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"Check it out," Hand said, pointing a finger at the clientele and casting an infinity symbol over them. "You notice anything about the men here?"
"The sweaters."
"Yeah."
"Jesus."
Every man in the room, almost – there were about twenty men in this casino, most of them young, and twelve of them qualified – was wearing a cotton sweater over his shoulders, tied loosely at the collarbone. Twelve men, and the sweaters were each and all yellow or sky-blue, and always the tying was done with the utmost delicacy. You couldn't, apparently, actually tie the sweater. It had to be loosely arranged, in the center of the chest, like a fur stole. It was about 85 degrees.
It hit me, again, that we were here. I'd never been farther than Nevada – with Jack and his family, for fourth-grade spring break, by car. We drove twenty-two hours, each way, leaving about seven in between, spent atop of horses that wanted us dead or in chains. Hand had been to Toronto, which was closer, actually, to Milwaukee, but he didn't see it that way.
There were postcards near the door, not of the ocean but of the resorts on the ocean, and I bought one – the first postcard I'd ever even pretended to plan on sending. If I had someone to write to, a Clementine, I could document this, could shape it into some sense. If I wrote to the twins, even on this napkin here and with this ballpoint pen borrowed from the Senegalese bartender with the birthmark like an Ash Wednesday smudge, they would keep the letters and always know I thought of them -
Dear Mo, Dear Thor,
Senegal! Can you believe it? It is something here. Something like some other place. The people… there was this man… Then again, at this point I really don't know if we're seeing anything or missing everything… The air here, though, is different enough, so that's something
"That's good so far."
Hand was over my shoulder.
"You really captured it, Will. All those blank spaces, too -"
"Fuck you."
We stood outside in the cooling black night, and wondered if we could do anything extraordinary. If we could live up to our responsibility here: We had traveled 4,200 miles or whatever and thus were obligated to create something. We had to take the available materials and make something worthy.
"You call home yet?" I asked Hand.
"No. You?"
"Yeah."
"Mine won't care. You know them."
I did and I didn't. Hand's father was a tall man who bent over, had been bending to talk to his much-shorter wife for so long that his head seemed permanently tilted, chin in his sternum. With the face of a shovel and the eyes of a wolf, he worked for a law firm but I'm not sure he was a lawyer; he might have been a lawyer but somehow I suspect he was not; he was one of those distant small-eyed men about whom anything could have been possible – molestation, murder, tax evasion, bigamy. Hand's mom was a nurse who worked, for most of our growing up, at the hospital, though later just in one dying man's house, for two years – a grand marble-laden house that became more or less hers, with her own bedroom, her own parking space in the garage, everything.
Which was fine but also wrong, because then Hand had to be jealous of this new home and his mother's effortless way of seeming its matriarch. Hand had two older brothers, much older. I had seen them only a few times each, knew them more from their graduation pictures; for some reason they had graduated on the same day, even though one, I think Steve, the one who was almost crosseyed, was a year older than Eddie, who had Shawn Cassidy hair and eyes that didn't blink and had come up with Hand's nickname – first it was Hands, because as a toddler he'd catch any ball thrown to him – and was later shortened to Hand, to sound less like someone who would want time alone with your children.
We decided we'd head into town and find someone's home and walk into it with flowers. It was something we'd talked about doing in the last few years – I have no idea when the idea originated or why. We would knock, we imagined, or maybe come through a back door, the porch, and either way we would bring wine or flowers. It was our firm belief that we could walk into any office or home, anywhere in the world, with flowers, and be taken in. Shock would be softened by blind confusion then affectionate bewilderment, and soon we'd be family.
The road was busy with vacationers walking to Saly's main strip, about three blocks of restaurants, clubs and bars, and the occasional car weaving slowly around the potholes, looking for parking. We bought a small loud bouquet of daisies and violets and something local, red and wet like meat.
Two young girls, barefoot and without saddles, road by on horses the color of gravel. Hand made a gesture indicating he was going to run after them, jump onto a car and from there onto the back of one of the horses. I shook my head vigorously. He pouted.
From a right-leaning building with a second-story balcony, a cat spoke, and we stopped. There were two mailboxes by the doorway and we, with me holding the flowers, gripping too tightly, took it as a sign.
"This is it," I said. "We have to go up."
"And we ring the bell, or what?"
"What time is it?"
"Ten maybe," Hand said. "Is that too late?"
We decided to go up first and survey. The steps took our footsteps, knocks of knuckles against wood, and we were soon at the upper landing, between doors.
"Which one?" Hand asked.
One was ajar. "This one," I said.
With a handle in place of a knob, it looked like a door to another hallway, so we pushed through. But it wasn't a hallway. We were in an apartment. We gave each other looks of alarm. We were in someone's apartment already.
But neither of us made a move to leave.
We took off our shoes, and I set the flowers down atop them. We stepped into the home and closed the door behind us, so quiet it confused me. A large portrait of a man in uniform, a political portrait, hung over the doorway. A table, a di
The apartment was tight, tidy and empty of anything of objective value. The kitchen was just off the main room, a cramped nook with a blue tile counter. The kitchen gave way to another room, a kind of den, with a couch and a small, upright lawn chair on either side. There was a small mountain of stuffed animals in one corner – Yosemite Sam on top – and a neat row of four plastic soccer balls. A TV pulsed, but without sound.
There was no movement in the house, no noise, but I expected something at any second. A man in a robe with a shotgun. It would almost be a relief.
Hand was across the room already, looking for the bedrooms. There were two doors. He opened one, a closet. His head was then in the other, and quickly he jerked it back. He tiptoed back to me – I was hiding in the kitchen by now – and opened his mouth to speak. I made the angriest face I could, as quickly as I could, to thwart his attempt to talk. He stopped in time, making an elaborate gesture of surrender.
We stood for a few seconds, calming down, watching the TV across the kitchen table, in the next room. A desert scene, an ancient village in dry pink. Then a close up shot of a gaunt man. Then Ernest Borgnine in Roman soldier gear. Then the gaunt man again, someone's hands entering the frame – Borgnine's? – and placing onto the gaunt man's head a bird's nest sort of thing – Oh. Crown of thorns.