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Nyktos was a protector with far more than one decent bone, but some of that did belong to me and only me.
I didn’t need him to prove that because he already had, three years ago when he refused to take me as his Consort. I just hadn’t realized it then, and gods knew it hadn’t turned out how he’d expected, but he’d wanted to give me freedom. Hold. And he’d proven it over and over again since then, when he prevented me from getting myself killed in the Luxe and didn’t touch a single hair on my head when I stabbed him in the heart. He’d stopped Tavius when no one else would or could. He’d saved my life again by giving me a rare antidote to a deadly toxin, and he did so before he even knew about the embers. He’d taken my mother down by several notches and then some. Then there was what Rhain had claimed after the Cimmerian came to the gates of the Rise. The unknown sacrifice Nyktos denied. Breathe out.
Even after he’d learned what I’d pla
I knew this. After all, he’d given me his blood because he didn’t want to see me in pain.
Nektas had been right.
Nyktos did understand my actions. He accepted them. Two things even I knew were far more important than forgiveness. Nyktos knew me. Heard me. And he made sure I understood that a part of me was good. That he didn’t see me as a ghost. Or a monster. He saw me, as someone strong and brave with or without the embers, and I now knew he’d been telling the truth when he claimed to be angrier about what he believed to be my lack of regard for my life. That he cared despite his resolve not to see me as anything more than a Consort in title only. Despite his very real inability to love. And because of that, all of that…
I wanted more.
I wanted to be his wife.
His partner.
His Queen.
I wanted to be Nyktos’s Consort.
Afraid Jadis was falling, my arms tightened around her out of instinct as I became aware of her weight easing from my chest.
“It’s okay. I have her now.”
My eyes fluttered open in confusion at the sound of Nektas’s voice. He was seated at my hip, carefully untangling his daughter’s fingers from my hair. It was clear she still slept, her legs limp, even though her hold on my hair was stubborn.
“She doesn’t want to let go,” Nektas noted with a faint grin.
Realizing I must’ve fallen asleep, I glanced at the floor. Aios and the dishes were gone. My gaze flicked up to where Reaver was curled in the chair next to the couch, eyes open but sleepy.
“I’ve never seen her sleep this long.” Reaver rubbed at his cheeks with his fist. “Ever.”
Exactly how long had we been napping? I wasn’t sure, and it didn’t matter because I also realized my chest was humming faintly, meaning only one thing. My gaze swung back to Nektas’s hands. Nyktos was here. In this chamber.
Everything that I had been thinking about before I fell asleep came back to me in a rush. What I knew. What I wanted. Oh, gods. My heart was pounding all over the place, and I was a second away from tearing my hair free and ru
And that scared me even more since there was a really good chance I’d screw up a possible future—if there turned out to be one—with Nyktos. One that could be real. I wasn’t just a messy person. I was the mess. I was temperamental. Violent. Stubborn. Prone to moodiness, anxious one second and overly confident the next. I could barely deal with myself on most days, but I wanted Nyktos to be able to handle me. My breath wheezed as Nektas worked all but one last tangle from Jadis’s fingers.
“This is all your fault,” I muttered under my breath.
Nektas’s hands halted. “What is?”
“Everything,” I grumbled. “Except the current situation with Jadis and my hair.”
“It’s been a long time since someone blamed me for nearly everything while I had no idea what I’d done.” A quizzical smile appeared. “Strangely, I think I missed that.” Nektas’s eyes lifted to mine—
I stiffened.
His eyes flashed a shade of blue so bright and intense that they briefly resembled polished sapphires before they returned to the deep red hue I knew.
“Your eyes,” I whispered as he finally got his daughter’s hand free of my hair, tucking her and her blanket against his broad chest. “Not sure if you’re aware of this, but they just changed color for a couple of seconds.”
Everything about Nektas changed in an instant. The smile was gone. His features sharpened as the faint ridges of scales became more prominent. “What color did they turn?”
“Blue.” I glanced at Reaver, who looked as if he was still half-asleep. “A really bright, intense blue.” I thought his skin lost a little of the rich, coppery hue it usually had, but I wasn’t sure. “Is that normal?”
“Sometimes,” he murmured, then leaned forward. He pressed a quick kiss to my forehead, stu
I watched Nektas rise, not quite sure how I’d watched over them unless falling asleep counted. Reaver clamored from his chair as Nektas stepped to the side, and then I finally saw him.
Nyktos leaned against the bare wall, arms crossed over the dark gray tunic he must’ve changed into. His head was tilted to the side, and I was no longer thinking of changing eye colors because the expression on his face was soft and warm.
Nektas stopped by the Primal, speaking too low for me to hear. Whatever Nektas said to him caused Nyktos to push off the wall. His arms unfolded as he glanced at me.
I resisted the urge to wiggle myself between the cushions.
Nektas nodded at something Nyktos said, then turned to Reaver. The young boy gave me a little wave, and then the trio disappeared into the hall. We were alone, and Nyktos was walking toward me. I was a mess, only managing to sit up as he came to me, taking the seat Nektas had occupied as I busied myself with straightening the hem of my vest.
“I see someone likes your hair as much as I do.”
“Yeah,” I whispered, and that was all I said.
There was a beat of silence. “You okay?”
“I…I think my hair is sticky.” Closing my eyes, I ordered myself to get it together. There was no reason for me to behave so strangely. My big, u
Sounded like a plan.
I peeked up at him. Tension had gathered in the lines of his mouth and brow. Concern blossomed.
His gaze swept over my face so intensely I wondered if he was counting my freckles again. Or if I’d been projecting the wild mix of emotions earlier, and he was trying to figure out what had caused them. I really hoped it was the former.
It was neither.
“You’ve been sleeping a lot more lately,” he said.
A little bit of relief swept through me, but it was brief. “I know. I feel fine,” I quickly added. “No headaches or anything, but I didn’t sleep this much before. I guess it’s the Culling,” I finally admitted aloud—and to myself.
Nyktos nodded. “It could’ve been the training this morning—”
“I don’t want to stop.”
He pulled back as I swung my legs off the couch and scooted to the edge. “I’m not suggesting we do.”