same house."

Tessa laughed, even as she cried. "Oh, God, please, don't stick up for me."

Sara laughed, too. "Tess, you're such a good person. You love kids."

"I know I do. It's just different thinking about having them around twenty-four hours a day." She shook her head. "What if I do something horrible? What if I drop him, or what if it's a girl and I end up dressing her up like that Ramsey kid?"

"Then we'll have you committed."

"I'm serious," Tessa whined, but she laughed as well. "What if I don't know how to do it right?"

"Mama and Daddy will be there to help," Sara reminded her. "I will, too." She let that sink in, then amended, "If that's what you decide to do, I mean. If you want to keep it."

Tessa leaned forward. "You would be a great mother, Sara."

Sara pressed her lips together, not wanting to cry.

"I just don't know what to do."

Sara took a deep breath, then let it go. "You don't have to decide right now," she said. "You could wait a couple of days, just to see how you feel once the shock has worn off."

"Yeah."

"I do think you should tell Devon. He has a right to know."

Tessa nodded slowly. "I know he does," she said. "Maybe I didn't want to tell him because I know what he'll say." She gave a wry smile. "He'll get exactly what he wants."

"You don't have to marry him."

"Oh, and give Dad a heart attack, living in sin?"

"I seriously doubt he'd have a heart attack." Sara smiled. "He might take you over his knee…"

"Yeah, well." Tessa took a tissue from the center console. She blew her nose in three short bursts, the way she had done since she was a baby. "Maybe somebody should take me over his knee."

Sara squeezed her hand. "You make this decision, Tess. Whatever you decide, I'm with you."

"Thank you," Tessa mumbled, wiping her nose with another tissue. She sat back against the window again, and took a long look at Sara. After a few beats, a smile broke out on her face.

Sara asked, "What?"

"You look so obvious."

"So obvious what?"

Tessa kept smiling. "So obviously fucked."

Sara laughed, and the sound echoed in the van.

"Was it good?" Tessa asked.

Sara glanced out the window, feeling a bit mischievous. "Which time?"

"You slut," Tessa screamed, throwing the used tissue.

"Hey." Sara deflected the tissue with her hand.

"Don't go all big sister on me," Tessa warned. "Tell me what happened."

Sara felt a blush creeping up her neck. "No way."

"What changed your mind?" she asked. "I mean, last I heard, you didn't even want to date him."

"Mama," Sara answered. "She told me to make up my mind."

"And?"

"We've just been doing this stupid back-and-forth thing for so long." Sara paused, thinking about how to phrase it. "I have to give it another try. I either have to get him out of my system and go on, or keep him in my system and live with it."