I Will Fear No Evil

8

Dr. Garcia rubbed Jake Salomon's arm where he had just injected him. "Now wait three minutes. With a tenth cc. of ‘Tranquille' in you, you could attend your own hanging in a calm mood."

"Thank you, Doctor. Dr. Hedrick, what's bothering Joha

Hedrick shook his head. "The patient won't talk to us. Simply demands to see you."

"Uh...he has found out? Or, rather, if he has, what then?"

Hedrick turned to his colleague. "Dr. Garcia?"

"You know my opinion, Doctor. Your patient has recovered, is simply weak from being too long in bed. There is no longer any excuse—any medical excuse—for restraints."

"Dr. Rosenthal?"

The psychiatrist shrugged. "The human mind is a weird and wonderful thing—and the longer I study it the less I'm sure about anything concerning it. But I agree with Dr. Garcia on one point: You can't keep a patient tied down forever."

Hedrick said, "I'm afraid that's it, Counselor."

Salomon sighed. "And I've been appointed a vol­unteer."

"Any of us will go in with you if you wish, sir. But the patient flatly refuses to talk to us. We'll be standing by, ready to move fast if a crisis develops."

"The dummy-switches dodge again?"

"Oh, certainly. And this time the nurse has been instructed to get out if you tell her to. You, not the patient. But don't worry; I'll be watching and listening by closed-circuit video; Dr. Garcia and Dr. Rosenthal will watch the monitor scopes."

"I'm not worrying, that drug must have hit me. Okay, I'll go in—and if I have to ride the tiger, I'll hang onto its ears."

Joha

"I've been working. Which is more than you can say."

"You think so, eh? Physiotherapy is damned hard work, harder than you ever do, you shyster—and I have to go through it seven days a week."

"My heart bleeds, Joha

"Now, now, Jake, don't take that line with me. I'm sorry you were in. I told ‘em to send you flowers. Did you get them?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"That's odd, I didn't send any. Caught you, didn't I? Jake, I never intend to overwork a man—but, damn it, when he's on my payroll, I expect to hear from him occasionally. And see him."

"I'm not on your payroll."

"Huh? What nonsense is this?"

"When the Court appointed me your guardian pro tern and conservator, McCampbell awarded me a token fee of ten dollars a month. That's all I am allowed to accept from you—and I haven't collected it."

Joha

"Stow it, Joha

"Read negative reports? Jake, don't be silly. Yes, I'm fretted about Eunice—damn it, even if she didn't want to work for me any longer, you'd think she would have paid me the minimum courtesy of a sickroom visit. But that's not what is on my mind—not why I sent for you, I mean. Nurse!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Switch off the voice-monitors; then go hide your head in the idiot box. Pick any program as long as it's loud; I want privacy."

"Yes, sir." She stood up and switched off the dummy switches.

"Nurse."

"Yes, Mr. Salomon?"

"Ask Dr. Hedrick if we can have full privacy. I don't think Mr. Smith is going to swing from the chandelier simply because I don't have a nursing degree."

"Mr. Salomon, Dr. Hedrick says that we are doing so well"—she smiled brightly—"aren't we, Mr. Smith?—that if you wanted to talk privately, I could leave. Just push this red button when you want me." She smiled again and left.

Joha

"Why so? You're getting well, Hedrick says so."

"Hmm. ‘I fear the Greeks, even bearing gifts.' Jake, come close, I want to whisper...because I wouldn't put it past ‘em to have a spare microphone tucked away somewhere."

"Paranoia, you old fool. Why would Hedrick bother to listen to our conversation?"

"‘Young fool,' please—I'm young again. Paranoid, possibly. Anyhow I don't want anybody to hear this but you. Because if I'm mistaken, it won't sound good to have this repeated in court in a competency hearing. So lean close and listen hard. Jake...I'm almost certain this new body of mine is female!"

Jake Salomon's ears started to buzz and he was glad that Garcia had given him that shot. "So? Interesting idea. ‘If true, what are you going to do? Take it back to complaint desk and demand another one?"

"Oh, don't talk like a fool, Jake. Whatever body I have now, I'm stuck with—and if it's female, well, it'll seem odd but half the human race manages to bear up under it; I, guess I can. But don't you see? If my notion is correct, that's why they've taken such great care not to let me see myself. Afraid I would jump my cams, no doubt." Joha

"Perhaps. It's an interesting theory. How did you reach. it?"

"Oh, a number of things. Especially the fact that, even though I now can use my hands and arms, they won't le me. Except during controlled physiotherapy. Can't touch myself, I mean; they strap me down again at once, with an excuse about ‘spastic muscle action' and so forth. Which I did have at first and don't have now. But never mind. This is the first time there hasn't been a nurse in the room. So find out. Lift the sheet and look! Tell me, Jake, am I male or female? Hurry—she might come back."

Salomon sat still. "Joha

"What, Jake? Hurry up, man!"

"You're female."

Joha

"I've known it all along, Joha

"They don't know me very well—it's not half the surprise it was to me when—at about six, it was—I found out that girls really are different from boys. Little girl down the block, it was. Showed me. ‘But how did it happen, Jake? It wasn't what I signed up for."

"Oh, but it was."

"Eh?"

"No instruction you gave said one word about race or sex. You specified ‘healthy,' and around twenty to forty years old, and with AB-Negative blood. Nothing else."

Joha

"Why not? They put women's hearts into male bodies and vice versa every day."

"True. I'm simply saying that I never thought about it. But even if I had, I don't think I would have risked cutting my chances in half by making such a restriction. As may be, I've never been one to cry over spilt milk. Well, now that I know, there's no reason to continue that silly business about ‘no mirrors.' Will you step out and tell that stubborn doctor that I want to see myself at once and no more nonsense? If necessary, knock his ears in."