A fire in the flash

The corners of my lips tipped up. “He heard me screaming and was worried. You threatened to murder him if he didn’t leave.”

His brows lifted. “I think I owe him an apology.”

Another giggle snuck free.

Vibrant wisps of eather appeared in his eyes. “Your laugh.” His lashes swept down. “It’s such a beautiful sound.” He swallowed, letting out a ragged breath. The eather had calmed in his eyes. “I love it.”

All thoughts of Kolis, apologizing to Nektas, and well…everything else vanished. Love. I would never get tired of hearing that word coming out of his mouth. Even if it was only him saying he loved grapefruit or…ripping out throats.

Ash’s eyes met mine. “One of the things I need to tell you? I’ve never told anyone.”

“Okay.” I spread my fingers across his chest. “I’m listening.”

He took a deep breath as he eased his hand from my hair and then curled it around my nape. “There…there was a time I hated my father for making this deal, for linking some mortal girl to me when he knew it would only bring death and horror upon her. That was before—well, before I knew why he did it. But every year that passed and the bride promised to him—and then to me—wasn’t born, I celebrated.”

“I can’t blame you for that.”

“Of course, you wouldn’t.” He dropped a kiss to the tip of my nose. “But then you were born, and I hated him even more.” He kneaded the muscles of my neck with gentle pressure as he held me there, then let out a shaky breath. “There are things I haven’t been entirely honest about.”

Curiosity rose. “Like what?”

“I wasn’t exactly truthful about why I refused to take you as my Consort and had limited contact with you. Part of it was to keep you unknown to Kolis, but that wasn’t the only reason.” His eyes searched mine. “The night you were born? I had a dream. I saw you…I saw you as you are now, in that—” He inhaled sharply. “In that lake of yours, and so godsdamn beautiful.” His voice thickened. “Your hair cascaded across the dark water like spun moonlight, and these perfect, rosy lips were smiling up at me.”

I grew still as a vague memory of what he’d told me while I was in stasis resurfaced. Something about having a dream that wasn’t. When he saw my lake before he ever laid eyes on it.

“I saw you dying in that lake, and I saw myself—” He became as rigid as I was, then shook his head. “I chalked it up to my imagination, even though I sensed your birth. Just a strange dream. But then I saw you as a child, and I…I saw the lake.” He shuddered. “You know this already, but I kept track of you over the years, mostly to ensure you were safe. I witnessed you slowly becoming the beautiful woman I had seen in my dream.”

A tremor swept through me, and I slid my hand from his chest. I grasped the back of his neck, my heart aching at where I suspected this was headed—the story of what he’d done to himself. I wished more than anything that my suspicions weren’t true because if I was right, the guilt must have…gods, it had to have been killing him this whole time.

“I did everything in my power to deny that the dream was anything more than that. Even after the first night I was to take you as my Consort.”

A muscle bunched in his jaw. “Even after I sensed your emotions—the bravery that overshadowed your fear. I’d never felt anything like that before, not from generals in wars long since forgotten or gods as they faced down Kolis before their deaths. And each and every time I saw you from then on, that bravery never faltered. Not when I saw you that night in the Garden District at the seamstress’s house and that damn lake. You were always so fucking brave, even when your life was in danger or you were in pain.”

His lips firmed, a tangible sign of the emotions that churned within him. “And what I sensed from you, time and time again, was the same thing I sensed in that dream—fear but bravery as you died. And I could no longer deny that it was no simple dream. It was a vision. It didn’t show me how you died or why, but I believed Kolis had to be involved. So, I was determined to keep what I saw from coming true. At least that’s what I told myself. But in reality, Sera? What I saw—what I felt—in that vision? It terrified me.” His jaw flexed. “So, I had my kardia removed right before I brought you into the Shadowlands. I was still healing from it the first few days.”

My breath stilled in my lungs. I was right. Worse yet, I clearly remembered accidentally walking into him after having supper in the dining hall. His hiss of agony had stayed with me. Tears dampened my lashes. Somehow, knowing that he’d had his kardia removed after growing to know me made it all…it made it even more tragic.

He briefly closed his eyes. “I never should have done it. I should’ve been more like you—afraid but courageous. Instead, I was a coward.”

“No,” I denied, rising onto one elbow. “You’ve never been—”

“I was, Sera.”

Tangled curls fell over my shoulders as I sat up, the ends brushing against my legs. “You’re no coward.”

“I appreciate your denial. I do.” He rose at the waist, shifting his weight to the hand next to my curled knee. “Your life could’ve been so fucking different. Your family never would’ve punished you. You wouldn’t have had to feel as if you were alone—never allowed to experience what most take for granted. You wouldn’t have felt like a monster. My apologies were and will never be enough. I could’ve—”

“Stop,” I pleaded. “Listen to me. I’m not going to lie, Ash. I wish you’d made a different choice, but the one you made doesn’t make you a coward. It makes you stronger than anyone I know.”

His mouth opened.

“It does,” I insisted. “You sacrificed so much to protect me. More than I think you even realize.”

A lock of hair fell over his cheek as his chin lowered. His eyes closed. “You’re too understanding—accepting. Under all that toughness, you’re too kind.”

“I don’t know about all of that, but what I do know is that you’re not a coward. You did what you believed was best with the knowledge you had. It isn’t your fault.” I flattened my hand against his cheek. “If the Fates hadn’t decreed that no one could speak of what Eythos did, you would’ve made different choices. All of us would have.”

Ash nodded slowly. As I eyed him, I sensed there was more. What? I didn’t know. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure how I even knew there was more. Like before, it was almost like the knowledge or awareness simply formed in my mind. It reminded me of…

A shaky breath left me. What had Kolis said about Eythos? About the Primal of Life? That he had foresight? Intuition. Ash’s father hadn’t been born with it. He’d received it upon his Ascension.

Holy crap, did that mean I was now a know-it-all? Because if so, I would be way more obnoxious than ever.

But none of that mattered right now.

Ash did.

I drew my fingers along his shoulder, letting the unknown knowledge of there being more to what Ash said come to me. It wasn’t hard. I just didn’t think about what came to mind. I spoke it instead. “Did…did that dream or vision show you anything else?”

He cleared his throat. “It showed me what happened after you died. I saw the realms die—both mortal and that of the gods, and they…” His eyes met mine. “They died at my hands.”

The words he’d spoken right before he Ascended me… I knew he’d been speaking the truth then, and I heard that truth even now. Felt it.

“I had my kardia removed because I knew you were the one who would one day wreck me,” he rasped. “And only one thing could cause such agony, such destruction from a god or a Primal of Death.” His eyes searched mine. “That vision showed me that I’d fallen in love with you, and that it wasn’t Kolis who ended the realms. It was me. I ended them because I lost you.”

“Ash,” I whispered.

“And I thought removing my kardia would save you and the realms.” A harsh laugh punched out of him. “But in reality, it brought the realms within mere minutes of destruction. And maybe I read that vision wrong. Maybe it was trying to warn me not to do it. I have no idea. But…” His eyes glimmered. “But I still fell, Sera. Hard and fast. Irrevocably. Even without my kardia, I fell in love with you.”