Phules Paradise

"The reason we're both here," Brandy said, taking the lead, "is that we figure you'll have the same objection to either of us volunteering. This way, we only have to go over it once ... win or lose."

The commander nodded. "Very well. Proceed."

"The way we see it," the top sergeant continued, "you'll figure that we can't go under cover because of that pinup spread that we did with Mother-that we'd be recognized as part of the company."

"It's a factor I'd have to consider," Phule agreed. "Also, the fact that Super Gnat represented us in the fencing match with the Red Eagles, which was covered by the media."

"I was wearing a mask for most of that," Super Gnat said, waving a hand in vague dismissal.

"True, but you weren't wearing a mask for that photo session ... or much of anything else, as I recall."

"That's what we wanted to talk to you about," Brandy interrupted hastily. "We wanted to make the point that women can change their appearance dramatically with a change of hairstyle or color, or makeup, or wardrobe."

"Or just by putting our clothes on," Super Gnat added with a bawdy wink. "Tell me the truth, sir. When you look at one of those nudie photo spreads, how much time do you spend looking at the woman's face? Would you recognize her if you saw her on the street? Without a staple through her navel?"

"I ... I'll admit I never gave the subject much thought," Phule said. Though he tried not to show it, the conversation was making him uncomfortable ... just as the photo spread in question had when it first appeared. "If we accept for the moment that you can change your appearance sufficiently to avoid recognition, though, what would you do? Do you have any specific covers in mind?"

The Gnat shrugged. "No problem there. I used to do a little waitressing from time to time, both di

"I was thinking more in terms of working with the housekeeping staff," Brandy supplied. "That photo spread was fun, but I don't really see myself wearing one of those peek-a-boo outfits day in and day out. Having a legitimate excuse to be in and out of the guest rooms wouldn't be a bad idea, either."

The two looked at their commander expectantly.

"Actually," he said slowly, staring at his notepad, "the recognition problem wasn't my major concern. Super Gnat should be okay, but ..." He hesitated, then shrugged and looked at his top sergeant directly. "I'm not quite as comfortable with you going under cover, Brandy. I had been counting on you to help me ride herd on the company while it was standing normal duty. The fact is, Chocolate Harry and Escrima have already volunteered, and the cadre roster is starting to look a little thin even if you stuck around. With you gone ..." He let his voice trail off, then shook his head.

"I can see where that might be a problem, Captain. But ..." Brandy hesitated, then leaned forward slightly. "Can I speak candidly, sir?"

Phule nodded curtly.

"Well, you know how you got on my case when you first took over about being cynical and not trying? This is the first time in ... hell, I don't know how many years now, that I've volunteered for anything. Now that I'm moving, I'd kinda like to see it through. I'm not sure if I'm trying to prove something to you or to myself, but I'd like to give it a shot."

The commander pursed his lips and stared thoughtfully at his pad again, then realized there was really nothing to decide. If it came to choosing between making things easier for himself or helping Brandy rebuild her self-esteem, there was only one choice that would be acceptable to him.

"All right," he said, raising his eyes to look at them directly. "We'll tentatively figure you both for undercover volunteers. I'm going to want to see a demonstration of this hair and makeup thing, though. Shall we say, tomorrow afternoon?"

"No problem, sir ... and thank you, sir."

The two women rose and saluted, turning toward the door only after their salute was returned.

"Just one more thing ... Super Gnat?"

The little Legio

"Sir?"

"Have you discussed this with Tusk-anini? I don't mean to meddle, but he's very devoted to you."

At the mention of her partner, the Gnat's usual easy self-confidence wavered.

"I ... I know, sir ... And no, I haven't. I wanted to see if you figured I was acceptable first ... I'll go talk to him now. I think he'll understand. He may be devoted to me, but he practically worships you. You were the one who called for volunteers, and I'd be willing to bet he'd put his hand into a fire up to his elbow if you asked him to. He might not like my volunteering, but it'll be mostly because he can't volunteer himself. Give him some time and he'll get over it ... but even if he doesn't, he won't let it interfere with his performance."

Rather than being reassured, Phule again felt the pangs of discomfort at this testimonial.

"All right, Gnat. I'll leave it to you. Just let me know if-"

"Say, Captain ... Excuse me, Gnat."

Brandy had just poked her head in the door, interrupting the conversation.

"What is it, Top?"

"I was thinking about what you were saying-about being thin on cadre for normal duty. Anyway, it occurred to me that you might want to give Moustache a try as acting sergeant."

"Moustache?" The commander frowned, searching his memory.

"He got transferred in just before you did," Brandy supplied. "I'm not surprised you can't place him. He kind of blends in most of the time. It's my guess, though, that he's had some previous service time in the Regular Army, and probably as more than a line soldier."

"I'll keep that in mind, Brandy. Thanks!"

"You want me to get him for you? He's outside here in the volunteer line."

"That's all right. I'll handle him when his turn comes."

"So, anyway, I was thinking you might want to use me as a washroom attendant or a doorman, sir. I'd probably be a bit less conspicuous than most of the lads-what with my age and all."

Phule was studying the figure in front of him, noting details more than he was listening to the Legio

The man was above average height and barrel-chested, though his stern posture probably exaggerated both features. His head was as hairless as a billiard ball, except for the bright red handlebar moustache which dominated his face and gave him his Legion name. It occurred to Phule that that facial ornament was doubtlessly dyed, since, judging by the man's age as stated in his file, it should be white. As it was, the only clue to Moustache's advanced years was the wrinkled skin of his neck ... but even that wasn't noticeable unless one was actually looking for it.

"Hmmm?" The commander blinked, suddenly realizing the Legio

It was a clumsy gambit, but Phule was getting tired and was hard-pressed to find a tactful way around the Legion rule against inquiring into a Legio

"Found me out, did you, sir?" he said, breaking into a sudden smile. "Well, I suppose it was just a matter of time before it came out. Secrets don't last long in an outfit as tight as this one."

"Is that to say that you've had military experience prior to your signing on with the Space Legion?" the commander urged.