Binding 13

48

You're okay

Sha

There were no words to explain the turbulence of emotions whishing through my body.

Striving for control, I concentrated on breathing in slow, deep patterns.

I didn’t know what to do.

Apologizing didn’t seem to cut it.

Besides, I'd already done that.

I contemplated telling him that I had temporarily lost control of my senses back there, but I thought he might already know that.

Thoroughly mortified by my actions, I stared out the windscreen into the darkening sky and ignored the boy sitting in the driver's seat beside me.

"Are we going to talk about it?" Joh

I shook my head, cheeks flaming with shame, and continued to stare out the window at nothing.

"Are you going to talk to me?" he asked then, voice low and gruff.

Again, I shook my head, too embarrassed to look at him.

"So, what?" he demanded. "You're just going to ignore me altogether?"

I shrugged helplessly.

I knew what was coming if we spoke.

He was going to give me the talk.

And right now, with my emotions frayed and my stomach churning from anxiety, I honestly didn’t think I could hear that talk.

I couldn’t take his rejection.

"Sha

Flicking on the indicator, he pulled onto the side of the road and killed the engine.

Oh no.

Oh please god, no.

"Sha

"I'm sorry," I got there first and said. With my heart hammering in my chest, I turned in my seat and faced him. "I am so sorry."

"I don’t want you to be sorry," he replied, blue eyes burning into mine. "What happened in my room?" Shaking his head, he released a pained growl. "I didn’t expect it – I didn’t expect you." His breath fa

"But?" I filled in, keeping my eyes trained on my hands folded on my lap, knowing full well there was a but coming.

"But I'm leaving in a couple of months, Sha

"I know," I whispered, clasping my hands tightly together.

Joey told me all about it.

He was leaving to be a big star.

"That's the way it is for me," Joh

"I know," I whispered, feeling the burning ache in my chest. "And I know I shouldn’t have kissed you," I choked out, voice torn. "Okay? I know that. It was wrong. I understand. I just…I just…"

"You just what, Sha

"I thought you liked me," I strangled out.

"Jesus Christ," Joh

"I'm sixteen," I whispered.

"I know, Sha

My heart fluttered uncertainly.

I didn’t know what to think or how to feel.

He was rejecting me and telling me he liked me all in one breath and it was too much for my heart to take.

"For who?" I croaked out.

"For the both of us," Joh

There it was.

The rejection I'd been waiting for.

"I didn’t ask you for a relationship, Joh

Joh

"Listen, Joh

"Come on, Sha

I had every intention of avoiding him for the rest of my life.

I pla

"Sha

I remained silent.

"Sha

I didn’t think there was any other way I could be given the circumstances.

I kissed him.

He rejected me.

I put myself out there for him.

He turned me down.

It was my fault.

One hundred percent.

I accepted responsibility for my recklessness.

But that didn’t mean I was strong enough to listen to the painful verbal repercussions of my actions.

"Just fucking talk to me," Joh

"What's to say?" I croaked out, turning back to look at him, giving in to his relentless probing. "You don’t want me. I heard you. I got the message."

"You clearly didn’t if that's what you took from it," he shot back, looking furious.

When I didn’t respond, Joh

"Fine, if you don’t want to hash this out, then I won't say another word," he a

"That's what I want, Joh

"Suit yourself," he bit out, starting the engine again. "I give up."

With his words of rejection belting in my ears, and my emotions in turmoil, I clenched my eyes shut, and prayed for time to speed up.

I had the worst pain in my stomach to match the throbbing ache in my chest that seemed to blossom and burn with every mile he knocked up on the clock.

When Joh

However, I did not anticipate that he might turn off the engine again, which is exactly what he did.

"Are you okay?" he asked, turning in his seat to face me.

"Yeah," I croaked out.

He nodded slowly. "Sha

"You don’t have to say anything else," I quickly stopped him by saying. "It won't happen again."

He frowned. "No, that's not what I was –"

"I'm sorry," I blurted out and then grabbed the handle and pushed the door open. "I really am very sorry." Unbuckling my belt, I slipped out of the jeep and slammed the door closed before he could say another word.