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“Strong enough?” Ash dragged his hand up my spine. “You’re the strongest person I know.”
“I don’t know about that,” I murmured.
His fingers tangled in my hair more. “You freed me, Sera. You took Kolis down.”
I bit the inside of my lip. “And I could’ve done that anytime. I could’ve freed you days or weeks ago. I could’ve—” I stopped myself from going there. “I should’ve realized I could do what I did.”
“Fates, Sera.” Ash lowered his head so I felt his breath against my brow when he spoke. “Even if you realized it earlier, you wouldn’t have been able to free me. I would’ve been in stasis,” he pointed out. “And then what? I have a feeling you wouldn’t have done the right thing.”
“I would’ve gone to the Carcers and woke you from stasis,” I told him. “That is the right thing.”
“The right thing would’ve been making a run for it,” he said softly. “Instead of risking being recaptured.”
“Would you have made a run for it, or would you have come for me?”
“I would’ve come for you, but we’re not talking about me.”
I frowned.
“You also freed me from stasis,” he went on. “You got Kolis to wake me.”
Some of the tension began slithering its way back into me. “He told you that?”
His hand made another pass up and down my back. “He did.”
I turned my head, pressing my forehead against his chest. I wanted to ask exactly what Kolis had said, but I also didn’t want to know.
Ash was quiet for a moment. “That allowed me to escape. So, yes, you’re the strongest, bravest person I know,” he said, and my eyes started to sting. “I thought I was going to save you. Each time I woke, it was all I focused on: getting free and getting to you.”
I thought about what he’d said, how he’d torn at his flesh to get free. The sting behind my eyes increased.
“And I should’ve been able to do that. I should’ve gotten you out instead of going after Kolis,” he said, his voice flattening. “I should’ve been smarter.”
“Don’t.” I tried to lift my head, but his hand kept me in place. His skin was cool and hard beneath my palm. “Don’t put that on yourself. You came for me. You fought Kolis, and I distracted you.”
“Sera—” A breath shuddered from him. “None of that matters now. You’re not there anymore. We’re here.”
He was right. All that could’ve and would’ve had no place here. Not anymore.
I slowly tilted my head back and felt the damp air on my face. Somewhat confident I wouldn’t start sobbing, I dared to open my eyes, finally seeing where we were. There were branches, or perhaps vines, full of large, fu
I felt a twinge in my neck as I leaned farther back. Dappled sunlight penetrated the flowers, sending narrow streams of light down onto a…
Ash’s hands slid away from me, and he allowed me to turn. Wisps of steam drifted up from an earthen pool and danced in the slivers of light.
Based on what limited descriptions I’d heard of the Bonelands, I didn’t think we were there.
“Where are we?”
“We’re in the mortal realm.” Ash stayed close behind me. “This is a hot spring I discovered once. I figured we could both use a couple of moments of privacy and to clean up.”
My gaze crawled over the water, lingering where it churned around the outcroppings of rock. I didn’t need a mirror to know I looked as equally disturbing as Ash.
“I know it’s not your lake, but we’re not that far from the Bonelands. We’re just on the other side of the Skotos.” He paused. “What do you think?”
I blinked. “This is…it’s beautiful.” I shook my head in wonder, taking in the lilacs hanging in clusters from the cavern’s ceiling and the steaming water that glimmered in the slivers of sunlight. “I never even knew such a place existed.”
“It’s pretty hidden away.” Silvery eyes pierced mine as I looked over my shoulder at him. “I’m not sure a single mortal has ever stumbled upon it.”
Holding on to the diamond, I twisted back to the rock pool. “What about Attes? Nektas?”
“They can wait.”
But could we? Could I? The hollowness in my chest hadn’t spread, and my stomach had settled. The ache in my head was manageable. I was tired but not falling down. “Attes will probably need time to find Keella, right?”
“Yes,” he said. “And Nektas knows I’m fine. He can sense if I’m not.”
I nodded, somehow forgetting that a bonded draken could sense when their Primal was in danger. “Does he know about this place?”
“No. No one else does.” His fingers grazed my arm as he scooped the hair clinging to my already-damp skin. “We don’t have much time.”
No, we did not.
“But we have enough.”
There was comfort in knowing that no one would interrupt these stolen moments. A heavy, long breath left me as I looked up through the blossoms to the pinpricks of sunlight. Then I looked down at the diamond. It was warm against my palm, and I could feel it pulsing.
“See the large rocks there, in the center?” Ash pointed to the ones the water lapped against. “As long as you don’t go too far past that, the water will only come to about your shoulders. Beyond that, it does get deeper.”
Tears rushed to my eyes once more, and I blinked them away. Gods, he was so damn thoughtful.
Swallowing, I turned to him. Half of his face was cast in shadow. “How are you feeling?” I glanced down at the diamond. “About this?”
Ash tipped his chin back. “Honestly?” He turned his head. “I don’t know.” His brows knitted. “It’s hard to even think about—if he’s aware in there, knows what is going on outside the diamond.” His jaw flexed, and I hoped—gods, I prayed—that he wasn’t thinking about where The Star had been positioned and what Eythos could’ve seen beneath him. “What it could feel like being trapped in there?”
“It’s…it’s unimaginable.”
He swallowed. “Yeah.”
I glanced down at The Star. The milky light inside had calmed—or at least was no longer zipping back and forth. “I think he’s aware.”
“What—?” Ash cleared his throat, briefly looking away. “What makes you think that?”
“It’s just a feeling. Like maybe the embers of life recognize his soul or something. I don’t know. But the way that light inside moves? It changes speed, becoming…almost frenzied. Now, it’s calm.”
“That light is a soul.” He looked down, almost as if he were finally letting himself do so, and then stepped in closer. His blood-streaked chest rose with a deep breath. “I still don’t feel anything, but that’s what a soul looks like—a good soul. A pure soul would be more intense—a brilliant, blinding white light.”
The light in the diamond—the soul—seemed to float close to the surface of the stone. I wondered what Kolis’s soul would look like.
Gray like the Rot, I imagined. But then I wondered what my soul looked like. My gaze lifted to Ash’s. “Did you know that I wasn’t truly Sotoria?”
His stare met mine. “I couldn’t be sure, but I assumed that what Holland and Penellaphe believed was correct.” His forehead creased as his gaze dropped to the diamond. “When you kept insisting you weren’t her, I did search for an additional imprint of a soul in you, but I never sensed anyone’s presence but yours. That could simply be because your soul is stronger or it’s what I fixated on.”
I had no idea why I was flattered by the fact that he’d fixated on my soul, but I was.
“But it also never mattered to me.”
My breath caught then.
“I didn’t care if you were only Seraphena, or if you had, at one time, been known as Sotoria.” A strand of his hair slipped forward, coming to rest on his cheek. “It didn’t matter to me. You were always Seraphena, no matter what.”
I…I’d been right when I’d thought it hadn’t mattered to Ash either way. Pressing my lips together, I felt tears gathering in my eyes again, but I fought them back. I had to because they were a mix of love and sorrow and because they reminded me this wasn’t fair.