Annihilation

Feliane and Uluyara reacted to her reply with puzzled expressions, and Halisstra realized they couldn't hear Seyll.

I know, the dead priestess replied. Believe me, I know what it's like to experience these emotions all at once and for the first time. Your mind has been trained not to recognize them, but they've been there all along, waiting for you to find them and set them free. Freedom isn't always easy. You've gone on a long journey within yourself to a place where the emotional consequences may be more painful, but the rewards will be greater than you've ever imagined.

I don't care, Halisstra thought back. I don't want it. Right now, I'd go back to the Underdark if I could.

Would you?

In a second, Halisstra vowed. There when I was being manipulated I knew it and knew the ends to which I was being pushed. There I was a priestess and a noblewoman.

And here? Seyll asked. What are you now?

An assassin, Halisstra answered. I'm an assassin in the service of Eilistraee.

What do you suppose is the difference between an assassin and a liberator?

A liberator? Halisstra asked.

When you kill Lolth, Seyll said, and you will kill her, you will set thousands free. . millions.

Dooming them to a life of despair and remorse?

And love, contentment, trust, and happiness, Seyll replied.

Halisstra paused to think about that, but her mind was blank. Her eyes burned, her jaw ached, and she felt heavy—so heavy she actually began to sink in the weightless aether of the Astral Plane.

Feliane and Uluyara appeared on either side of her, holding her gently by the arms. Halisstra didn't look at them or at the ghost of Seyll. Instead, she let her eyes wander up and down the long column of silent souls. The dead were returning to Lolth. Everything she had feared had not come to pass.

"I could go back to her," Halisstra said.

She could feel both Feliane and Uluyara stiffen. From Seyll she felt a wave of disappointment mixed with fear.

"If she would have you," Feliane whispered.

That stopped Halisstra. Had she passed a point of no return, one where Lolth would reject her or worse, punish her for the heresies she'd already committed? Would Eilistraee abandon her for even considering a return to the Spider Queen? Would she manage to work herself into a godless afterlife by her own indecision?

No,Seyll whispered into her mind, obviously having sensed her thoughts. Eilistraee understands doubt and weakness and forgives both.

"Do you understand, Halisstra," Feliane said, "what Seyll has given up by coming here?"

Halisstra shook her head in an effort to gently shake off the elf's words.

"She has abandoned Arvandor to come here," Feliane continued. "Seyll has doomed herself to an eternity in the wild Astral, and she's done it for you."

"Has she?" Halisstra asked, eyeing the ghost of Seyll, who floated there staring at her. "Or has she done that for Eilistraee? Did she come here on her own, or was she sent by a goddess who fears the loss of her assassin?"

Yes,Seyll said. Yes to all those questions. I have come here on my own, for Eilistraee, to protect you from Lolth, to protect you from yourself, and to assure that you will do what you must do.

"Why?" Halisstra asked. "Why now?"

Because something is going to happen, Seyll replied.

"Something is going to happen," Uluyara repeated.

Right now, Seyll asked, this very moment, do you want to go back to Lolth? If she poured her «grace» over you right now, would you accept it, accept her, and turn your back on Eilistraee?

"I don't know," Halisstra answered.

You must decide, said Seyll, and you must decide now.

The apparition gestured behind her at the long row of disembodied souls. Something was different, and it took Halisstra a few seconds to realize what was happening. The line of souls disappeared into the gray distance, what might have been miles away. The colorless ghosts were changing, one after another as if a wave was passing through them. Color and life, even substance returned to each soul in turn, but only for a brief moment, then the effect passed to the next dead drow in line. As the color passed in and out of them they convulsed, twisting in the air more from pleasure than from pain. The wave drew closer and closer, scattering the line of drow in its wake.

"She's back," Halisstra whispered.

Seyll came closer to her, wrapping her ghostly body around Halisstra, who stiffened but didn't push the apparition away.

She is back, Seyll whispered into her mind. Soon her power will course though you. I can protect you, but you have to want me to. You have to want Eilistraee, not her. Not that demon. Please.

"Please," Uluyara whispered.

Halisstra closed her eyes and tried to return Seyll's ghostly embrace, but her arms closed over nothing.

"Eilistraee," Halisstra called, her voice breaking, "help me!"

Seyll grew solid in her arms, and Halisstra felt the priestess's body quiver. Seyll screamed, and Halisstra heard it both in her rattling ears and in her tortured mind.

"Seyll," Uluyara shouted over the sound of pure agony that was ripped from Seyll's momentarily corporeal throat. "No. ."

Seyll's body disappeared, and Halisstra's arms wrapped around only herself. The scream echoed in her mind but left her ringing ears to the silence of the Astral Plane. She opened her eyes and saw Seyll floating in the gray nothing in front of her. The priestess's body was twisted and broken, her face wracked with pain. She had grown more transparent, and was quickly fading away.

"Seyll. ." Halisstra whispered.

The priestess looked her in the eyes one last time, and though it seemed to cause her a considerable amount of pain to do so, she smiled as she faded from sight.

Halisstra felt her body sag even as she was infused with an energy and confidence unlike anything she'd felt before.

"She's gone," Uluyara whispered.

"She didn't abandon only Arvandor," Feliane said, her eyes wide with horror. "She let the power of Lolth pass into her."

"To protect me," Halisstra whispered.

"It killed her," Feliane said. "She didn't choose the Astral, she chose oblivion."

"The thing that I most feared myself," said Halisstra. "It was oblivion that drove me to Eilistraee."

"She sacrificed herself," Uluyara said.

"For me?" asked Halisstra.

"And for Eilistraee," Feliane said.

Halisstra's mind reeled, but her eyes cleared of tears, and blood began to flow in her tired muscles. She felt alert, refreshed, even as she was overwhelmed.

"She sacrificed herself," Halisstra repeated, "so I could. ."

"So you could serve Eilistraee," Uluyara finished for her. "So you could wield the Crescent Blade."

Halisstra put a hand on the hilt of the weapon that could kill a goddess and said, "I hesitated, but I hope not for too long."

"She's awake," Feliane warned, "or resurrected. She'll fight back."

Halisstra thought about that. She tried to imagine facing Lolth herself in battle, and for the life of her she couldn't.

"We'll follow the souls to Lolth," Halisstra said, moving in that direction even before she finished speaking.

Feliane and Uluyara fell in behind her.