Binding 13

24

I'm taking you home

Sha

I always knew when there was a storm brewing at home.

I could always sense it.

It was like a sixth sense of some kind, warning me and alerting my body to danger and pain.

All day during school on Friday, I had the most gut-wrenching feeling of dread lodged in the pit of my stomach.

That sensation of dread followed me all day long, and no amount of deep breathing or calming exercises could shift it from my heart.

It was so severe, so potent and transparent, that I was actually afraid to go home.

Wednesday night's antics hadn't helped matters.

It was a night that consisted of my parents screaming at each other so loudly that the Gardaí came to the door, having received an anonymous call about a disturbance of the peace.

My peace.

Because I made the call.

Because I was afraid he would hurt her.

Furious with my mother or not, I couldn’t bear the thought of him knocking her around downstairs while I hid in my bedroom like the coward I was.

Joey was once again staying with Aoife, and I wasn’t nearly big enough or brave enough to save her myself.

Thankfully, my father hadn't laid a finger on Mam, and once he had convinced the Gards that his wife was having a pregnancy related tantrum, he left for the night.

Of course, he returned yesterday morning with a bunch of flowers and a promise to never do whatever the hell he had done this time again.

It worked.

She hugged him and kissed him, and I was fairly sure that if she wasn’t already pregnant, she would have been after spending the morning locked in their bedroom with him.

I hated her.

Sometimes more than I hated him.

Yesterday was one of those times.

When I returned to school Friday morning, it was with a sore neck and a serious lack of hope.

Oh yeah, because even though Dad and Mam were all loved up again, I was still his favorite target.

Apparently, he still wasn’t over that picture of me with Joh

Something I was reminded of late last night when I foolishly made a food run to the kitchen and got tangled up in his whiskey tantrum.

He added fresh bruises to old bruises and I had spent a good portion of the night contemplating the worst possible thoughts.

By the time last class of the day finished, my body was so tightly coiled with tension that I could hardly make my feet walk a straight line from the science building to the main building where I needed to get to.

I knew I had to go back there and the thought was crippling me.

I didn’t want the weekend to come and now it was here, staring me in the face.

It was a terrifying prospect.

I had a horrible, niggling pain in my stomach all day that was bordering on unbearable.

My mind was in such overload, ru

I wasn’t paying attention to anything.

Because I knew.

I just knew deep down in my heart and soul that danger was coming.

I didn’t know where, or when, or how it might unfold.

But I knew it was coming.

However, the danger I was predicting arrived prematurely when I rounded the corner of the main building and collided with a solid male chest.

I was so unprepared for the contact, so deeply caught up in my own thoughts, that I didn’t have time to steady myself or break my fall.

I folded like a deck of cards, no match for the person I had smashed into, and collapsed on my arse on the cold, wet ground.

"Oh, shit – I'm so sorry," a deep, familiar voice said from above me.

I didn’t need to look up to know who I had bumped into, though.

I would recognize his voice anywhere.

"Sha

"I'm okay," I mumbled, batting his hand away.

I didn’t need him touching me.

I was already too affected by him.

Keeping my eyes trained on the concrete, I twisted onto my hands and knees and pulled myself up.

"I’m so sorry," he continued to say.

"It's okay," I whispered, brushing my skirt down. "I'm okay."

"Are you?"

I nodded but kept my gaze down.

I couldn’t look at him.

I didn’t want him to see me.

Not like this.

"Sha

"I need to go," I croaked out, and then stepped around him, moving for the main building.

With my head down, I hurried into the main building and straight to the third-year locker area.

Breathe.

Stop panicking.

Just breathe.

When I reached the third-year locker area, which was thankfully empty, I let my schoolbag fall from my shoulders and pressed my forehead against the cool, hard metal, inhaling sharp, audible breaths.

Trembling, I leaned my forearms against the locker and just held my head, desperately trying to get a handle on this ridiculous terror threatening to possess me and stop my body from going into vomit mode.

My legs were shaking so bad I knew I wouldn’t make it to the bathroom in time, so my only hope was to calm myself down before I threw up.

Too late, I thought to myself just as my legs buckled beneath me.

I dropped to the floor on my hands and knees, as my stomach emptied itself right there in the middle of school.

I didn’t have much in my stomach to begin with, I never usually had, but the water and half bar of chocolate I had at lunch made a reappearance in glorious fashion.

The sound of footsteps pounding down the corridor filled my ears and I groaned to myself, knowing that I would never in a million years live this one down.

Moments later, I felt a hand on my back as someone knelt down beside me and pulled my hair back from my face.

"It's okay," Joh

Oh god, no.

Why did he do that?

Why did he follow me?

He wasn’t supposed to talk to me.

That was the plan.

I dry heaved for a solid two minutes longer before my stomach finally settled, and all the while he knelt beside me, holding my hair out of my vomit, and rubbing my back.

"Are you okay?" Joh

I nodded weakly, and then felt his hand still on my back.

I coiled tight on instinct.

"What's this?" I heard him ask moments before his fingertips grazed my neck, right above the collar of my school shirt. "Your neck is bruised."

Panic seized my heart as I felt him shift more of my hair aside and touch my neck again.

"Sha

"It's old," I croaked out, still gasping for air.

"Doesn’t look old," he replied, touching my neck.

"Well, it is," I strangled out, shaking off his touch.

Thankfully, he complied and shifted away from me.

Weak and mortified, I remained exactly where I was on my hands and knees, just staring at the floor as a wave of utter humiliation washed through me.

"Sha

Nodding weakly, I pulled back to a kneeling position, hands on my lap, gaze cast downwards.