Incubus Dreams

The sides of his hands were bloody where he’d scrapped them on the carpet, like really bad rug burns. He raised those bloody hands up and just knelt there staring at his hands. He didn’t cry, didn’t swear, didn’t do anything.

We all froze, waiting for him to do or say something. At least a full minute passed, and he hadn’t moved. Claudia looked across the room at me. I shrugged. I’d been engaged to him once, and I’d been his lover, but I had no clue what to do. That was one of the problems with Richard and me, we so often didn’t know what to do with each other.

I started to walk around the bed, but Jason grabbed my wrist.

“Close enough.”

I didn’t argue. I just stopped and looked down at him. He was still staring at his scraped-up hands. “Richard, Richard, are you in there?”

He laughed then, but it wasn’t a good laugh. It was one of those laughs that held more bitterness than humor. Everyone in the room, except me, jumped when he laughed, as if they’d expected anything but that. I’d learned not to try to guess what he’d do.

“I want to lick the blood off my hands,” he said in a strangled voice.

“Then do it,” I said.

He looked up at me. “What?”

“It’s your blood. It’s your hands. If you want to lick your own wounds, then do it.”

“Won’t you be disgusted?”

I sighed. “Richard, it doesn’t matter what I think. It matters what you think.”

“You’d think it was disgusting,” he said.

I sighed, again. “No, Richard, actually, no. The licking will make the scrapes feel better, and you’ll enjoy the taste of blood.”

He frowned up at me. “You wouldn’t have said that a year ago.” It was almost a whisper.

“I might not have said it six months ago, but I’m saying it now.

Lick your wounds, Richard, just don’t live in them.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, and his anger flared, like a small hot whip against my skin.

“Don’t get pissy, Richard. I’m trying to live the life I’ve got, not some dream of a life that I’m never going to have.”

“And you think I am.”

“You’re Ulfric of the Thro

He shook his head, and his eyes glittered in the lights, as if there might be tears in those perfectly brown eyes. His voice when it came was even, no hint of those glittering eyes. “I tried.”

I was shielding as hard as I could. I didn’t want any more peeks into his and Clair’s love life, but I could guess. “With Clair?”

He looked up, and the anger was wi

“I’m shielding like a son of a bitch right now. I saw that you had a fight, a bad one. But that’s about all I saw.”

He opened his mouth, then glanced behind him. “I won’t hurt anyone, but this isn’t a conversation for a crowd.”

The wererats looked at me. I sighed and wondered if I was being stupid. Maybe, but I was going to do it anyway. “You guys can go.”

Claudia gave me a look. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Anita.”

“Neither do I,” I said, “but do it anyway.”

She shook her head but motioned the two men through the door. She turned with the door halfway closed. She looked at me, and said, “We’ll be right outside. You yell, if you need us.”

I nodded. “I will, I promise.”

She gave me a look that said she didn’t believe me, but she went and closed the door behind her.

“Get out, Jason,” Richard said.

“It’s his room, Richard,” I said.

“He doesn’t get to hear this,” Richard said.

Jason got off the bed, slowly, like he still hurt. “If I leave and you hurt her, neither you nor I will ever forgive you.”

Richard stared up at the tall wolfman. They had a moment of simply staring at each other, and whatever they saw in each other’s faces seemed to satisfy them both. Richard said, “You’re right. I won’t hurt her.”

“What about Nathaniel?”

Richard looked past him to the tall, dark form of Nathaniel. “He needs to leave, too.”

“Only Anita can order me to leave,” Nathaniel said.

Richard looked at me, then down. “Two requests, clothes for you, and everyone leaves. Please.”

The clothes were hard, because I was still covered in goop. What few clothes I had, I didn’t want to get messy. What I needed was a robe, but I didn’t have one in this room. I hesitated too long for Richard’s mood, because he said, “Don’t make me have this talk with you naked, Anita. Please.” He said theplease like he had the first time, like it was its own sentence, not an afterthought, but as if the please was more important than normal, and needed to be set apart.

“I’d love to get dressed, Richard, but I’m still covered in that clear goop. I’d rather not get it all over my clothes.”

“I’ve got a robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door,” Jason said, “it should fit.”

“Since when do you wear a robe?” I asked.

“It was a present.”

I looked at him.

“Jean-Claude thought I looked cold.” I think he tried to grin at me, but the wolf muzzle just wasn’t made for it.

“Let me guess, black silk?”

“Blue, to match my eyes.” He started toward the bathroom, not exactly limping, but close.

“I’ll get it. Everybody stay put, and be nice, until I get back.”

I went for the bathroom, though search me if I could remember a robe on the back of the bathroom door. But it was there, hanging exactly where Jason had said. It was a lovely blue, sort of soft and bright all at the same time. I’d been more tired than I’d known to miss it last night.

I put the robe on and caught sight of myself in the mirror. The remnants of yesterday’s makeup still outlined my eyes, though it had smeared a little so it looked a little more Goth than my usual. The lipstick was gone. The clear goop had dried one side of my hair into a case of bed head that only a shower would cure. My body was covered in more of the drying goop, so that it was begi

If you have sex with condoms, you forget that what goes in eventually comes out, and I took the time to clean up just a little, because it was too embarrassing not to.

The blue was too pale for my coloring, and too big through the shoulders. It was one of those moments that I wondered why anyone wanted me. I just didn’t see it. Of course, feeling this bad about myself might have had something to do with dreading Richard’s little talk. Maybe.

I took in a lot of air, let it out slowly, and opened the door. It was one of the braver things I’d done in awhile. I’d much rather have dealt with bad guys than with Richard. Bad guys were simple, kill them before they kill you. Richard was a lot of things, but simple was so not one of them.