Lady Killer

“I have something to talk to you about.” Mary lowered herself into a chair, still holding her stuff. If she put her coffee cup on the desk, it would undoubtedly spill on important papers, resulting in an unfavorable jury verdict and loss of gainful employment. “We need help.”

“We do?” Be

“Yes, I think we need more help here.” Mary chose her words carefully, not wanting to reveal what Judy had told her. “I’m working really hard and I have so many active matters and it’s overwhelming. I have a special-ed case and I can’t give it the attention it needs.”

“Can’t this wait?” Be

“No, because I think we need to hire another associate, as soon as possible. I could keep her or him busy.” Mary had thought about it last night, when she’d gotten only three hours sleep. “I know it’s an all-woman firm, and I don’t care if we hire a woman or a man, obviously. I don’t even know if you intended the firm to be all women or not.”

“No.” Be

Mary blushed. She knew she had reproductive organs, she just didn’t want to discuss them at the office. “Okay. Well, whatever the gender, I really need help.”

“No.”

Mary had thought there’d be more discussion. It threw her off balance. “Can I ask why not?”

“We don’t have the office space for another person right now, and I’ve been thinking about moving. So we can’t expand before we have the space, for one thing.”

“We could put the new person in the library, temporarily.”

“We need the library and the conference room.”

“Then they could work out of the office, or even at home.”

Be

Mary swallowed hard. “I know, but-”

“I know you’re doing a terrific job, bringing in a lot of business right now.”

Right now?

“Your new clients and cases will cause a strain on you. It’s inevitable. But I can’t take on another associate just because you have a good quarter.”

Judy said three.

“I can’t take on someone and then let that person go when the cases aren’t coming in.”

But Judy said they were trending up.

“You remember when I almost lost the place? I don’t have to remind you that they had an eviction notice on the wall.” Be

“What about a contract lawyer?” Mary had prepared for this argument. “Won’t the business I bring in pay for that person?”

“Money’s not the problem.” Be

But that will be too late. “Okay.” Mary juggled her coffee and got up.

“That’s a concession, DiNunzio. You’re getting better.” Be

“Okay,” Mary said, though she knew she wouldn’t. They both did. When you feel dumb, the last place you go is the boss.

Suddenly, A

“At this hour?” Mary asked, going to the door.

“I’ll be right back, Be

“What’s going on?” Mary asked, puzzled, as A

“Actually, I’m not sure they’re your clients. They look like your clients.”

Mary knew what she meant. Code for South Philly. Big hair and workmen’s comp appeals. “I’m not expecting anybody this morning.”

“They’re really pissed off at you.”

“Why?” Mary asked, and they’d gotten almost all the way up the hall when three women came charging from the reception area toward them, a flying wedge of curly extensions, big chests, and stiletto heels.

“Mare!” they shouted, from down the hall. “Mary DiNunzio? That you? Get your ass out here!”

At the middle of the hall, Judy, who must have just come into work, opened her office door and popped her head out, her expression astonished. “Who’s yelling? What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Mary answered, mystified until she recognized the three women. The Mean Girls-Giulia Palazzolo, Missy Toohey, and Yolanda Varlecki. Each wore tight blue jeans, huge gold earrings, and a form-fitting leather jacket in shades of black, black, and black, respectively. They all had long, matte-black hair in elaborate ringlets, distinguished only by the color of their highlights. Giulia’s streaks were ruby red, Missy’s bleached white, and Yolanda’s electric blue, our nation’s colors gone terribly wrong.

Giulia shouted, “You’re ignorant, Mare! This is all your fault!”

Missy yelled, “You don’t give a crap about anybody but yourself! I always hated your guts!”

Yolanda hollered, “I could effin’ kill you myself!”

Mary froze. A

“What are you talking about?” Mary asked, but Judy stepped forward and put up a hand.

“Please stop yelling at my friend. That’s so not cool.”

“Yeah, cut it out,” A

“STOP THAT!” came a shout from down the hall, and Mary looked up from Giulia’s chokehold to see Be

“STOP RIGHT NOW!” Be

“You’re scum!” Giulia yelled, pointing a lethal fingernail at Mary, who staggered to her feet and watched Be

“STOP THAT THIS INSTANT!” Be

“Who’re you?” Giulia practically spat. “A freakin’ Amazon?”

“Go.” Be

“Call them,” Giulia shot back “They’re good for nothin’.”

“Wrong, crazy.” Be

“Ha!” Giulia erupted in a laugh. “You should know that your girl turned her back on our best friend-and now she’s gone.”

“You mean Trish?” Mary felt sick.

“Yeah, she’s gone.” Giulia’s mascared eyes burned with outrage. “And so’s he. All because you couldn’t be bothered.”