The Seeker

"Yeah," Liz agreed. "The three of us are fristers."

Fristers. Isabel liked the sound of that. She liked it a lot.

"This is our stop," Liz said.

Isabel stared out the window as the bus pulled up at the mall. Her stomach tightened.

"I want to go to Macy's first," she told Liz and Maria as they climbed off the bus.

"Are you sure?" Maria asked.

Isabel nodded. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it all the way. She was going to go right to the spot where Valenti shot Nikolas.

She took the lead as they entered the store. She strode directly to the formal wear department, not even glancing at the racks of sportswear or the other shoppers,

"I think I want to go the rest of the way by myself," she said.

"Okay, Maria and I will go over to the phones by the elevators," Liz said. "I should call my mom and tell her where I am, anyway. Take as long as you want."

"Yeah. Take as long as you want. But if you're not over to the phones in fifteen minutes, we're coming to get you," Maria added.

"Thanks," Isabel answered. She walked back to the dressing rooms without hesitation. She slipped behind the red curtain shielding the entrance and stood exactly where she had when she watched Valenti murder Nikolas. She peered out at the spot where he had fallen.

The patch of carpet looked just slightly darker than the rest. They'd obviously put in a new piece. The scent of gunpowder grew so strong, she could almost taste it in her mouth. You're imagining it, she reminded herself. You're only imagining it.

Isabel brought her hands to her chest. She started to pick at the polish on her thumbnail. Then she laced her hands tightly together. She wasn't going to start that again. She was going to stand here, just stand here, and look at the spot where Nikolas died.

She let the movie play in her head without trying to block it out, watching Nikolas fall to the ground again, and again, and again. Smelling the gunpowder.

"Can I help you?" a chilly voice asked.

Isabel turned around and saw a saleswoman staring at her. She must have come from one of the dressing rooms.

"I'm just… I'm just looking for a friend," Isabel answered. She turned back around and peered out at the dark patch of carpet again. No movie began in her head. The only odor she smelled was the chalky, musty scent of the curtain. "I guess he isn't here," she added softly.

I did it, she thought. I came here, I looked, and I survived. She pushed her way through the curtain and rushed over to the phones.

"I just want to go to a few more places," she told Liz and Maria, "First the jewelry store."

It was one of the last places she'd been with Nikolas. That's why she wanted to go there. She wanted to remember something besides the way he died, kind of relive their last hours together.

"Lead the way," Maria said.

Isabel hurried out the exit that led into the mall. She breathed in the smell of chocolate cookies from the stand across the way. There wasn't the slightest taint of gunpowder in the delicious scent. She pulled in a long, deep sniff.

She, Liz, and Maria strolled down the main walkway to the jewelry store, then went inside and wandered from counter to counter. Liz and Maria didn't try to get her to talk or anything. They just kept her company. It's like they knew she needed time to remember.

The last time she'd been here, she and Nikolas had had the store to themselves. They'd had the whole mall to themselves. She hadn't known how close Valenti was to finding them. She hadn't known Nikolas only had a few hours left to live.

"I'm ready to move on," Isabel told Maria and Liz.

"Do what you need to do," Liz answered. "We'll be right behind you."

Isabel led the way out of the store and up the escalator to the second floor. She hurried down to the drugstore and went to the old photo booth they had in the back.

She stood there, staring at it. Liz and Maria didn't ask any questions. They just stood with her.

This was the last place she and Nikolas had kissed. And it had been a good kiss, too. Wild and intense-just like Nikolas. Isabel wished she could stop her memories of that night right here.

But it was right after Nikolas kissed her that last time that their awesome night started to turn bad. "Nikolas and I were back here and we heard a security guard," she blurted. She'd wanted to tell somebody this since it happened. "Nikolas told me that I had to knock the guard out. He said if I didn't, he'd let us get caught."

Isabel wrapped her arms around her waist. She kept her eyes locked on the photo booth. She wanted to tell Liz and Maria what happened, but she couldn't look at their faces.

"I didn't want to do it," she continued. "But I was scared. Nikolas would have let the guard find us. I know it. So I jumped out and I did it. I hurt him. I could feel myself hurting him."

"Michael and Alex and I found him," Maria said. "Michael checked him. He was still out, but he was okay."

"That's not even the worst part," Isabel told them. She didn't know if Liz and Maria would still want to call themselves her fristers after they heard the rest.

"The worst part is I told Nikolas knocking out the guard was a rush," Isabel admitted. "I wanted him to think I was fun. Nikolas only wanted to hang out with me when I was fun. Otherwise, forget it."

"Oh, Isabel," Maria whispered. "That's awful. Awful for you, I mean. You loved him, and he treated you…" Maria let her words trail off.

He treated me totally unlike the way Alex does, Isabel thought. She tried to remember the last time he had any fun in her presence. It had to be that night they went miniature golfing because after she met Nikolas, Alex and the others didn't have any fun of any kind. But none of them walked away. And Alex… he'd been her walking, talking security blanket.

There's no way Nikolas would have sat outside her door, telling her goofy stories until his throat went dry just to make her feel better. And if she cried in front of Nikolas even once, he probably would have told her to call him when she was out of diapers.

"I'm going to go in there for a minute," Isabel said. She slipped into the photo booth and sat down on the little stool. She closed the curtain behind her and sighed.

She'd been thinking about Nikolas so much lately. But only about the horrible way he died. He didn't deserve that-no one could possibly deserve that.

But would she even still be with Nikolas if he were alive? Would she still be doing back flips trying to show him how fun she was, trying to prove she wasn't a loser? And getting the hottest kisses ever? She couldn't forget that part.

Not that Alex left her cold or anything. Not hardly. She remembered the homecoming dance, when he'd run his fingers over the bare skin right above her dress's low back. Whoa.

Isabel dug some change out of her bag. She figured Alex deserved a little present for being such a good guy. And what could be a better present than pictures of her?

Isabel slid the change into the slot and pushed the start button. I'm going to be thinking of Alex in every one of these pictures, she promised herself. No one but Alex.

Maria heard a knock at her window. She knew it could only be Michael-everyone else used the front door. She jumped up from her desk and opened the window for him.

"I can't come in. I have to go to work. But I wanted to give you this," Michael told her. He handed her a pen.

Maria raised her eyebrows. "Thanks, I guess," she said. "It's never exactly been a dream of mine to have a pen where a centerfold loses her bathing suit." She tilted the pen back and forth, watching the little bikini slide off and on.