Guilty Pleasures

34

The Church of Eternal Life, main building, is just off Page Avenue, far from the District. The Church doesn't like to be associated with the riffraff. Vampire strip club, Circus of the Damned, tsk-tsk. How shocking. No, they think of themselves as mainstream undead.

The church itself is set in an expanse of naked ground. Small trees struggled to grow into big trees and shade the startling white of the church. It seemed to glow in the hot July sunshine, like a land-bound moon.

I pulled into the parking lot and parked on the shiny new black asphalt. Only the ground looked normal, bare reddish earth churned to mud. The grass had never had a chance.

“Pretty,” Ro

I shrugged. “If you say so. Frankly, I never get used to the generic effect.”

“Generic effect?” she asked.

“The stained glass is all abstract color. No scenes of Christ, no saints, no holy symbols. Clean and pure as a wedding gown fresh out of plastic.”

She got out of the car, sunglasses sliding into place. She stared at the church, arms crossed over her stomach. “It looks like they just unwrapped it and haven't put the trimmings on yet.”

“Yeah, a church without God. What is wrong with this picture?”

She didn't laugh. “Will anybody be up this time of day?”

“Oh, yes, they recruit during the day.”

“Recruit?”

“You know, go door to door, like the Mormons and the Jehovah's Witnesses.”

She stared at me. “You've got to be kidding?”

“Do I look like I'm kidding?”

She shook her head. “Door-to-door vampires. How”-she wiggled her hands back and forth-“convenient.”

“Yep,” I said. “Let's go see who's minding the office.”

Broad white steps led up to huge double doors. One of the doors was open; the other had a sign that read, “Enter Friend and be at Peace.” I fought an urge to tear down the sign and stomp on it.

They were preying on one of the most basic fears of man, death. Everyone fears death. People who don't believe in God have a hard time with death being it. Die and you cease to exist. Poof. But at the Church of Eternal Life, they promise just what the name says. And they can prove it. No leap of faith. No waiting around. No questions left unanswered. How does it feel to be dead? Just ask a fellow church member.

Oh, and you'll never grow old either. No face-lifts, no tummy tucks, just eternal youth. Not a bad deal, as long as you don't believe in the soul.

As long as you don't believe the soul becomes trapped in the vampire's body and can never reach Heaven. Or worse yet, that vampires are inherently evil and you are condemned to Hell. The Catholic Church sees voluntary vampirism as a kind of suicide. I tend to agree. Though the Pope also excommunicated all animators, unless we ceased raising the dead. Fine; I became Episcopalian.

Polished wooden pews ran in two wide rows up towards what would have been an altar. There was a pulpit, but I couldn't call it an altar. It was just a blank blue wall surrounded by more white upsweeping walls.

The windows were red and blue stained glass. The sunlight sparkled through them, making delicate colored patterns on the white floor.

“Peaceful,” Ro

“So are graveyards.”

She smiled at me. “I'd thought you'd say that.”

I frowned at her. “No teasing; we're here on business.”

“What exactly do you want me to do?”

“Just back me up; look menacing if you can manage it. Look for clues.”

“Clues?” she asked.

“Yeah, you know, clues, ticket stubs, half-burned notes, leads.”

“Oh, those.”

“Quit gri

She adjusted her sunglasses and did her best “cold” look. She's pretty good at it. Thugs have been known to shrivel at twenty paces. We would see how it worked on church members.

There was a small door to one side of the “altar.” It led into a carpeted hallway. The air-conditioned hush enveloped us. There were bathrooms to the left, and an open room to the right. Perhaps this is where they had … coffee after services. No, probably not coffee. A rousing sermon followed by a little blood, perhaps?

The offices were marked with a little sign that said “Office.” How clever. There was an outer office, the proverbial secretarial desk and etc … A young man sat behind the desk. Slender, short brown hair carefully cut. Wire-frame glasses decorated a pair of really lovely brown eyes. There was a healing bite mark on his throat.

He rose and came around the desk, hand extended, smiling at us. “Greetings, friends, I'm Bruce. How may I help you today?”

