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"I'm so fucking proud of you, Shan," Joey said in a voice that was thick with emotion. "You don’t even realize how brave you are." Clearing his throat a couple of times, he added, "Hang on – I've got something for you." With that, he padded across the narrow landing and into his bedroom, returning less than a minute later. "Here," he muttered, fisting a couple of €5 notes into my hand.
"Joey, no!" I immediately rebuffed the notion of taking his hard-earned money. He didn’t make much at the petrol station to begin with, and money was hard to come by in our family, so taking ten euro from my brother was unimaginable. "I can't–"
"Take the money, Sha
I swallowed the lump of emotion fighting its way up my throat and squeezed out, "Are you sure?"
Joey nodded, then pulled me in for a hug. "You are going to be grand," he whispered in my ear, hugging me so tight I wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince or console. "If someone gives you even the hint of shit, then you text me and I will come over there and burn that fucking school to the ground and every posh, little rugbyhead fucker in it."
That was a sobering thought.
"It's going to be fine," I said, this time putting some force into my voice, needing to believe the words. "But I'll be late if I don’t get going and that's so not what I need on my first day."
Giving my brother one last hug, I shrugged on my coat and grabbed my school bag, shouldering it onto my back, before heading for the staircase.
"You text me," Joey called out when I was halfway down the steps. "I’m serious, one sniff of crap from anyone and I'll come sort it out for you."
"I can do this, Joey," I whispered, casting a quick glance to where he was leaning against the ba
"I know you can." His voice was low and pained. "I just…I'm here for you, okay?" he finished with a heavy exhale. "Always here for you."
This was hard for my brother, I realized, as I watched him wave me off to school like an anxious parent would their firstborn. He was always fighting my battles, always jumping in to defend me and pull me to safety.
I wanted him to be proud of me, to see me as more than a little girl that needed his constant protection.
I needed that for myself.
With renewed determination, I gave him a bright smile and then hurried out of the house to catch my bus.