Страница 6 из 8
Well, Tobias begins crying again, because no inexperienced guy can take a couple of drinks of Good Time Charley's liquor and not bust out crying, even if it is Charley's company liquor, and one and all are at once very sympathetic with Tobias, especially Little Mitzi, who is just tossed around himself more than somewhat by a doll. In fact, Little Mitzi starts crying with him.
"Why," Joey Uptown says, "I never hear of a greater outrage in my life, although," he says, "I can see there is some puppy in you at that, when you do not return this Trivett's punch. Then I tell them how Tobias Tweeney comes to New York figuring he may meet up with some desperate characters of the underworld, and they hear this with great interest, and Angie the Ox speaks as follows:
"I wonder, if we can get in touch with anybody who knows such characters and arrange to have Mr. Tweeney meet them, although personally I despise characters of this nature."
Well, while Angie is wondering this there comes a large knock at the front door, and it is such a knock as only cops can knock, and everybody at the table jumps up. Good Time Charley goes to the door and takes a quiet gander through his peephole and we hear a loud, coarse voice speaking as follows:
"Open up, Charley," the voice says. "We wish to look over your guests. Furthermore," the voice says, "tell them not to try the back door, because we are there, too."
"It is Lieutenant Harrigan and his squad," Charley says as he comes back to the table where we are all standing. "Someone must tip him off you are here. Well, those who have rods to shed will shed them now."
At this, Joey Uptown steps up to Tobias Tweeney and hands him a large gun and says:
"Put this away on you somewhere," Joey says, "and then sit down and be quiet. These coppers are not apt to bother with you," Joey says, "if you sit still and mind your own business, but," Joey says, "it will be very tough on any of us they find with a rod."
Now of course what Joey says is very true, because he is only walking around and about on parole, and some of the others present are walking around the same way, and it is a very serious matter for a guy who is walking around on parole to be caught with a rod in his pocket. Well, Tobias Tweeney is somewhat dazed by his couple of drinks and he does not realize what is coming off, so he takes Joey's rod and puts it in his hip kick. Then all of a sudden Harry the Horse and Angie the Ox and Little Mitzi, and all the others step up to him and hand him their rods and Tobias Tweeney somehow manages to stow the guns away on himself and sit down before Good Time Charley opens the door and in come the cops.
By this time Joey Uptown and all the others are scattered at different tables around the room, with no more than three at any one table, leaving Tobias Tweeney and me alone at the table where we are first sitting. Furthermore, everybody is looking very i
I know Harrigan by sight, and I know most of his men, and they know there is no more harm in me than there is in a two–year–old baby, so they pay no attention to me whatever, or to Tobias Tweeney, either, but go around making Joey Uptown, and Angie the Ox, and all the others stand up while the cops fan them to see if they have any rods on them.
Naturally the cops do not find any rods on anybody, because the rods are all on Tobias Tweeney, and no one is going to fan Tobias Tweeney, especially at this particular moment, as Tobias is now half–asleep from Charley's liquor, and has no interest whatever in anything that is going on. In fact, Tobias is nodding in his chair.
Of course the cops are greatly disgusted at not finding any rods. But as Lieutenant Harrigan is just about to take his guys out of the joint when Tobias Tweeney nods a little too far forward in his chair, and then all of a sudden topples over on the floor, and five large rods pop out of his pockets, and the next thing anybody knows there is Tobias Tweeney under arrest.
Well, the next day the newspapers are plumb full of the capture of a guy they call Twelve–Gun Tweeney, and the papers say that this is undoubtedly the toughest guy the world ever sees, because they never before hear of a guy going around rodded up with twelve guns.
The gendarmes say they can tell by the way he acts that Twelve–Gun Tweeney is a mighty bloodthirsty guy, because he says nothing whatever but only glares at them with a steely glint in his eyes, although of course the reason Tobias stares at them is because he is still too dumbfounded to think of anything to say.
Naturally, I figure that when Tobias comes up for air he is a sure thing to spill the whole business, and all the parties who are in Good Time Charley's when he is arrested figure the same way, and go into retirement for a time. But it seems that when Tobias finally realizes what time it is, he is getting so much attention that it swells him all up and he decides to keep on being Twelve–Gun Tweeney as long as he can, which is a decision that is a very nice break for all parties concerned.
I sneak down into the courtroom the day Tobias is charged of violation of the law against carrying rods, and the courtroom is packed with citizens eager to see a desperate character. Among these citizens are many pretty dolls, pulling and hauling for position, and some of these dolls are by no means crows. Many photographers are hanging around to take pictures of Twelve–Gun Tweeney as he is led in handcuffed to gendarmes on either side of him, and with other gendarmes in front and behind him.
But one and all are greatly surprised and somewhat disappointed when they see what a little squirt Tobias is, and Judge Rascover looks down at him once, and then puts on his specs and takes another gander as if he does not believe what he sees in the first place. Then he speaks to Lieutenant Harrigan as follows:
"Do you mean to tell this court," Judge Rascover says, "that this half–portion here is the desperate Twelve–Gun Tweeney?"
Well, Lieutenant Harrigan says there is no doubt whatever about it, and Judge Rascover wishes to know how Tobias carries all these rods, and whereaboutsю. Lieutenant Harrigan collects twelve rods from the gendarmes around the courtroom, and starts in putting the guns here and there on Tobias as near as he can remember where they are found on him in the first place, with Tobias giving him a little friendly assistance.
Lieutenant Harrigan puts two guns in each of the side pockets of Tobias's coat, one in each hip pocket, one in the waistband of Tobias's pants, one in each side pocket of the pants, one up each of Tobias's sleeves and one in the inside pocket of Tobias's coat. Then Judge Rascover speaks to Tobias as follows:
"Step closer to the bench," Judge Rascover says. "I wish to see for myself just what kind of a villain you are."
Well, Tobias takes a step forward, and over he goes on his snoot, the little guy is naturally top–heavy from the rods.
Now there is much confusion as he falls and a young doll who seems to be fatter than somewhat comes shoving through the crowd in the courtroom yelling and crying, and though the gendarmes try to stop her she gets to Tobias and kneels at his side, and speaks as follows:
"Toby, darling," she says, "it is nobody but Deborah who loves you dearly, and who always knows you will turn out to be the greatest gunman of them all. Look at me, Toby," she says, "and tell me you love me, too. We never realize what a hero you are until we get the New York papers in Erasmus last night, and I hurry to you as quickly as possible. Kiss me, Toby"