Air (or Have Not Have)

The house was chilly, the brazier burnt-out. Siao was out selling Info services.

'Good morning, ladies,' said Mae, pleased to see her friends.

'Good morning, Mae,' said Kwan, her hands steepled on the table. Su

Kwan asked, 'How long have you been out?'

'Oh. For two hours now.'

'When did you go to bed?' Kwan asked.

'Oh, I had a lot of mail. You see, we tell all customers to be patient with us, for we are snowbound and ca

Kwan held up yesterday's leaflet. 'Did you run out the weather reports, then, too?'

Mae was unwinding her scarf. 'Oh! No. I do that now, in the mornings before the Circle. I would offer you tea, but I have drunk all my winter stock.'

They didn't want tea. Mae sat down with them and began to wonder why they were there.

'Did you really tell Mrs Pin that you know there will be a Flood because you have been to the future?'

Kwan's face looked burnished like wood: hard.

'Not in those words. But yes.'

Kwan and Su

Mae found herself adopting a fortified position, feet braced on the earthen floor. 'When you have been in Air for a while, you will see it is true. Air is forever, in both directions. Forward and back.'

Kwan drew in a breath, and said, 'You are saying that you have actually been into the future and stood in the coming Flood here in Kizuldah.'

'I have been in my future life. I suddenly find myself in my future life. Sometimes it is in the Flood. There will be a flood and that is why I warn people.'

Kwan uncrumpled the leaflet in her hand and read it again. 'Mae. We want you to stop worrying people.'

Su

Kwan finished: 'It hurts progress, Mae.'

Su

No, no, no. These were her friends; this was a simple misunderstanding. Mae began to explain. The Flood. 1959. Temperature and snow. She stood up, got out her printouts, all elevation lines, and water flow. It was hard, practical stuff.

Kwan chuckled in exasperation. 'Honestly, Mae, if you do this one more time to me, I will scream! I have heard what you have to say about the Flood. Can I tell you what it sounds like, Mae? That you are afraid – not of the Flood, but of the future. All this talk of wiping everything away. That is what Air will do, not the Flood. Everyone sees you as a woman who is scared but ca

'And is driving herself and everyone else crazy,' added Su

Kwan sighed. 'It reminds everyone that you have Mrs Tung inside you. It reminds them of the first disaster, that Test. It just makes them think all progress is madness.'

And I am the crazy adulteress woman and I am an embarrassment to you. I didn't think I was, but I am.

The two women looked at each other. Something was clinched.

'Mae,' said Kwan. 'We want you to stop working.'

'Take time out to sleep, eat, relax.'

'Leave the Circle to us, leave the new screens for the site to someone else.'

'Stop going out all over the hills pretending to be a weatherman.'

'Also,' said Kwan, 'there is a lady from Yeshiboz Sistemlar, called Fatimah, who has told us about the pregnancy…'

Su

'Fatimah says it will kill you!'

The whole room started to buzz. It was as if the walls were full of hornets. Mae felt herself go dim and old, and she was frightened and alone.

Left upstairs all day, too weak to walk far, wanting to talk, wanting to be heard, always told you are too old, Gran, don't tax yourself. Stay still, stay quiet. You will be dead soon, and even quieter.

'Don't do this,' said Mae, in a very quiet, distracted voice, half hers, half Mrs Tung's. 'Don't leave me alone.'

Kwan leaned forward and took her hand. 'That's exactly what we will not do, Mae. We are your friends, and we will always stand by you.'

Su

Kwan's eyes were firm. 'We think it is best if you just leave the TV alone.'

'For a while,' said Su

'Mae! You should see yourself! You look like a ghost. Your face is thin, your eyes stare, your hair is like a witch's.'

'You – who were the most elegant woman in the village,' said Su

'You need help,' said Kwan, with finality.

'And,' chuckled Su

'You need a rest from the TV,' said Kwan again, determined.

'Don't do this to me,' Mae repeated.

Her friends – her friends who had stood by her, who had not deserted her – why were they doing this now?

'Let Siao do the screens for Mr Pin and the others.'

'Maybe you could go to Balshang, stay with your son. Have tea with your new friend, Miss Soo. Have you ever seen the capital?'

'No,' said Mae, arms folded.

'There you go!' Su

'My work is here,' said Mae. 'The road is closed. What business is any of this of yours?'

'Come and live with me again for a while, Mae. Please!' said Kwan.

'No,' said Mae. 'I am happy living here with my family.'

Kwan leaned forward, her voice flat. 'Mae,' she demanded. 'Come with us.'

'I am happy as I am,' said Mae.

They tried for a further fifteen minutes, cajoling, tugging on her arm, offering her tea, saying she had worked harder than anyone and that she had won, she had succeeded, all the village was learning. Was the village not a Centre of Progress? Everyone knew that it was because of her.

'But even strong branches break when the load is too great,' said Su

Everything they said availed nothing. They had stopped talking about making her stop work or taking away her baby, but that was what they intended.

Finally, sour, made angry and defeated, Kwan and Su

Mae sat still until she was sure they were gone.

Then she locked and barred her door. She thought about what Kwan might do next if she were determined enough.

Mae conferenced Mr Oz. 'Yes, yes, hello, it's always a pleasure. Look, I need a wireless account of my own for my TV.'