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When Monkey at the bottom of the cauldron heard the idiot abusing him like that he could not restrain himself from turning back into himself, standing up in the cauldron, and saying, “Dreg-guzzling moron! Who do you think you're swearing at?”

“Disciple,” said Sanzang on seeing him, “you gave me a terrible fright.”

“Big Brother's used to shamming dead,” said Friar Sand. The civil and military officials were thrown into such a panic that they went forward to report to the king.

“Your Majesty, the monk did not die. He has just stood up in the cauldron.” The officer supervising the executions was afraid that he would be in trouble for having earlier made a false report to the king, so he submitted a new one: “The monk did die, but as this is an ill-omened day he has come back as a ghost to haunt us.”

This made Monkey so angry that he sprang out of the cauldron, wiped the oil off himself, put on his clothes, pulled out his cudgel, and hit the supervisor of the executions so hard that his head turned to a meatball. “A ghost, indeed,” he said, giving the officers such a fright that they untied Pig, fell to their knees, and pleaded, “Forgive us, forgive us.” As the king came down from his dragon throne Monkey went into the hall, seized hold of him, and said, “Don't go, Your Majesty. Make the Third Teacher of the Nation get into the cauldron of oil now.”

“Third Teacher of the Nation,” said the king with much trembling, “you must get into the cauldron at once to save my life.

“Don't let the monk hit me.” Antelope Power then went down from the throne hall and like Monkey took off his clothes, jumped into the oil, and went through the motions of washing himself.

Monkey let the king go, went up to the cauldron, and told those tending the fire to add more fuel. Then he put out his hand to feel and found to his astonishment that the bubbling oil was icy cold.

“It was boiling hot when I had my bath,” he thought, “but it's cold for his. I'm sure that one of the dragon kings must be protecting him.” He leap straight up into midair, said the magic word “Om,” and summoned the Dragon King of the Northern Ocean.

“I'll get you, you horned worm, you loach with scales on,” said Monkey. “How dare you help the Taoist by protecting the bottom of the cauldron as a cold dragon and letting him beat me in this display of divine powers!”

The dragon king was so frightened that he kept making respectful noises as he replied, “I'd never have dared help him. There is more to this than you realize, Great Sage. That evil beast has strenuously cultivated his conduct, shaken off his original shell, and has only really kept his five-thunder magic. In all other respects he has taken the path of heresy and could never return to the true Way. This is the 'Great Opening-up' that he learned on Lesser Mount Mao. The other two have already had their powers defeated by you, Great Sage, and reverted to their true appearances. The cold dragon this one uses is one that he created for himself, but it is only a trick with which to fool common mortals: it could not deceive you, Great Sage. I shall now take that cold dragon under my control, and guarantee that his skin and bones will now be fried to a crisp.”

“Hurry up about it if you don't want a beating,” said Monkey, at which the dragon king changed into a fierce gust of wind that seized the cold dragon and carried it off to the sea.

Monkey now came down to earth and stood beside Sanzang, Pig and Friar Sand in front of the throne hall watching the Taoist struggling without success to climb out of the boiling oil. Then the Taoist slipped back into the cauldron, and in an instant his bones came apart as his skin was fried crisp and his flesh cooked tender.

The official supervising the executions came in again to report, “Your Majesty, the Third Teacher of the Nation has been deep-fried to death.” The tears gushed from the king's eyes as he struck the table by the throne and cried aloud,

“Hard is the gaining of life and hard is its end;

Elixir never refine without true instruction.

Vainly the spirits are raced and water-spells made;

Pills that can make you immortal are only a fiction.

Nirvana can never be won by a mind in disorder;

Cu

Had I been warned that all could so easily fail,

I'd have kept to the diet and chosen a life of inaction.”

Indeed:

There was no use in the golden touch and in making elixir;

Calling up wind and summoning rain all ended in failure.

If you do not know how the master and his disciples continued, listen to the explanation in the next installment.

Chapter 47

The Holy Monk Is Stopped by the River of Heaven at Night

Metal and Wood in Their Mercy Rescue a Child

The king collapsed on his throne in tears and cried till nightfall. Then Monkey stepped forward and called out, “Don't be so silly. Look at those Taoists' bodies. One was a tiger and the other was a deer. Antelope Power was an antelope. If you don't believe me, have his bones fished out and take a look at them. Is that a human skeleton? They were all mountain beasts who became spirits and came here to destroy you. The only reason they had not struck yet was because your life force is still strong; but in another couple of years when your life force was weaker they would have murdered you and your whole kingdom would have been theirs. You are very lucky that we came here in time to destroy their evil and save your life. What are you crying for? Give us our passport at once and let us go.”

This finally brought the king to his senses, and then the civil and military officials reported together, “The first two who died were indeed a white deer and a yellow tiger; and the cauldron contains the bones of an antelope. The holy monk must be believed.”

“If that is the case I must thank the holy monk,” said the king, who then said to his tutor, “it is late now, so please take the holy monks to the Deep Wisdom Monastery. Tomorrow morning the Eastern hall of the palace shall be opened up and the royal kitchens shall lay on a vegetarian banquet as a mark of our thanks.” They were then taken to the monastery, where they slept that night.

Shortly before dawn the next morning the king held an audience at which he ordered the officials to issue a notice to be posted at the four gates of the city and on every road recalling Buddhist monks. While the banquet was being set out the king went in his carriage to the gates of the Deep Wisdom Monastery to invite the Tang Priest and his disciples to the banquet in the Eastern hall of the palace.

When the Buddhist monks who had escaped learned of the notice they all returned in delight to the city to find the Great Sage Monkey, return his hairs, and thank him. When the banquet was over the king returned Sanzang the passport and escorted him out through the gates of the palace with his queen, consorts and concubines and the civil and military officials, The Buddhist monks could be seen kneeling beside the road and calling out, “Great Sage Equaling Heaven, we are the monks your lordship saved on the sandbank. Now that we have heard that you lordship has destroyed those evil beings and saved us, and His Majesty has issued a notice recalling us monks, we have come to return your hairs and kowtow in gratitude.”

“How many of you are there here?” Monkey asked.

“All five hundred: we are not one short.”

Monkey then shook himself and took the hairs back before saying to king, subjects, monks and lay people alike, “It was I who released these monks, it was I who took the cart through the two gates and along the ridge before smashing it, and it was I who killed those evil Taoists. Now that the evil has been destroyed you will realize that there is a Way in the Buddha's faith. From now on you must have no more foolish beliefs. I hope that you will combine the three teachings by honoring both the Buddhist clergy and the Way of Taoism, and by also educating men of talent in the Confucian tradition. I can guarantee that this will make you kingdom secure for ever.” The king accepted this advice and expressed his gratitude at great length as he accompanied the Tang Priest out of the city.