Kafka on the Shore

Chapter 44

They took the three files to a riverbed along the highway and burned them. Hoshino had bought lighter fluid at a convenience store, and doused the files before setting them ablaze. Then he and Nakata stood by silently as they watched each page become engulfed in flames. There was barely a hint of wind, and the smoke rose straight up, getting lost among the low-hanging gray clouds.

"So we can't read any of these papers?" Hoshino asked.

"No, we're not supposed to," Nakata replied. "I promised Miss Saeki we wouldn't, and my job is to keep that promise."

"Yeah, keeping promises is important," Hoshino said, wiping away sweat from his forehead. "It would be nice if we had a shredder, though. That would sure make it a lot easier. Copy shops have big shredders you can rent pretty cheap. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. It's just kind of hot to make a bonfire at this time of year. If it were winter, that'd be another story."

"I'm sorry, but I promised Miss Saeki I'd burn it all up. So that's what Nakata has to do."

"Okay, then. I'm in no rush. A little heat's not going to kill me. It was just a, what do you call it-a suggestion."

A cat sauntering along stopped to watch, a ski

A long while later, after the files were completely burned, Hoshino stomped the ashes into dust. The next strong wind would scatter all the remains. The sun was nearly setting by then, and crows were flying back to their nests.

"Nobody's go

"Mr. Hoshino?"

"What's up?"

"I have a question I'd like to ask."

"Fire away."

"Can nothingness increase?"

Hoshino puzzled this one over for a while. "That's a tough one," he admitted. "If something returns to nothing it becomes zero, but even if you add zero to zero, it's still zero."

"I don't understand."

"I don't get it either. Thinking about those kinds of things always gives me a headache."

"So maybe we should stop thinking about it."

"Fine with me," Hoshino said. "Anyhow, the manuscript's all burned up. All the words in it have disappeared. It's gone back to nothing-that's what I wanted to say."

"That's a load off my mind."

"So this pretty much wraps up what we need to do here, right?" Hoshino asked.

"Yes, we've almost finished what we need to do," Nakata said. "All that's left is to close up the entrance again."

"That's pretty important, huh?"

"It is. What's opened has to be shut."

"Well, let's get to it. Strike while the iron is hot and all that."

"Mr. Hoshino?"

"Yeah?"

"We can't do it now."

"Why not?"

"It's not time yet," Nakata said. "We have to wait for the right time to shut the entrance. Before that, I have to get some sleep. Nakata's so sleepy."

Hoshino looked at the old man. "Wait a sec-you're not going to sack out for days on end again, are you?"

"I can't say, but it may turn out like that."

"Can't we take care of business before you zonk out? Look-once you shift into sleep mode things kind of come to a halt."

"Mr. Hoshino?"

"What's up?"

"I wish we could shut the entrance first. That would be wonderful. But I have to get some sleep first. I can't keep my eyes open anymore."

"Like your batteries have fizzled out or something?"

"I suppose. It took longer than I thought to do what we needed to do. All my energy's gone. Would you take me back to where Nakata can get some sleep?"

"No problem. We'll grab a cab and head back to the apartment. Then you can sleep like a log if you want."

Once they'd settled into the cab Nakata started to nod out.

"You can sleep as much as you want once we're back in the apartment," Hoshino said. "But hang in there until we get home, okay?"

"Mr. Hoshino?"

"Yup?"

"I'm sorry to have put you to so much trouble," Nakata murmured vaguely.

"Yeah, I guess you have," Hoshino admitted. "But nobody asked me to come-I tagged along of my own free will. Like volunteering to shovel snow. So don't worry about it."

"If you hadn't helped me, Nakata wouldn't have known what to do. I wouldn't have finished even half of what I had to do."

"Well, if you put it that way, I guess it was worth the effort."

"I'm very grateful to you."

"But you know what?" Hoshino said.

"What?"

"I have a lot to thank you for too, Mr. Nakata."

"Is that right?"

"It's been about ten days since all this began," Hoshino said. "I've skipped out on work the whole time. The first couple of days I got in touch with them and asked for some time off, but right now I'm sort of AWOL. I probably won't get my old job back. Maybe, if I get down on my knees and apologize, they might forgive me. But it's no big deal. Not to brag or anything, but finding another job won't be hard-I'm a great driver and a good worker. So I'm not worried about that, and neither should you be. What I'm trying to say is that I don't have any regrets about being with you. These past ten days there's been a lot of bizarre stuff going on. Leeches falling from the sky, Colonel Sanders popping up out of thin air, hot sex with this drop-dead-gorgeous philosophy major, swiping the entrance stone from that shrine… A lifetime of weird stuff packed into ten days. Like we've been doing test runs on a roller coaster or something."

Hoshino stopped here, thinking how to go on. "But you know what, Gramps?"

"Yes?"

"The most amazing thing of all has been you, Mr. Nakata. You changed my life. These past ten days, I don't know-things look different to me now. Stuff I never would've given a second glance before seems different. Like music, for instance-music I used to think was boring really gets to me now. I feel like I've gotta tell somebody about this or bust, somebody who'll understand what I've gone through. Nothing like this ever happened to me before. And it's all because of you. I've started to see the world through your eyes. Not everything, mind you. I like how you look at life, so that's why it happened. That's why I've stayed with you through thick and thin, why I couldn't leave you. It's been one of the most meaningful times I've ever had in my life. So there's no need for you to be thanking me-not that I mind it. I should be thanking you. All I'm trying to say is you've done me a lot of good, Mr. Nakata. Do you know what I'm saying?"

But Nakata wasn't listening anymore. His eyes were shut, his breathing regular as he slept.

"What a happy-go-lucky guy," Hoshino said, and sighed.

Hoshino carried the old man in his arms up to the apartment and put him to bed. He took off Nakata's shoes but left his clothes on, and covered him with a light comforter. Nakata squirmed a bit, then settled down as usual, on his back facing the ceiling. His breathing was quiet and he was still.

Bet we're in for another three-day sleep marathon, Hoshino thought to himself.

But that's not how things turned out. Before noon the next day, Wednesday, Mr. Nakata was dead. He died peacefully in his sleep. His face was as calm as always, and he looked like he was just sleeping-only not breathing. Hoshino shook the old man's shoulders and called out his name, but there was no mistaking it-he was dead. Hoshino checked his pulse-nothing-and even put a hand mirror near his mouth, but it didn't cloud up. He'd stopped breathing completely. In this world, at least, he was never going to wake up again.