Air (or Have Not Have)

Mae saw her mother's plump face close up like a purse as she approached. Old Mrs Wang retreated from Mae behind Ju-mei's Russian back. His face looked like polished soapstone. Siao spoke first. 'Mae, how are things with you?'

'I am happy to say the business goes well.'

'And happy to see Lung,' said Siao.

'Indeed!' chuckled Mae.

Old Mr Chung blinked like an ancient tortoise, and bowed sweetly to Mae, out of respect or mere good form.

'We are all happy to see you, Lung.' Ju-mei gri

None of them were comfortable. Mae glanced up and saw a tight little knot of Alis and Dohs, peering at them over their shoulders. They were a spectacle: the family of the deserted husband in company with the adulterous wife and her brother.

'People are staring,' said Mae's mother miserably.

Mae felt sorry for her, so small and worried. 'Pay them no mind, Mama.'

'It is easy for you to say, you are a woman who has no face left to lose,' said her mother. 'You do not even come to call on us.'

So which is it Mama, are you ashamed of me or mad because I do not call, or are you just looking for another reason to be miserable?

Siao intervened. 'Perhaps it is because Mae is embarrassed that her husband's family are staying there with you, Mrs Wang-ma'am.'

'You credit her with delicacy,' said Mae's mother. 'Ju-mei, I ca

'You stay here, Mama,' said Mae. 'I was just going back into the kitchen.'

Lung looked dismayed. 'I'll be down in a while, Mama,' he said.

Mae smiled with gratitude at Lung and said goodbye to them all in turn. Standing as straight as she could, Mae turned sideways to slip through the crowd and down the stairs to Kwan's kitchen.

Kwan was at work, wearing her best dress. The tables were already full of food. 'It's a good thing I guessed the party would be here,' Kwan said. Whenever there was a power failure, there would be a party in someone's courtyard.

Mae's stomach suddenly felt heavy and she had to sit down. They were alone so Mae said quickly, 'I don't know what else these soldiers know, so it will be good to stay cautious.' In the half-darkness, the two women looked at each other. It was plain where Mae's loyalties lay. From outside there came a swelling of laughter. Lung had finished a story.

'Can I help?' asked Su

Without missing a beat, Kwan smiled. 'Su

So there they were, the three of them, in Kwan's kitchen, with the ropes of garlic around the wall and the pile of round village bread.

'Shall I restore the bread for you?' Su

Mae offered, 'I could string the beans.'

'Oh, it will be fun with just us three,' said Kwan, kneeling. She hoisted out a bucket of water and a tray for soaking bread.

'Yes, it will be good to sit and be convivial,' said Su

Mae strung and snapped the beans. Su

'We are, nearly,' said Mae.

'Oh! You talk!' said Su

'Lung is to be married soon,' said Mae, not quite telling the truth. How could she admit that she had not been asked to the wedding?

'You bet,' said Su

'She is a Western girl,' said Mae. 'She is very pretty, educated, and says she likes me. This is because of my screens. How can you like someone for their screens?'

'Oh,' said Su

Mae let this sink in. 'Yes,' she said. 'I am sure he will stay in Bal-shang at least. And who knows, he may even go back to Canada with his wife.'

'Has he talked about what has happened?' Kwan asked. She meant the end of Mae's marriage.

'Yes.' Mae played with the beans and with the truth of the situation. 'Mostly he tells me he forgives me for what has happened. But I don't think he really has.'

'Ah,' said Su

'I don't think he really understands it,' said Mae.

'I don't think I do,' said Su

Kwan said nothing. Her back as she worked listened and was tense.

'It was love,' murmured Mae.

'Oh I understand that. I understand why you married Joe and I understand why you would tire of him. Speaking frankly.'

'Indeed,' said Kwan, for Su

'There is no other way to talk about these things. What I don't understand, now that Joe has gone off with the Pincushion, is why you are not with Mr Ken.'

'Ah,' said Mae. She had no immediate answer.

Su

'I'm not scared of the village,' said Mae. 'But I do sometimes wonder if I love Mr Ken because his grandmother does.'

'Ah,' said Su

'I think I see him sometimes through Old Mrs Tung's eyes.'

The room seemed to hold its breath with the cold.

Lung strode in, booming, 'And what good things are you ladies cooking?'

Back to work.

The ladies carried out vats of quick-fried beans, swollen wet bread, and pots of rice with tiny chillies burning within it. The army truck played Lectro on its Balshang radio. Its vast army ante

The villagers hated the music. A cable was strung from the army van's battery to a cassette player, and more traditional music was played for the adults.

All four hundred people were crowded into the courtyard and barn despite the snow that was still falling, as if the stars had given up clinging to heaven.

They chuckled and sipped tea from mugs. The mugs were then filled with rice and beans. Kwan, Su

The men had to take beans from Mae. The situation allowed no other response. They looked at her, said nothing, were grumpy out of loyalty to Joe. But Joe was not here. And Joe had gone off with Mr Muhammed's wife.

They took the winter food in silence and Mae's presence was made more normal if unwelcome.

Some of the younger men, overcome by the cold, by energy, by the end of the year's work, began to dance. The girls squealed arid pretended to be overcome with embarrassment, hiding their cheeks, turning their backs. And turning again to look.

The married women smiled ruefully and shook their heads. The older men held their hands over their ears as if hating the music and wavered and wobbled in secret rivalry.

'I always knew men were more interested in each other,' said Mrs Mack. Mrs Mack? Mae laughed and touched her arm. Mrs Mack, less aloof towards Mae than others, responded with a chuckle at herself. 'Did I say that?'

'I am afraid so. You are wild Western woman,' joked Mae.

'Oh!' said Mrs Mack, not so pleased with the stale view of her Christianity. 'Yes. I look like the motorcycle girl.'

'I'm sorry. I am the village fallen woman, remember?'

'Tuh. These villagers,' said Mrs Mack. 'They forgive murder faster.'

Mrs Pin said, 'Pay no attention to them, Mae.'

Mrs Mack leaned forward. 'I understand that you are shorthanded in the Circle. I sew well…'