The handshake was firm but not too firm, strong but not overbearing, a friendly lingering touch, but not sexual. Really good car salesmen shake hands like that. Real estate brokers, too. I have this nice little soul, hardly used at all. The price is right. Trust me. If his big brown eyes had looked any more sincere, I would have given him a doggie biscuit and patted his head.

“I would like to set up an appointment to speak with Malcolm,” I said.

He blinked once. “Have a seat.”

I sat. Ro

Bruce went back around his desk, after offering us coffee, and sat with folded hands. “Now, Miss …”

“Ms. Blake.”

He didn't flinch; he hadn't heard of me. How fleeting fame. “Ms. Blake, why do you wish to meet with the head of our church? We have many competent and understanding counselors that will help you make your decision.”

I smiled at him. I'll just bet you do, you little pipsqueak. “I think Malcolm will want to speak with me. I have information about the vampire murders.”

His smile slipped. “If you have such information, then go to the police.”

“Even if I have proof that certain members of your church are doing the murders?” A small bluff, otherwise known as a lie.

He swallowed, fingers pressing the top of his desk until the fingertips turned white. “I don't understand. I mean …”

I smiled at him. “Let's just face it, Bruce. You are not equipped to handle murder. It isn't in your training, now is it?”

“Well, no, but …”

“Then just give me a time to come back tonight and see Malcolm.”

“I don't know. I …”

“Don't worry about it. Malcolm is the head of the church. He'll take care of it.”

He was nodding, too rapidly. His eyes flicked to Ro

I started to point out that he wasn't using a pencil, but decided to let it slide. “Anita Blake.”

He still didn't recognize the name. So much for me being the terror of vampireland. “And this is pertaining to?” He was regaining his professionalism.

I stood up. “Murder, it's pertaining to murder.”

“Oh, yes, I … “ He scribbled something down. “Nine tonight, Anita Blake, murder.” He frowned down at the note as if there were something wrong with it.

I decided to help him out. “Don't frown so. You've got the message right.”

He stared up at me. He looked a little pale.

“I'll be back. Make sure he gets the message.”

Bruce nodded again, too fast, eyes large behind his glasses.

Ro

“Bruce scares easy.”

She nodded, eyes shining.

The barest mention of violence, murder, and he had fallen apart. When he “grew up,” he was going to be a vampire. Sure.

The sunshine was nearly blinding after the dimness of the church. I squinted, putting a hand over my eyes. I caught movement from the corner of my eye.

Ro

Everything slowed down. I had plenty of time to stare at the man and the gun in his hands. Ro

Ro

I inched forward. He walked up the steps. His shadow fell inside the door. He wasn't even trying to hide. Maybe he thought I wasn't armed. He was about to learn different.

Bruce called, “What's going on here?”

Ro

I kept my eyes on the door. I would not get shot because of Bruce distracted me. Nothing was important but that shadow in the door, the halting footsteps. Nothing.

The man walked right into it. Gun in his hand, eyes searching the church. Amateur.

I could have touched him with the barrel of my gun. “Don't move.”

“Freeze” always sounds so melodramatic. Don't move, short, to the point. “Don't move,” I said.

He turned just his head, slow, towards me. “You're The Executioner.” His voice was soft, hesitant.

Was I supposed to deny it? Maybe. If he had come here to kill The Executioner, definitely. “No,” I said.

He started to turn. “Then it must be her.” He was turning towards Ro

He raised his arm and started to point.

“Don't!” Ro

Too late. I fired, point-blank into his chest. Ro

I hesitated, listening. I couldn't hear any movement. I eased around the door. He wasn't moving, but the gun was still clutched in his hand. I pointed my gun at him and stalked to him. If he had so much as twitched, I would have hit him again.

I kicked the gun out of his hand and checked the pulse in his neck. Nada, zip. Dead.

I use ammunition that can take out vampires, if I get a lucky shot, and if they're not ancient. The bullet had made a small hole on the side it went in, but the other side of his chest was gone. The bullet had done what it was supposed to do; expand, and make a very big exit hole.

His neck lolled to one side. Two bite marks decorated his neck. Dammit! Bite marks or not, he was dead. There wasn't enough left of his heart to thread a needle. A lucky shot. A stupid amateur with a gun.