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Because it wasn’t.
It was an intentional attack and it stung.
Mostly because Cormac was going along with it.
"Yeah, but rubbing it in your face like this is disgusting," Katie replied, frowning at the pair. "If the shoe was on the other foot, and you did that with one of Bella's friends right in front of her, she would lose it."
"True," both Gibs and Hughie agreed in unison.
For the next couple of hours, I ignored Bella and Cormac, focusing my attention on my friends and the live band playing in the corner of the bar.
I tried to relax and let loose by joining in on the conversation, while necking back drink after drink, but it wasn’t coming easy to me.
I was too stressed.
When I wasn’t actively trying to avoid Bella and Cormac, my mind wandered back to the niggling concern that I tried so hard not to dwell on.
My health.
Problem was, the alcohol flushing through my veins was making it impossible for me to block out my fears.
What if I couldn’t get my shit together?
What if my body didn’t heal?
What the fuck was I supposed to do with my life?
Every theoretical egg I had ever possessed was firmly nestled in the basket labelled 'career in rugby'.
Right now, that basket was toppling and I was powerless to stop it.
In other words, I was completely helpless and utterly screwed.
"Okay, folks, this next song is from Reckless Kelly," the lead singer a
Leaning forward, I placed my elbows on the table and strained to hear the lyrics over the noise of the crowd.
One verse in and I was hooked.
Drunk as I was, I knew I needed to remember it.
I needed to hear it again.
The words were shooting straight through me.
I felt them hard and deep, relating something fierce to every line of every verse.
Unsurprising – but still completely messed up – it was Sha
Sha A lifetime of striving to be the best. The fear of not being good enough. And the constant, sinking feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. Dragging my phone out of my jeans pocket, I tapped out a quick text, hoping I was typing the name of the song properly before exiting my messages, leaving the text in my drafts. With my phone in my hands, I pondered about what I would do if I had Sha It was good that I didn’t have it. Never in my life had I been partial to drunk dialing, but right now I had a burning urge to dial her absent number. Would she pick up the phone? If she did, what would I say? Would she talk to me? Fuck, I wanted to hear her voice on the other side of that line. This girl is different, my stupid fucking brain chanted. This one is for keeps. I wanted to be back in my room, with my phone pressed to my ear, listening to her stumble over her words as she told me every one of her thoughts. I wanted to be back here with her, watching her blush and smile and peek up at me through those long, thick lashes. I wanted to be sitting in that dark cinema with her, not paying an ounce of attention to the film showing, while I stole secret glances at her and burned in heat when I found her eyes on me. I just wanted her. You could love this girl your whole life, the crazy thought persisted inside my brain over and over, if you just let yourself. A sharp elbow to my ribs had my head snapping up. "The fuck?" I turned my glare on Hughie, a "We have company," he muttered, inclining his head. "Oh god, here we go," Katie mumbled under her breath. Bleary eyed, I followed his move, my gaze landing on Cormac Ryan just as he rounded our table, face flushed and lipstick smeared across his mouth. Hot on his heels was a smug looking Bella. "Alright, lads?" Cormac acknowledged, shoving his hands into his pockets. "How's it going?" Leaning back in my seat, I gave them both an impassive look. Hughie gave Cormac a stiff nod but made no move to enter into small talk with him. Katie didn’t even look at him. Gibsie was looking at him; a murderous expression replacing his usual lopsided grin. "Joh I took my time looking him up and down before settling on, "If that's what you want to talk to me about –" I gestured to Bella who was standing behind him with a smirk on her face, "Then there's no need. Your actions spoke clearly for you tonight." "Listen, Joh "The window of time to talk to me about this was months ago," I replied in a flat tone. "And considering we were playing together when you decided to fuck me over, I find that hard to believe." "It wasn’t like that, lad," Cormac countered, flustered. "I thought you two were off at the time." "I honestly don’t care," I told him. "As far as I'm concerned, she's your problem now." "Joh "Now off you go," I interrupted, waving him off. "And good luck with that –" I shot Bella a scathing look. "Because you're going to need it." "That?" Bella spat. "Who the hell do you think you're talking about, Joh "I'm talking about you," I shot back with a sneer. "And I'm wondering what the hell possessed me to ever put my dick inside something so fucking poisonous." A chorus of snickering erupted around the table next to us. Gibsie laughed loudly. So did Hughie and Katie. I would have felt bad for the comment, but the alcohol flushing through my veins was like truth potion. "Yeah, well, you were total shit," Bella screamed at me. "And I will never touch you again." "Praise fucking Jesus," I shot back sarcastically. "That's the best news I've heard all year." "Hey – don’t be like that!" Cormac warned, taking a protective stance in front of her. "Bella's my girlfriend now, and I won't have you talking to her like that." I arched a brow. "Your girlfriend?" "That's right," Bella hissed, smirking. "I'm his girlfriend." "Ah, Christ." I rubbed a hand over my face and groaned. "I almost feel sorry for you, Ryan, because you clearly have no idea of who you're dealing with." "I know exactly who you are, Kavanagh," he snarled. "I know all about you." "Not me, asshole," I growled. "Her!" Cormac glared at me, face turning bright red. "What's that supposed to mean?" "It means keep an eye on your teammates, lad," I shot back. "Because that one's not girlfriend material." His eyes narrowed. "Come outside and say that to my face." "I'm saying it right here," I deadpa "With a table in front of you, and your friends at your side," he taunted. "Big man you are. Come outside and talk shit about her to my face."