Binding 13

21

Closure

Sha

When I arrived at school, the anger hadn't dissipated one inch.

I was so furious I could practically taste it, and in a messed-up way, I welcomed the emotion.

It was better than the usual desperation and fear that rattled through me.

The anger made me brave and it gave me the Dutch courage I needed to do what had to be done.

Regardless of how much my brain told me this was a bad idea, I knew I had to do it.

I would straighten a few things up with Joh

Fueled by the adrenalin still coursing through my veins from my earlier argument with my mother and the disaster that was last night, I inhaled a steadying breath and marched down the corridor towards the fifth-year locker area.

When I spotted Joh

Invisibility was both a beautiful thing and a necessary survival tool sought out by people such as myself.

Associating with a future Irish rugby star was like throwing a six-feet, three-inch spa

Calling on every ounce of bravery inside of my body, I walked right up to him, relying on the adrenalin pumping through my veins to push my feet towards him.

His head snapped up as I approached, his sharp gaze honing in on me, blue eyes heated and wary, but I didn’t stop.

I couldn't.

"I need to talk to you," I a

I expected two things to happen in this moment: either Joh

When Joh

My adrenalin and bravery abandoned me in a rush and my shoulders sagged.

Nodding, I turned to leave, feeling thoroughly deflated, only to have a warm hand wrap around my wrist and pull me back to his side.

"Not you," Joh

I watched in a sort of semi-awed amazement as the two lads he'd been talking to, along with the seven or so students loitering in the corridor, simply turned around and left.

"Whoa," I breathed when we were alone in the hallway. "You really do have some serious pull at school." I turned around to face him, and had to, once again, crane my head back to see his face. "That was kind of epic."

Joh

"What happened?" he demanded, glaring down at me. "Who the fuck made you cry?"

"What?" I breathed, shaking my head. "I'm not crying."

"Your eyes are red and swollen," he deadpa

"What?"

"Your face," he bit out. "Your cheek is red."

"I'm fine," I choked out, taking a safe step back from his overly observant eyes.

It was only then that I noticed he was still holding my wrist.

Joh

My father beat me with a newspaper…

"Uh, don’t worry about that," I muttered, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand to erase any residual evidence of tears.

"Give me a name," Joh

"What– no! I'm grand," I quickly replied. "I have allergies."

"Me, too. To assholes and bullshit," Joh

For a split second, I debated naming my father just to see if Joh

He looked like he could.

He was certainly big enough.

Shaking my head to clear my ridiculous thoughts, I looked up at him and said, "I need to tell you something."

"Yeah, you do," he shot back. "A name."

"What? No, just stop for a sec." Shaking my head, I held a hand up. "I have something important to say and you're distracting me."

Joh

With a vein ticking in his neck, he nodded stiffly and said, "I'm listening."

Here we go…

"Apparently you're not supposed to talk to me," I started off by saying, keeping my tone low and hushed. "At least that's what my mother says – that you were warned to stay away from me? Anyway, I'm sorry about that," I hurried to say. "My mother? You being treated like that? I had no idea about any of it."

"I think the words 'steer clear' were your mother's choice of words," Joh

"But you did anyway?" I questioned, stu

He nodded slowly, eyes wary and uncertain.

I blew out a breath. "Well, I wanted to let you know that she won't be causing any trouble for you. I've set her straight about you."

"That's what you wanted to talk about?" Joh

I nodded. "That and I'll be making it clear to Mr. Twomey that there is no issue between us." I exhaled a heavy breath and forced out the words, "I also wanted to apologize for the way I left things last night."

Joh

"You were right," he finally replied. "I overreacted and handled it badly."

"Maybe so," I offered, my voice little more than a whisper. "But I didn’t know what playing rugby meant to you then."

"And now you do?" he asked, voice low, tone gruff. "Now you think you get it?"

"No, not really." I chewed on my lip before adding, "But I understand fear, which makes it easier for me to understand why you would feel the need to play through the pain."

The stiffness in his shoulders returned and he was quiet for so long that I gave up on waiting for a response.

"Well, that's all I needed to say," I whispered. "Bye, Joh

And then I turned around and walked away.

Like I promised myself, I didn’t seek Joh

I cleared the air and I walked away.

All day, I steered clear of the hallways I knew he traveled through between classes – the one's I'd mapped out in the previous weeks – and I avoided the lunch hall at big break.

He sat with a huge crowd of rugby players right by the entrance so it wasn’t a matter of being able to ignore him in there.

It was an u