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Children, being dependent and feeling parents’ pressure, can’t decide to protest for a long time, can’t achieve anything and proclaim their individuality. Not being able to earn their living, to live separate, to be supported by friends, they are left face to face with their parents, grandparents – adults, having some rights and plans for their children. In his novel «The man who laughs,» Victor Hugo told about comprachikos (in Spanish – «children buyer»), who turned stolen kids into monsters (putting some parts of their bodies into blocks to break body proportions during physical development) and then sold them as entertainment (jesters) for the Royal court. Social upbringing reminds of the comprachikos’ actions: when we put some parts of children’s personalities into blocks, preventing natural development and somehow castrating them, depriving them of the internal harmony.
Сhildren may even die if they don’t have the environment, the ways and chances to fulfill their potential. Children understand it not at the intellectual, but at the natural level, and then they choose «not to live» – to die or fall ill. Only in the first year the child receives strong support from parents. First steps, first words, first using of the baby potty – everything is encouraged and causes a storm of emotions in adults, that’s why after birth children develop so rapidly. Then, when two-year-old children say that they will do everything themselves («I’ll cook myself, wash myself, sweep myself»), their development is slowed down by parents.
Children's willingness to take risks, crazyness, activeness and participation in life, the desire to influence, to build, to create frightens inert parents. They begin to forbid, talking about some stupid consequences, which they have never met or seen themselves. Immediately they get scared and start evaluating, «It’s bad,» «This is no good,» «You can get sick.» Parents fear that children will not need them and try to intimidate them – «You will break it!», «You don’t know how…», «You will spoil it.» Children insist – parents first bribe, and if it doesn’t work, start intimidating and punishing. This is how the Fear of Fear and Fear of Pain are formed. They paralyze children and make them passive. In addition, children grow with the feeling that things, food and neighbors – all external – are more important for parents than the manifestation of their children’s personalities.
«Good children» are «dead children.» Their parents succeeded in killing their individuality, intuition, creativity, joy, spontaneity, initiative and passion. These are scared children, having lost their childhood and the source of life. Children who are «alive» are always «crazy,» they are beyond the limits of our understanding of expedience, appropriateness and rightness and therefore they can’t be good – they will get in our hair, a
I remember a woman came to me to consult, and I asked her to write an application for a «good son,» and she was absolutely serious writing that she wanted him to do this and that and to say so…
She wasn’t an exception – I often met parents, who «played» parents, then the «toy» broke down and they went to the psychologist: «Repair him for me. I was bringing him up, but suddenly he broke down and became unsuitable for use, uncontrolled, restless and a stupid parasite.» At the same time the mother was sure that everything was OK with her, it was only with a child that something was wrong. So first of all I consult this mother, and then get down to a child, and if the mother doesn’t understand, it’s useless to treat the child. When you communicate with these mothers, there is a feeling that their only desire is to kill children’s personality as quickly as possible and make them suitable for control, the so-called «handheld robots.» If you want to play – turn on the toy, if you lose the desire – turn it off. Well, luckily that mother quickly realized that she couldn’t get a child with the help of application. This would no longer be a child, but a doll.
I always repeat: learn to live from children. A man came to me: «I don’t know what to do – troubles are everywhere, nothing can be worth…» I ask him: «Don’t you have a son?» – «Yes, he is a year and a half.» – «Tell me about him. How does he wake up?» – «He opens his eyes and says: „Wow!“ – „How does he fall asleep?“ – „With a potato chip in his mouth. As soon as he reaches his bed, he falls asleep like a dead man.“ We all have such a little wise man and a life teacher. Unlike adults, children haven’t tasted mea
Children return us to life, but we beat them, because we don’t feel the ability to live – we have lost it, because we were beaten, and it seems we will never be able to live like they do. We shall. Learn to live from children until they become „dead.“1 30 per cent of children are „dead“ up to the age of five, 70 per cent – after school and there remains only 12 per cent of „alive“ children after college. Look, how many people are a success after their college or university experience? Where are the rest? We attended the same lectures, studied in the same group and listened to the same professors. Where have they gone? Where will your children go when they grow up? They will be OK if you don’t impose your philosophy of the norm upon them and tell them what kind of people they should be, right from their childhood. Then they will stay „alive,“ they will be able to surprise, to take part in life and to become successful.
Being a parent means to be present, to realize and clearly see your role and your place next to this miracle that was born, and to create conditions and space for their development and growth. There, inside, in our center we are born with a certain potential, i
Start living yourself, living the children’s lives – get down on your knees and crawl together, look at them, watch them, feel them and join them. Just for a second try to forget about the project of „how it should be“ and start being, living, seeing, feeling and realizing. Not only feeding and getting dressed, but watching to see what my children are doing now, why they are doing it, and why it is important for them. If you spend some time not controlling, evaluating and harping on the same old theme, you will be able to see the process of life cognition, the discovery of the world by these little people. At that time, you just have to be there, supporting.
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"Dead" meaning "having lost their uniqueness, spontaneity, initiative with respect to the moment of life." Meaning children who do something to seek other people’s approval of their actions. The statistics are true for Russia.