The Number of the Beast

"Not necessary, Zebadiah." My stepdaughter made a long arm, got a walkytalky we keep indoors-with six hectares, it is convenient to carry one outside the house. "Gay Deceiver."

"Hi, Deety," came this tiny voice from the ear button. Deety did not place it in her ear. "Hello, Gay. More gain....ore gain... gain okay. Retrieve Turing program Modnar. Execute."

"Executed. Did he chew the bit?"

"Goodnight, Gay. Over."

"Sleep tight, Deety. Roger and out."

I cut in fast. "Gentlemen, the dishes can sit overnight. I vote for a ramble among the universes, say two hours, then early to bed. The other choice is, I think, cha

It felt good to be back in a jump suit. I was turning out lights, making sure windows were fastened, gathering up one walky-talky, when Zebbie stuck his head into the kitchen from the back door. "Captain?"

"Huh? Zebbie, do you mean me?"

"You're the only captain around, Sharpie. What I started to report was: Captain, your car is ready."

"Thank you, First Officer."

He waited for me to put the butter away, then locked the back door behind me, opened the barn's people door. I noted that the big doors were still closed- and remembered my borrowed panties four weeks and many universes away. I squirmed past Deety, got into my old familiar starboard-aft seat with a song in my heart.

Shortly Deety said, "Starboard door seal checked, First Officer."

"Roger. Captain, ready for space."

"Thank you. Has anyone left behind anything normally carried?"

"No, Captain. I replaced worn-out clothes. Added tools I could buy here."

"Zebbie, it sounds as if you expected to lift without warning."

"Habit, Captain. I've kept anything important in my-our-car rather than in that flat. Some I duplicated. Teethbreesh. Iodine. Some clothes." Zebbie added, "Jake keeps basics here, too. 'Be prepared!' Troop ninety-seven, Cleveland."

"Jacob? Anything you need?"

"No, Captain. Let's go!"

"We will, dear. Deety, did you give Zebbie a schedule?"

"The one you pla

"Astrogator, take the co

"Aye aye, Ma'am. Gay Deceiver."

"Hi, Zeb. This is great! Whyinhell did you lobotomize me?"

"Because I'm stupid. Random walk, Gay-transitions, translations, rotations, vectors, under all safety rules. Two hours. Five-second stops subject to 'Hold' from any of us."

"May I place a 'Hold' myself?"

"Captain?"

I resorted to sophistry. "Astrogator, you said 'any of us'-which includes Gay."

"Gay, paraphrase acknowledge."

"I shall make unpla

I was astonished. Deety had told me that Gay would sound almost alive if Zebbie used her full potential... but Gay sounded more alive, more alert, than she had in Oz.

"Assumption confirmed," Zebbie answered. "Execute!"

For ten minutes-one hundred thirteen shifts-we had a "slide show" of universes from commonplace to weird beyond comprehension, when suddenly Gay told herself "Hold!" and added, "Ship ahoy!"

"Private Yacht Dora," she was answered. "Is that you, Gay? What took you so long?"

I said, "Astrogator, I have the co

Gay was saying rapidly: "Captain, I am not transmitting. I advise asking for Dora's captain. I have transmitted: 'Yes, this is Gay, Dora. I'm not late; we took the scenic route. Pipe down, girl, and put your skipper on.' Captain, the mike is yours; they can't hear me or any other voice inside me."

"Thank you, Gay. Captain Hilda, master of Gay Deceiver, hailing Private Yacht Dora. Captain of Dora, please come in."

In our central display appeared a face. We do not have television. This picture was flat rather than 3-D and not in color, just the greenish bright of radar. Nevertheless, it was a. face, and lip movements matched words. "I'm Captain Long, Captain Hilda. We've been expecting you. Will you come aboard?"

("Come aboard?"! So this is what comes of ru

"We anticipated that, Captain. Dora's radius-nine-oh hold has been modified for Gay Deceiver. If you will do us the honor, we will take you inboard. Your wings are raked back, are they not? Hypersonic?"

"Yes."

"I will move slowly, become dead in space with respect to you, then reorient and move to surround you as gently as a kiss."

"If the Captain pleases- It is my duty t~ advise her if I see a mistake in prospect."

I barely whispered. "Zebbie, you're advising me not to?"

"Hell, no," he answered aloud, secure in the knowledge that his voice would be filtered out. "Do it! What do we have to lose? Aside from our lives. And we're sort o' used to that."

I answered, "Captain Long, you may take us inboard."

"Thank you, Captain. The Dora will arrive in-I'm sorry; what time units do you use?"

Deety interrupted: "Gay, let my voice through. Captain Long-"

"Yes. You are not Captain Hilda?"

"I'm Deety. We call our units 'seconds.' These are seconds: one... two... three....our... five... six... seven... eight-"

"Synchronized! We call ours 'Galactic seconds' or simply 'seconds' but about three percent longer than yours. Dora will be almost touching your bow in,...ifty-seven of your seconds."

Spooky- Blackness blotting out stars, getting bigger. As it began to surround us, Jacob switched on forward grounding lights; we were entering a tu

"Outer doors closing," came Captain Long's voice. "Closed and sealing. Pres

sure adjusting. Captain, we use nitrogen and oxygen, four to one, plus carbon dioxide sufficient to maintain breathing reflex. If content or pressure does not suit you, please tell me."

"The mix described will suit us, Captain."

"Don't hesitate to complain. Pressure equalized. Debark either side, but I am on your starboard side, with my sister."

I squirmed past Deety in order to introduce my family. Just as well, it gave me a chance to see them first. None of us can be shocked by skin but we can be surprised. But I've been practicing not showing surprise since grammar school as a major defense of my persona.

Here were two shapely young women, one with four stripes on each shoulder (painted? decals?), the other in three stripes-plus friendly smiles. "I'm Captain Long," said the one with four stripes.

"-and her mutinous crew," echoed the other.

"Commander Laurie, my twin sister."

"Only we aren't, because-"

"-we're triplets."

"Mutinies are limited to the midwatch-"

"-so as not to disturb passengers, of which-"

"-we have two more. Knock it off, Laurie, and-"

"-show them to their quarters. Aye aye, Cap'n."

"Hey! Don't I get introduced!" From all around came the voice that had hailed us.

"Sorry," said Captain Long. "That's our untwin sister, Dora. She runs many of the ship's functions."

"I run everything," Dora asserted. "Laz and Lor are purely ornamental. Which one of you jokers shut off Gay?"