My Ice Prince

– That's the thing, we haven't. How can I explain it to you? You all don't trust me, and it depresses me. – I considered every word carefully. – You don't believe in my independence, you don't believe that I can decide something on my own, without you: without you, Dad, brothers and sisters.

– Misha, of course, we trust you, but you must understand: in our world, as well as in the human world, there are rules that must be observed by everyone. If everyone acts only according to their own wishes, there will be disorder in the world, and the system built over centuries will collapse. Moreover, you should remember that in our world the rules are immutable, and only thanks to them we can live in peace and successfully hide our existence from mortals. Humans are imperfect, yes, they have a lot of freedom, but they have nothing to hide, and we do.

– I understand this perfectly well, but you should also understand my position: I believe in my own strength and in the fact that I can take care of myself.

– Honey, I'm not saying you can't take care of yourself. I'm saying that you can't do it yet, because of your age. You have to accept that. You have a lot to learn: everything we have achieved is the result of effort, hardship, training and exercise.

– So teach me all that! – I objected.

– It's too early for you to learn it: the first killings are shocking, so you have to be prepared for them, first of all, mentally.

– I am ready for it. I realise it's the only way we can feed ourselves.

– That's not what I'm saying: you're still too inexperienced, but you'll learn everything in due time.

I sighed heavily: «in due time!»

I had thousands of arguments and beliefs ru

– Well, I'm willing to accept that. But I don't understand why you won't let me go to Oxford. – I persisted.

Mum stopped smiling and her face became very serious.

– Because I'm afraid for you» she replied.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

– You're afraid of something I'm not? – There was no limit to my surprise.

– Exactly.

– But it's wrong: if you don't let me go, I'll never be independent. You let Mariszka go to the Sorbo

– Mariszka is a different story. Her youth was in a different era, more peaceful, and yours is in the midst of a million temptations.

– Then you think I am worse than Maria and Mariszka? – I exclaimed unhappily.

– No, not at all! – Mum sighed and took my hands in hers. – I'm afraid you won't be able to understand, but I'll try to explain. We live in a difficult, turbulent and frightening time: temptation and exposure are at every turn. And I want to protect you from them. I don't know how else I can raise you to be a true vampire in this time. You're not strong enough to resist what's around you-you don't have the core that we have, and I want you to stay away from mortals because you're not immune to them yet, and it's hard and painful to get that immunity, and I'm afraid…» Mom stopped talking.

I looked at her expectantly, silently demanding that she finish her sentence.

– You'll understand me. Someday you will» Mum said without finishing her thought.

Her words moved me: despite my outward indifference, I was extremely sensitive.

– But, mum, hear me! You can trust me, because I trust in myself! I can stand up to them, I can! I feel it with all my heart and with all my soul! – I exclaimed desperately, squeezing her palm.

– Misha…

– All right! If you are afraid to let me go alone, put someone to me, like you did with my brother Markus in Bohemia! I'll do it! Just let me go to Oxford, Mum! I want to live and learn to be a real vampire!

Mum turned her face away, as if it was hard for her to look at me.

– You can go to Prague, to Mariszka's» she said finally, after a long silence.

I frowned disappointedly: she was talking about her own things again!

– But then I wouldn't develop! Mariszka will replace you and overprotect me, and I want to feel free to act, but I absolutely understand and accept my responsibilities, – I said.

But Mum didn't answer me.

– After all, I am no more stupid than people my age,' I added. – Please think about it. Maybe you could ask someone you know who lives in England to look after me.

– Not now, Misha. It's very hard for me to talk about it. We'll talk in a month, when your father, brothers and Maria arrive,' Mum said firmly.

– But, Mum…

– I'm not saying no to you, but I need time to… I need to think things over, maybe I can arrange things. I just won't be able to live peacefully knowing that you are far away from me, because I missed Mariszka's hunt to be with you. You are my youngest child and by far my favourite. I love all of you, Martin, Mścislav, Maria, Mariszka, but they are grown up and have become independent, and you are still a child. You were born in this incomprehensible time of universal equality, and you are very impressionable. But I realise I can't keep you at home. Let me think about it. You won't be able to go to Oxford this year anyway.

I nodded silently, marvelling at my foresight: I had already taken the entrance exams online, and I had recently received an email notifying me that I had been accepted into the philosophy department, just as I had dreamed.

I was filled with joy that, thanks to my adult conversation with my mum, I had achieved a lot. Of course, Mum didn't agree, but she promised to think about it. And that's a result.

– Okay, I'll wait. Just please don't think that being away from me is the worst thing in life. I mean, have faith in me, Mum. I promise I'll justify your trust, and if I don't succeed, I'll come home voluntarily. Just understand me.

I had no more words. I kissed Mum's hand and left the office.

Not a sound, not even the rustle of paper, came from her office for another hour or so. Apparently, I had struck Mum in the heart.

But I felt euphoric, and I vowed to become myself, to become the Misha that Cedric saw in me, the one who had cried in front of him.

***

At the end of August, the whole family, except for Mariszka, who had officially joined the Morgan clan and was no longer considered a member of our Mroczek clan, gathered in the large living room to discuss my fate. So that I couldn't hear what they were talking about (a laugh!), they sent me out of town, to our big cottage, and for some reason the discussion dragged on for almost a week: it was the first of September, and I would have to get ready for school, and they couldn't give me an answer as to whether I was going or staying at home. I called someone from the family every day to ask if they had finalised their discussion, but for the sixth day in a row I heard the same thing: «maybe tomorrow».

I knew how much I was loved by my extended family and how much everyone was used to my constant presence at home. When I was very young I was simply carried in their arms, for I was an adorable late baby. I was vaguely aware that vampires breed very slowly, and that I was the only vampire under a hundred years old, meaning that there were no vampires my age or younger than me in the whole world, which was depressing: my brothers were over two hundred years old-Martin was three hundred and five, Mścislav was two hundred and fifty; my sisters were slightly younger-Maria was two hundred and thirteen, and Mariszka was two hundred in August. Well, and me – eighteen. In December I'll be nineteen.

My older brothers and sisters did not understand me, but spoilt me and fulfilled all my requests: in winter Mscislav and Martin drove me on sledges, built with me snowmen and ice sculptures, and watched with me cartoons by Walt Disney. Mariszka babysat me like a mummy, and Maria came to visit us rarely. In the eyes of my family, I was just an unsophisticated child, for they were so… Old and wise. What then to speak of parents who were over five hundred years old?