Страница 4 из 11
"Some people are like that," said Gra
"I actually heard her very last words," said Gammer.
"What did she say?" said Gra
"As I recall, "oh bugger"," said Gammer.
"It's the way she would have wanted to go," said Na
"You know... we could be looking at the end of witchcraft in these parts," said Gammer Brevis.
They stared at the fire again.
"I don't ‘spect anyone's brought any marshmallows?" said Na
Gra
"What about young Magrat?" said Old Mother Dismass i
Gra
"She's gone fu
"Now, come on, Esme," said Na
"Well, I call it fu
"She didn't say that," said Na
"That's what I said," said Gra
She sat back with the satisfied look of someone who has solved everything anyone could ever want to know about a personal identity crisis.
"She wouldn't listen," she added.
Gammer Brevis wrinkled her forehead.
"Magrat?" she said. She tried to get a mental picture of the Ramtops' youngest witch and recalled - well, not a face, just a slightly watery-eyed expression of hopeless goodwill wedged between a body like a maypole and hair like a haystack after a gale. A relentless doer of good works. A worrier. The kind of person who rescued small lost baby birds and cried when they died, which is the function kind old Mother Nature usually reserves for small lost baby birds.
"Doesn't sound like her," she said.
"And she said she wanted to be more self-assertive," said Gra
"Nothing wrong with being self-assertive," said Na
"I never said there was anything wrong with it," said Gra
"Rub this on and it'll clear up in a week or two," said Old Mother Dismass.
The other three witches watched her expectantly, in case there was going to be anything else. It became clear that there wasn't.
"And she's ru
"Self-defence classes," said Na
"But she's a witch," Gammer Brevis pointed out.
"I told her that," said Gra
"No-one goes to them, anyway," said Na
"I thought she was going to get married to the king," said Gammer Brevis.
"Everyone did," said Na
They all thought about this. Finally Gammer Brevis said, slowly, in the ma
"I'm pleased to say I don't even know what a sex object is," said Gra
"I do," said Na
They looked at her.
"Our Shane brought one home from foreign parts once."
They carried on looking at her.
"It was brown and fat and had beads on and a face and two holes for the string."
This didn't seem to avert their gaze.
"Well, that's what he said it was," said Na
"I think you're talking about a fertility idol," said Gammer Brevis helpfully.
Gra
"Doesn't sound much like Magrat to me - " she began.
"You can't tell me that's worth tuppence," said Old Mother Dismass, from whatever moment of time she was currently occupying.
No-one was ever quite sure which it was.
It was an occupational hazard for those gifted with second sight. The human mind isn't really designed to be sent rocketing backwards and forwards along the great freeway of time and can become, as it were, detached from its anchorage, seeing randomly into the past and the future and only occasionally into the present. Old Mother Dismass was temporally unfocused. This meant that if you spoke to her in August she was probably listening to you in March. It was best just to say something now and hope she'd pick it up next time her mind was passing through.
Gra
"She's gone again," she said.
"Well, if Magrat can't take it on there's Millie Hopgood from over Slice way," said Gammer Brevis. "She's a hardworking girl. Mind you, she's got a worse squint than Magrat."
"Nothing wrong with that. A squint looks good on a witch," said Gra
"But you have to know how to use it," said Na
They all stared at the fire again.
"I suppose Desiderata wouldn't have chosen her own successor?" said Gammer Brevis.
"Can't go doin' that," said Gra
"Yes, but Desiderata didn't spend much time in these parts. It was the job. She was always going off to foreign parts."
"I can't be having with foreign parts," said Gra
"You've been to Ankh-Morpork," said Na
"No it's not. It's just a long way off. That's not the same as foreign. Foreign's where they gabble at you in heathen lingo and eat foreign muck and worship, you know, objects," said Gra
"She brought me back a nice blue and white plate once," said Na
"That's a point," said Gammer Brevis. "Someone'd better go and see to her cottage. She had quite a lot of good stuff there. It'd be dreadful to think of some thief getting in there and having a rummage."
"Can't imagine any thief'd want to break into a witch's - " Gra
"Yes," she said meekly. "Good idea. I'll see to it directly."
"No, I'll see to it," said Na
"No, you'll be wanting to get home early," said Gra
"Oh, it won't be any trouble at all," said Na
"You don't want to go tiring yourself out at your age," said Gra
They glared at one another.
"I really don't see that it matters," said Gammer Brevis. "You might as well go together rather than fight about it."
"I'm a bit busy tomorrow," said Gra