Binding 13

"Thank you," I replied, appreciating her attempt to console me. It wasn’t true, of course, but her words did help. "But you're not allowed to hate him because of this."

"Really?" she whined. "Really?"

"He didn’t do anything wrong, Claire," I pushed. "Seriously. He couldn’t have been nicer to me."

"Then why didn’t he kiss you back?" she demanded.

"Because he doesn’t want me," I bit out. "Obviously."

"Then he's insane," she grumbled. "If I had a penis or liked girls, I would want you."

"Thanks," I half sobbed/half laughed. "If I had a penis or liked girls, I'd want you, too."

"So, we're really not going to hate him?"

"No," I replied. "We're really not."

"Ugh," Claire groaned. "Fine."

"You're a great friend, Claire," I told her. "I don’t know what I'd do without you."

"Am I a great enough friend that I get the details?"

"What kind of details?" I asked nervously. "What do you want to know?"

"All the details," she replied.

Ugh.

"It's so embarrassing," I whispered. "Humiliating, actually."

"Okay, I'm sorry," she quickly replied. "You don’t have to talk about it."

"He's beautiful," I whispered after a pause.

"Yeah, yeah," she grumbled. "Everybody already knows that."

"No, Claire," I urged. "I mean he's really beautiful." Closing my eyes, I whispered, "Under the clothes."

"Oh my god!" she screamed in my ear. "How do you know what's under his clothes?"

"Because he took a shower and he was only half dressed when I came out –"

"Came out of where?"

"His shower."

"Hold up!" Claire squeaked, "Did you take a shower with Joh

"What – no!" I shook my head. "I took a shower in his shower."

"Okay, you need to take this back to the begi

"We were both soaked from the rain," I explained with a weary sigh. "His Mam took my clothes down to dry them. I used the shower in his ensuite. He took a separate shower. And then we both just sort of ended up in his room."

"With no clothes on?"

"He had jocks on," I replied, resisting the urge to tell her about what I saw before he had his jocks on. "That's it."

"And you?" she pressed.

"Just a towel." I bit down on my lip, feeling my face flame with heat. "I think I flashed him my, uh, you know…. and I don’t really know how it happened, but we both ended up on his bed," I hurried to say, keeping my voice low. "And then he was right there, like his face was so close to mine…" Exhaling a ragged breath, I added, "And I just lost my mind and kissed him."

"God," Claire gasped. "It's like a watching a train wreck, except instead of watching it, I'm listening to it."

"I know," I groaned. "And then I panicked and locked myself in his bathroom." I cringed at the memory. "And he was so kind to me, Claire. I mean, he could have flipped out and thrown me out, but he just kept talking to me from the other side of the door, trying to coax me out –"

"Ugh, I can't," she moaned. "It hurts my heart too much."

"He promised he wouldn’t talk about it if I came out," I continued to talk despite her protests, needing to get this off my chest. "Of course, he lied. When were back in his car, he gave me the talk –"

"Not the talk," she breathed. "Please tell me he didn’t give you the talk."

"He did," I strangled out. "And then he kept telling me that I didn’t need to be sorry and I think he meant it, but I'm just so embarrassed by it all. I swear, I will never put myself out there like that for anyone ever again."

"Damn," Claire sighed. "I wish I didn’t have that stupid blitz tomorrow. I don’t want you being alone at school while you're feeling like this."

"Me too," I agreed glumly. "At least Lizzie will be there."

"Maybe don’t mention this to Liz," Claire interjected. "She'll cut his dick right off."

"No one can know about this, Claire," I whispered. "No one."

"Agreed."

I clutched my stomach when another stabbing pain ricocheted through me, causing me to grunt once more in pain.

"Hey – maybe you should take tomorrow off," she offered, sounding concerned. "You don’t sound too good."

"I'll be okay," I whispered.

And I would be.

I hoped.