Incubus Dreams

9

The first person I saw when I hit the parking lot wasn’t any of the men, it was Ro

She’d once told me if she had my chest she’d never wear another high neck shirt in her life. She’d been kidding, but when she dressed up, she showed off all that nice long stretch of leg. Her blond hair was cut at shoulder length, but she’d curled the edges under tonight so the hair bobbed above the spaghetti straps on her nearly bare shoulders. It was bobbing a lot, because she was talking low and angry to someone I couldn’t see clearly.

I took another step into the parking lot, and the shadows cleared, and I saw Louis Fane. Louie taught biology at Washington University.

He had his doctorate and was a wererat. The university knew about the doctorate but not about what he did on the full moons. He was an inch or two shorter than Ro

I couldn’t hear what they were saying, only the tone, and the tone was pissed. I realized I’d been staring, and it was none of my business. Even if Ro

We’d started seeing each other less and less over the last few months, until it had gotten to the point where we hadn’t talked in a couple of months. I’d known she and Louie were still dating, because he and I had mutual friends. I wondered what the fight was about, but it wasn’t my fight. My fight was waiting out there in the parking lot, leaning against the side of my Jeep. All three of them were leaning against the Jeep. It was like a lineup, or an ambush.

I hesitated in the middle of the asphalt, debating on whether to go back and offer to referee Ro

But Ro

I stood there in the darkened parking lot, caught between the fight behind me and the fight waiting for me. Strangely, I didn’t want to fight with anyone. I was suddenly tired, so terribly tired, and it had nothing to do with the late hour, or a long day.

I walked to the waiting men, and no one smiled at me, but then I didn’t smile at them either. I guess it wasn’t a smiling kind of conversation.

“Nathaniel says you didn’t want to dance with him,” Micah said.

“Not true,” I said. “I danced, twice. What I didn’t want to do was play kissy-face in front of the cops.”

Micah looked at Nathaniel. Nathaniel looked at the ground. “You kissed me earlier in front of Detective Arnet. Why was this different?”

“I kissed you to give Jessica the clue to stop hitting on you, because you wanted me to save you from her.”

He raised his eyes, and they were like two pretty wounds, so pain-filled. “So, you only kissed me to save me, not because you wanted to?”

Oh, hell. Out loud I tried again, though the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach told me that I was going to lose this argument.

Lately, around Nathaniel, I always felt like I was doing something wrong, or at least not right. “That isn’t what I meant,” I said.

“It’s what you said.” This from Micah.

“Don’t you start,” I said, and I heard the anger in my voice before I could stop it. The anger had been there already, I just hadn’t been aware of it. I was angry a lot, especially when I wasn’t comfortable. I liked anger better than embarrassment. Maria

“I don’t want to fight,” I said. There, that was honest.

“None of us do,” Micah said.

Just hearing him be so calm helped the anger ease away. “Nathaniel pushed it on the dance floor, and theardeur rose early.”

“I felt it,” Micah said.

“Me, too,” Jason said.

“But you don’t feel it now, do you?” Nathaniel said. His eyes were almost accusing, and his voice held it’s own thin edge of anger. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever heard him that close to being angry.

“Anita is getting better control over theardeur,” Micah said.

Nathaniel shook his head, hugging himself tight. It reminded me of the way that Ro

“Not willingly,” I said.

“Yes, you would,” he said, and his eyes held the anger his voice had held. I’d never seen those lavender eyes angry before. Not like this. It was strangely u

“I would not have sex in the parking lot of Larry and Tammy’s wedding reception, if I had a choice.”

That angry gaze searched my face as if trying to find something.

“Why not feed here?”

“Because it’s tacky. And because if Zerbrowski ever got wind of it, I would never, ever, live it down.”

Jason patted his arm. “See, it isn’t you she turned down, it’s that she doesn’t want to fool around at Larry’s wedding. Just not her style.”

Nathaniel glanced at Jason, then back at me. Some strange tension that I didn’t quite understand seemed to flow away from him. The anger began to fade from his eyes. “I guess you’re right.”

“Well, if we don’t want to be fooling around in the parking lot, then we need to get going,” Micah said. “Theardeur doesn’t like being denied. When it does come back tonight, it won’t be gentle.”

I sighed. He was right. That bit of metaphysical bravado on the dance floor would have all sorts of consequences later tonight. When theardeur rose again, I would be forced to feed. There would be no stuffing it back into its box. It was almost as if, being able to stop theardeur in its tracks, to completely turn it off once it had filled me, pissed theardeur off. I knew it was a psychic gift and that psychic gifts don’t have feelings and don’t carry grudges, but sometimes, it felt like this one did.

“I’m sorry, Anita, I wasn’t thinking.” Nathaniel looked so discouraged that I had to hug him, a quick hug, more sisterly than anything else, and he responded to my body language and didn’t try and hold me close. He let me hug him, and step away. Nathaniel was usually almost painfully attuned to my body language. It was one of the things that had allowed him to share my bed for months without violating those last few taboos.

“Let’s go home,” I said.

“That’s my cue to part company,” Jason said.

“You’re welcome to bunk over if you want,” I said.

He shook his head. “No, since I’m not needed to referee the fight, or for sage advice, I’ll go home, too. Besides, I couldn’t stand listening to the three of you get all hot and heavy and not be invited to play.” He laughed and added, “Don’t get mad, but having once been included, it’s harder to be excluded.”

I fought the blush that burned up my face, which always seemed to make the blush darker and harder.

Jason and I had had sex once. Before I realized it was possible to love someone to death with theardeur, Nathaniel had collapsed at work and been off the feeding schedule for a few days. Micah hadn’t been in the house, and theardeur had risen early. Hours early. It had been interference from Belle Morte, the originator of Jean-Claude’s bloodline, and the first, to my knowledge, possessor of theardeur. It only ran through her line of vamps, nowhere else. The fact that I carried it had raised very interesting metaphysical questions. Belle had wanted to understand what I was, and she had also thought it would raise some hell. Belle was a good business-y vampire, but when she could take care of business and make trouble, all the better. So it hadn’t been my fault, but my choices had been limited to taking Nathaniel and possibly killing him, or letting Jason take one for the team. He’d been happy to do it. Very happy. And strangely our friendship had survived it, but every once in a while I couldn’t pretend it hadn’t happened, and that made me uncomfortable.

“I love the fact that I can make you blush, now,” he said.

“I don’t.”

He laughed, but there was something in his eyes that was more serious than laughter. “I need to tell you something, in private, before you go ru

I didn’t like how suddenly serious he was. I’d learned in the last few months that Jason used his teasing and laughter as a shield to hide a rather insightful intelligence that was sometimes so perceptive it was painful. I didn’t like his request for privacy either. What couldn’t he say in front of Micah and Nathaniel? And why?

Out loud I said, “Okay.” I started off to the far side of the parking lot away from the Jeep, and farther away from Ro

When the shade of the trees that edged the church parking lot lay cool above us, I stopped and turned to Jason. “What’s up?”

“The thing on the dance floor was sort of my fault.”

“In what way, your fault?”

He actually looked embarrassed, which you didn’t see much from Jason. “He wanted to know how I got to have sex with you, real sex, the very first time I helped feed theardeur. ”