A light in the flame

“It was beautiful—the lights and the people.” I sat—carefully—on the edge of the couch, placing my hands over the diamond-adorned skirt of my gown. I was still surprised that none had fallen off during the return to the Shadowlands. A true testament to Erlina’s skill. “And it was easier than I expected.”

“You thought there’d be some sort of disturbance?” He twisted off the crystal stopper.

“I did. Or that Kolis would change his mind and show. Do you think it’s odd that Kolis only sent a few dakkais to Vathi instead of an army of them?”

“I imagine the dakkais lost the scent since it wasn’t as strong as when you Ascended Bele. If the trail had lingered, they likely would’ve done to Vathi what they tried to do to the Shadowlands.”

Nodding, I watched him pour the amber liquor into two glasses, thinking of the Primal of Rebirth. “I think Keella knows it’s me—that I’m the one she helped place Sotoria’s soul in. It’s hard to explain, but it’s the way…I don’t know. How she smiled at me.” Realizing that didn’t exactly sound like legitimate evidence, I shrugged as I took a sip. The liquor was a bit sweeter than the whiskey I’d drunk before. “What is this?”

“It’s whiskey but made differently. Caramel forward, or so they say,” he said. “Do you like it? If not, I can get you something else.”

“It’s fine.” I took another drink, liking it. “I could be wrong—about Keella.”

“You may not be, Sera.”

I blew out a low breath, unsure how to feel about any of that. “But she’s to be trusted, right? If she does know that Kolis is searching for me, she has never told him.”

He nodded. “She’s one of the few Primals that I somewhat trust.”

“Somewhat?”

“I trust no Primal one hundred percent.” He glanced at me. “Especially not when it comes to you.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I took a longer drink. I knew better than to ask about Attes. His trust of that Primal was a rather reluctant one. I glanced at Ash, finding him watching me in that wholly intense way of his. Dragging my finger around the rim of the glass, I changed the subject. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

“I’m excited. We’ll have the knowledge of how to transfer the embers.” He paused. “Are you?”

“I think I’m a mixture of many things. Nervous that we won’t be able to find Delfai or that he won’t be able to help us. Excited about the prospect that he will have the knowledge,” I admitted. “I know it won’t change everything immediately even once the transfer happens. We’ll still have Kolis to deal with. But you’ll be the true Primal of Life soon, as you always should have been. And that’s important.”

“What’s important is that your life will be saved. That’s what matters.”

My gaze cut to his. You matter. Always. Those three words were more powerful than the ones I hadn’t been able to speak. One could easily argue that him seizing his true destiny was far more important than my life, but I…I believed he truly felt that my life was more important.

And that made what I felt for him root itself even deeper.

“I’ve been wanting to ask you something all night,” he said. “What changed this?”

I bit down on the inside of my cheek. “Changed what?”

He gave me a knowing look with a raised brow. “You said that you only wanted to be my Consort in title.”

“But I did say that I wanted to be more than that before,” I pointed out. “Am I not entitled to change my mind?”

One side of his lips kicked up. “You’re entitled to the realm, Sera, but that’s a rather stark change in emotions when I would think that Veses’ most recent actions would’ve fortified your wishes to remain distant.”

My mouth dried, and I didn’t think any amount of whiskey would alleviate that. I’d been doing my best not to think about what I’d learned—mostly succeeding in that endeavor. “It wasn’t a change in emotions. What I feel for you didn’t change,” I said carefully. “My opinion on how I wanted to proceed changed.”

“My apologies,” he drawled, thick lashes shielding his eyes. “What provoked this change of opinion then?”

I squirmed a little. “Does it matter?”

“It does.”

My grip on the glass tightened. I didn’t want to betray what Rhain had shared with me. I also couldn’t tell him that I loved him—that I’d been in love with him before I learned of the deal he’d struck with Veses to keep me safe. I glanced at him, and my silly heart swelled so fiercely that my breath snagged. A storm of emotions flooded me. I didn’t feel fear or disbelief as I looked at him. I felt wonder. A wild fluttering in my chest and stomach. A need for him that went beyond the physical. A powerful empathy for him—the need to protect him even though he was more than capable of doing that himself. A feeling of rightness, or as Aios had said, the feeling of being at home. Of being seen. The knowledge that I’d do anything for him. Anything. The fear that I would never be worthy of what he had sacrificed for me. And the determination that I would do everything to be that. I was drowning in all those feelings until my heart began to pound with the intensity of what I felt—with the knowledge that it was he who held my heart—only him.

Those thick lashes of his lifted as his gaze roamed over my face. Seconds ticked by. “What are you thinking about?”

I stiffened. Oh, gods, I’d likely been projecting. “What do you feel?”

“I don’t know.” He sounded confounded, curious. “I…I taste sweetness.” His brows pinched. “It reminds me of chocolate and strawberries.”

“And you don’t know what that is?”

“I don’t,” Ash said, frowning.

Gods.

My heart cracked a little as I quickly looked away. He didn’t know what he tasted because he didn’t know what love tasted like. Or felt like. Neither did I. Not until I realized what I’d been feeling, but Ash…it was different for him because his kardia had been removed. Love was never something welcomed or wanted.

I swallowed the knot, hoping I wasn’t projecting anything and that he wasn’t reading me. I didn’t want him to feel that sorrow.

“You still haven’t answered my question,” he persisted softly. “Why am I now Ash to you? Why would you want to be more than a Consort in title only after I hurt you? After I—”

“I know,” I cut in, briefly closing my eyes.

“Know what?”

“I know you didn’t betray me.” I sat the glass aside, choosing my words carefully. “And that you truly didn’t want to hurt my feelings. That it…it wasn’t like that.”

Ash was quiet.

Squaring my shoulders, I pushed anything I might feel down so deep, he wouldn’t be able to pick up on it. Other than my anger, I doubted he would want to taste anything else. I twisted toward him, hoping I didn’t tear any of the diamonds free. “I know about Veses.”

His features sharpened as he lowered the glass to his knee. That was the only change. The only sign that he knew what I was referencing. “Did she tell you?”

I opened my mouth but decided it was probably best that he believed that. I didn’t want him to be upset with Rhain. “I…” I trailed off, having no idea what to say. The deal he made involved me, but he had been the one who sacrificed. Him that Veses’ cruelty had impacted. This wasn’t about how I felt about it. My horror or anger or agony. There was only one thing I could say. “Thank you.”

The glass shattered in Ash’s hand.

Gasping, I shot to my feet as liquor and glass fell across his knee and onto the floor. Streaks of red smeared his palm. “You cut yourself.”

“I’m fine.” He closed his fingers over the pieces of glass.

“You’re cutting yourself even more!” I bent, grasping his hand as I brushed the shards of glass from his knee and the settee. The charge of energy was stronger. Blood welled between his fingers. “Good gods,” I whispered, returning to sit beside him. “Open your hand.”

“I told you, I’m fine.”