Survivor's Quest

"That's why I said they needed a new set of arrangements," Mara countered. "The old ones obviously weren't good enough."

"Mm," Luke said. "Maybe. Maybe not."

Mara looked sideways at him. "You have a thought?"

He shrugged, glancing casually behind them. "I don't know if it occurred to you, but we only have Fel's word that there were any data cards here in the first place."

"Or that he really did talk to Jinzler about them before di

Luke shook his head. "Not worth it. We definitely need to talk with him sometime before we get to Outbound Flight, but I don't want to do it with these burns distracting us. Besides, even if Fel did talk to him about Outbound Flight, it doesn't prove anything. By Fel's own admission he was trying to see what Jinzler knew about the mission. If Jinzler didn't have anything, but said he wanted to see Fel's records—"

"Records Fel didn't have," Mara murmured.

"Right—records he didn't have," Luke said, "then Fel would still have to fake a robbery. It'd be easier to fake it to us than wait until Jinzler came by."

"Except that we might catch him at it," Mara pointed out.

"You're forgetting the sequence of the conversation," Luke reminded her. "It wasn't until we told him we couldn't always catch people in lies that he even mentioned he had the data cards."

Mara played back the memory. Blasted if he wasn't right. "You're really making me look bad tonight," she growled. "I thought I was the one who was supposed to have had the investigative training."

"It's all the time I've spent hanging around Corran Horn," Luke said dryly. "Some of it rubs off on a person. Besides, you've got other things on your mind."

Mara felt her muscles stiffen. "What do you mean?" she asked cautiously.

He shrugged, too casually. "I was hoping you'd tell me," he said. "All I know is that there's something still churning around behind those beautiful green eyes of yours."

Mara snorted under her breath. "So it's flattery now, is it? That's a sure sign you've run out of logical arguments and persuasive skill."

"Or else it's a sign of my sincerity and commitment to your continued happiness as my wife and companion," Luke countered.

"Ooh—I like that," Mara said approvingly. "Commitment to my continued happiness. Make sure you use that one again sometime."

"I'll make a note," Luke promised. His smile faded into seriousness. "You know that I'm always ready to listen."

She caught his hand, squeezed it. "I know," she assured him. "And it's no big deal—really it isn't. I just have to do some thinking on my own before I can talk about it, that's all."

"Okay," Luke said, and she could feel his concern fading a little. But only a little. "Oh, and there's one more factor here we shouldn't forget. Fel's stormtrooper squad isn't exactly homogeneous."

Mara frowned. "Are you talking about that alien, Su-mil?"

"Yes," Luke said. "We don't know anything about him or his people, after all. It's possible he's ru

"Possible, but unlikely," Mara said, shaking her head. "The Five-Oh-First wasn't exactly your run-of-the-star-lane stormtrooper unit. They were an elite among elites, and I can't imagine Parck reviving it without holding to those standards."

"I didn't say it was likely," Luke reminded her mildly. "I would hope that Fel hadn't just thrown chance cubes when he picked his people for this mission. I just thought it was something we should keep in mind."

They did make one short side trip on the way back, stopping by the Jade Sabre to make sure she was properly locked down against intruders. After that admittedly snide comment to Fel, Mara knew she would never live it down if her own ship got broken into. Back in their quarters, they were preparing for bed when Formbi's official a

Later, lying beside Luke in the darkness, Mara stared at the ceiling and wondered what exactly was going on inside her.

It had come on so quickly, this quiet feeling of guilt that had suddenly taken hold of her like a hand gently gripping her throat. Suddenly, all the things she'd done through the years she was Palpatine's agent were coming back to haunt her. The heavy-handed investigations; the casual brushing aside of even the limited rights that had existed under the Empire; the summary judgments.

The summary killings.

But she'd put all that behind her. Hadn't she? She'd never truly been on the dark side, after all—Luke himself had pointed that out to her three years ago. She'd served Palpatine and the Empire as best and as honestly as she'd known how, based on the admittedly slanted information he'd given her. Certainly the fact that she was now a Jedi seemed to support the view that her actions were redeemable.

So what was it that was bringing all this back? Fel and his stormtroopers, the most visible image of Imperial rule and excesses? The mission itself and its constant reminder that the destruction of Outbound Flight had been one of Palpatine's early atrocities?

Or was it something else entirely, something more subtle? After all, Palpatine had paid for his deeds with his life. So had Darth Vader and Tarkin and all the other Grand Moffs. Even Thrawn, whom she now realized had probably been nobler than all the rest of them put together, was gone. Only she, Mara Jade, the Emperor's Hand, had survived.

Why?

She rolled uncomfortably over onto her side, transferring her stare from the darkness of the ceiling to the darkness on the far side of the room. Survivor's guilt, she remembered hearing someone call it once. Was that what Fel and Outbound Flight had sparked in her? If true, it was pretty stupid, particularly at this late date.

Unless it was what Luke had suggested earlier. That there were still things about the Empire that she was reluctant to let go of.

She took a deep breath, let it out quietly. Luke was still awake, too, she knew, watching her emotions swirl around, ready to join her in her struggle whenever she was ready to invite him in.

She reached over and found his hand. "We're supposed to be doing Jedi healing trances, right?" she murmured.

He took the hint. "Right," he murmured back. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she said. "Good night."

"Good night."

She closed her eyes, settling herself more comfortably against the pillow and stretching out to the Force. After all, Luke had accepted her, dark past and all. If he could do it, she certainly ought to be able to.

Mara's breathing slowed, her mind and emotions quieting as she slipped into the healing trance. Luke watched her lovingly as she went silent, then gently disengaged his hand from hers and rolled over to face the opposite wall. It had been a long and busy day, and he had his own burns to deal with. He'd best get to it.

But the calmness and concentration necessary for the healing trance refused to come. Something was going on aboard this ship, something wrapped in a dark and murky purpose. Someone aboard—maybe more than one someone—was going to Outbound Flight for some other reason besides respect or penance.

He shifted his shoulders uncomfortably beneath the weight of the blankets. But then, to be perfectly honest, didn't he have an ulterior reason of his own for being here?