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I already have, I say to him.
That’s when it dawns on me, half in a dream and half out of it. I know why Bitter Man was so angry. His speech about the law being jealous was bullshit. He was hiding behind the law, using it as a smokescreen. I didn’t see through it then, but I do now. It was Bitter Man who was jealous, crazy jealous, of Mike. It’s almost inconceivable, but it makes sense.
I awake with a start.
Bitter Man is standing over me, stroking my hair with a peaceful smile. “Hello, Mary,” he says softly.
“Judge?”
“You are so precious to me, my dear.” His cheeks look like they’re about to burst with happiness, like an overfed baby.
I look around, panicky. My office door is closed. Everyone’s at the reception, three floors above.
His swollen underbelly presses against my chair. “I’ve cared for you ever since the first day you came to work for me. Do you remember?”
I’m too stu
“We spent the whole year together, you and I. I watched you grow, watched you learn. I know I was hard on you at times, but it was for your own good. I was your mentor then, wasn’t I, Mary? I was the only one.” His voice is u
I nod mechanically. My gorge rises at his touch.
“I tried to forget about you for many years, after you left me, but I couldn’t. No other woman would do. Imagine how happy I was when a case of yours finally got assigned to me. I could barely wait until the day of oral argument. It was your first argument, wasn’t it, Mary? I could tell. I thought, She has so much more to learn, and there’s so much more I can teach her. She still needs me.”
Oh no. I won that motion, and Mike was there, watching me with his class. Mike.
“I got theHarbison’s case a year later almost to the day. As if fate had pla
Of course. I won that motion too. Then came the first note:CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PARTNERSHIP, MARY. Bitter Man knew the win would help me make partner. Why didn’t I think of him? I squeeze my eyes shut.
“I was silly to make you sing. Forgive me, but I wanted to test your love. And the other day in Sam’s office, when I asked for your opinion, I was just giving you a chance to shine. But you seemed upset with me, so I sent you another note. I put it in Sam’s box after our noon meeting. Did you get my note, Mary? I was worried you wouldn’t get it.”
My heart is pounding. My chest is flushed with blood.
“A pe
Suddenly, the door to my office bursts open and Judy bounds in. “Mary, what happened?” she says. “I heard that Jameson-”
“Close the door!” Bitter Man shouts. He steps away from me and whips a silver revolver from his jacket, pointing it at Judy.
She looks wildly from me to him. “What the-”
“I said close the door! And lock it!”
Judy obeys quickly, staring at the gun in fear.
“Who is this woman, Mary?” Bitter Man’s hammy hands train the gun expertly at Judy’s chest. There’s a metallic click as he cocks the trigger.
My heart leaps up at the sound. “No!” I shout.
Bitter Man looks at me sharply, a silent reprimand.
I swallow hard. “Please don’t hurt her, Bill. She’s my best friend. My dearest friend. Please don’t.”
Judy nods emphatically, her eyes wide.
Bitter Man eases off the trigger. “Your best friend? Good. We’ll need her. She’ll be our witness.”
“Yes, that’s right,” I say evenly. “Now let her go, Bill. She has to go home now.”
“She can’t go, she’s the witness. For our wedding. I’m performing it tonight. Get up, Mary!”
“Wedding?”
“There’s no time to waste. I know the truth now. I have to get you away from the Jew. That blustering fool, he’s no lawyer. He’s nothing but a horse trader. So get up!”
I don’t move. I can’t.
“Get up, you whore!” He swings the gun crazily over to me.
I can barely breathe. The gun is two inches from my forehead. It’s a dull silver color, like a shark, and bigger than I thought. Bigger than Marv’s gun. The end of the barrel points directly at me, a lethal black circle.
“Get up!” His shout reverberates in the tiny office. Suddenly, he shoves the gun against my forehead.
I hear Judy gasp.
The cold metal digs into my skin. I feel paralyzed in my chair, terrified to move an inch. I will myself to speak. “Bill, please. Let’s talk-”
“There’s no time for talk.” He pushes the gun into my head.
My gut tightens. “I don’t understand. I need you to…teach me.”
“What?”
“I don’t understand you, your feelings.”
“My feelings?” he says, testy.
“Yes. About me.”
“We don’t have time for this, Mary. What about my feelings? Be precise!”
“Do you really love me? I’m not-”
“Of course I love you, of course I do.” His head shakes slightly. The gun barrel jiggles against my forehead.
“I wasn’t sure, Bill. I didn’t know…how you felt. You never told me.”
“Well, I do love you. I love you more than any of them.”
“But how can I trust your love, when you-”
“Trust my love!” he roars. “Trust my love! I’ve risked everything for you. It’s all been for you. All of it!”
I catch my breath. I can hear the blood throbbing in my ears. “What have you done for me, Bill?”
“I killed him! Your husband, the schoolteacher. He took you away from me, away from the law. He brought those brats into my courtroom. So ignorant. Theyclapped, by God. Inmy courtroom!”
My heart stops. Mike. I hear myself moan.
“He didn’t deserve you, Mary. He couldn’t offer you what I can. He taught spelling, for God’s sake, to small children. He knew nothing about the law. Nothing!”
“Did you kill my secretary, Bill?” I can barely utter the words.
“He had his arm around you. I thought he was your date from the night before. The one you had di
I close my eyes. Brent. A mistake. “So you followed me in the car. And called me.”
“I had to.”
“Why? Why did you have to?”
“To be near you. And to check up on you, I admit it. I had to make sure you were working hard, applying yourself. You get distracted by men, Mary, we both know this. I couldn’t let it happen again. You have a brilliant career ahead of you. I’ll teach you everything I know. You’ll write, publish. You’re going to be one of the best!”
The gun barrel bores into my temple.
“Now do you see how much I care for you? Now do you understand?”
The office is dead quiet. Judy is frozen in front of the door, her eyes full of horror.
“I see now…that you’ve done a lot for me, Bill. But if you really love me, you’ll give me the gun. That will prove you really love me.”
“I’m not stupid, Mary,” he says coldly.
“But how can I believe you love me when you’re threatening to kill me? It’s not…logical, Bill. It doesn’t stand to reason. You taught me that, how important it was to test-”
“Why is it so hot in here? Why?” Bitter Man looks angrily around the room. “They keep it too hot!”
The gun moves on my head. I try to squeeze back my fear. “As soon as you give me the gun, we can be married. But I won’t go as your prisoner. I’ll go freely. As your wife.”
“No, no. This is all wrong.” Tears begin to gather in his eyes, but he shakes them off. “All wrong. I need the gun. I can’t give it to you.”
“I’ll be your wife, Bill. Finally and forever. Think of it.”
“It’s not going to work.” He starts to sob. “You wanthim now. You don’t want me anymore. You betrayed me.” He drills the gun into my forehead, shoving me backward with it.