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Excitement hummed through me, but I was still cautious. “Are you on board?”
“I don’t like the idea of you being out there without the protection of the title, whether that is here or in the mortal realm.” He set his glass down while I tried not to attach any deeper meaning to what he’d said. “And it’s not because I’m trying to control you—”
“I know,” I cut in, and I did.
“I’m relieved to hear that. I’ve feared…”
“What?” I asked when he didn’t finish.
“I’ve feared that this situation we’re in could make you feel that way.” Nyktos stared at his glass. “That I’ve made you feel that way because I’ve used my authority to stop you from doing what you want, and I…” His brows furrowed as he shook his head. “I don’t like it.”
I stared at him for what felt like a small eternity, unsure what to say. He had used his authority to stop me from doing a pretty long list of things—stuff that would have likely resulted in me being injured or ending up dead. “There is a difference between someone trying to control you and someone trying to protect you. I know I may not behave like there’s a difference, but I do know there is one.”
Nyktos’s softly lit eyes lifted to mine.
“There just needs to be a balance, you know? When the need to protect what’s valuable doesn’t get in the way of what needs to be done.”
He nodded slowly. “I’m discovering that balance is not easy to find. But I’m on board. We have plans for tomorrow, it appears, and Nektas will be unavailable the day after that, but in two days, you will go to the Pools of Divanash with Nektas.”
I tried to fight the smile, but there was no stopping it from spreading across my face. There was no hiding it from him either. His eyes had lightened even more, and I wondered if he was aware of how they’d changed.
Nyktos’s gaze flickered away as he took a long drink of his wine. “Anyway,” he said, clearing his throat, “I heard Erlina brought by the clothing she made. Were you pleased?”
“They are all beautiful.”
“Hopefully, they’re less distracting.”
“They are.”
“Thank the Fates.”
I leaned back in my chair, eyeing him over the rim of my glass. In the loose, untucked black shirt he wore and with his hair free, he reminded me of how he’d been when I’d been with him beside my lake. A powerful, otherworldly being, but not one that existed outside my reach.
He is how you wish him to be.
It was hard not to see him as Ash in these quiet moments.
“I have a question for you,” I said.
“Ask away.”
“I’m not sure I should. I feel like ma
“You have never struck me as the type to give much thought to ma
“I have been known to pay heed to ma
His eyes warmed as they settled on me. “What is your question?”
I took another drink of what I hoped served as a wee bit of liquid courage. “I’m surprised that you’re here.”
“That doesn’t sound like a question, Sera.”
The way he said my name… Muscles low in my stomach coiled even tighter. “You’re right. It really wasn’t a question. More of a statement. I just didn’t think you’d have di
“I was under the impression that you didn’t believe I would meet any of the demands you made today,” he said.
“Am I that transparent?”
“Usually, you are not. But in this, you are as transparent as a window,” he remarked.
I rolled my eyes.
“Joining you for supper is a small thing,” he added. “And an easy one to accommodate.”
“That has to be the first thing you’ve done with me that you’ve found easy.”
His eyes met mine. “It’s not the first thing.”
Silence stretched between us, and it felt like time slowed to an infinite crawl as I took in the softening of his gaze and the harsh lines of his features. He started to tilt forward and then caught himself. Clearing his throat, he looked away, breaking whatever strange spell seemed to have fallen over us.
In the quiet, I searched for something to say. Luckily, I remembered something Attes had said yesterday. “Were you friends with the Cimmerian? Dorcan?”
His attention shifted back to me. “I told you before. I have no friends.”
He had said that, but I thought of his guards and Nektas, who considered him family. “Did he consider you a friend?”
“I ca
“But you knew him,” I persisted.
Nyktos shifted in his chair, his attention dropping to his glass. “I’ve known him for a while. He wasn’t always a part of Hanan’s Court.”
That was more of an answer than I expected. “You said that he could’ve chosen another’s Court to serve. But he said that wasn’t possible. Why was he serving under Hanan if he was part of Attes’s lineage?”
“Attes is not just the Primal of War. He’s also the Primal of Accord. He prefers agreement over discord, so Vathi is mostly peaceful. At least, his half is,” he explained. “The Cimmerian can get a bit…antsy if there’s no blood to spill, so many leave Vathi to serve in other Courts. Hanan has a lot of them.”
“Because Hanan is a coward and needs others to fight for him?”
Nyktos chuckled roughly. “Hanan loves the hunt if he is not equally matched. So, yes, that was a rather on-point observation.”
I cracked a small grin as I tugged the edge of the napkin to my chin. “It’s strange to me that a Primal can be a coward.”
“Strength and power only go so far, and it rarely changes a person for the better.” Nyktos dropped his hand to his chest as his words caused a shiver to curl down my spine. “Anyway, Dorcan likely pledged a blood oath to Hanan—one that can only be broken by death. That would be the only reason he couldn’t leave Court. Stupid move on his part. I would’ve expected him to be smarter than that.”
“That’s a strange thing to expect from someone you don’t consider a friend,” I murmured.
Nyktos snorted.
I nibbled on my lip, telling myself to stay quiet, but I had to know. “You have friends.”
“Sera—”
“Denying that you do doesn’t change the fact that people care about you. Nor does it change that you care for them. It’s okay to have friends.” I could practically feel his gaze drilling into me. “But I’m sorry that you had to kill another.”
Nyktos was quiet.
“You wouldn’t have had to do it if he hadn’t seen me,” I admitted.
“It would’ve inevitably happened.”
Was that the true, foregone conclusion? That there would be more death? If it came to war among the Primals, it would be.
“And you’re wrong,” he said. “It’s not okay to care for others when it gets them tortured or killed.”
My fingers tightened around the stem of my glass as I thought of what he’d said in the bathing chamber that afternoon. All of those vast reasons behind why he couldn’t afford for me to be a distraction. “Kolis?”
Nyktos didn’t answer. He didn’t need to.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He stared at me, and after a moment, he nodded again.
“Nektas said…he said that you’ve been able to convince Kolis that you are loyal to him.”
“I have.”
“Then why does he treat you like this?” I asked, unable to believe that Kolis was simply punishing Nyktos for actions he believed were nothing more than Nyktos testing limits. “Is it because of your father?”
“Probably. But it’s not that much different than how he is with other Primals who actually are loyal to him. One way or another, they fall in and out of favor with him as quickly as you go through clean clothing.”
I huffed out a laugh, but I wished he’d told the truth. Instinct told me that while Kolis was likely cruel to others, it was different with Nyktos. That while his treatment of Nyktos may have originally stemmed from his father, it had to be more than that. That it co
He was quiet for several moments. “The other night? When I came into your bedchamber?”