Phules Paradise

"As to your question," Beeker continued, "I imagine that my position is not unlike your own, in that since it is not high-profile, headline-quality work, people tend to assume that it's easy. The truth is that our work is extremely difficult. A special type of individual is required to merely survive, much less thrive, on the stressful decisions we must make daily. One must strike a balance between boldness and caution, theatrics and sincerity, all the while maintaining the open-mindedness and creativity necessary to deal with unforeseen situations. As you know, Mr. Bombest, there are no instruction manuals or college curriculums offered for our type of work. We each have to write our own book of rules from our personal experiences, then stand ready to break those rules should circumstances require it."

"You're right, Beeker," the manager said thoughtfully. "I guess I've known that all along, though not in those precise words. I just forget from time to time. Thanks for reminding me."

He thrust out his hand, and, after the briefest of pauses, the butler accepted it with a firm handshake.

Beeker reflected on his conversation with the hotel manager as he wandered into one of the casino's coffee shops.

It was occasionally difficult to recall, working as closely with his employer as he did, how intimidating most people found the name, much less the presence, of Willard Phule. A special effort had to be made to put such people at their ease before they could function at peak efficiency, and Bombest was a typical example.

Fortunately Phule had a simple formula for dealing with such situations. He sincerely believed that each person was special, though more often than not they were inclined to overlook their own assets. All he had to do was to point out what to him was obvious and express his appreciation, and the individual would respond with puppylike enthusiasm.

The butler helped himself to a cup of coffee, waving at the waitress, who returned his gesture with a smile. He was known here, and by now it was common knowledge among the help that serving himself would not be deducted from his tip.

It had been no major feat for Beeker to provide the necessary strokes for the hotel manager. Though he didn't completely embrace his employer's philosophy about the value of each individual, he was familiar enough with it and had witnessed its application often enough that he could easily play the part when it was necessary. What concerned him at the moment was that it should not have been necessary.

Phule was driving himself hard on this assignment, even harder than was normal. While Beeker had long since resigned himself to his employer's obsessive nature, he found this new pattern disturbing. Lack of sleep was making Phule irritable, particularly when reminded of some minor task or decision he had let slide in the midst of his frenzied, scattered schedule. While it might not be noticeable to the casual observer, it was apparent to those who worked with him normally. From what Beeker had heard and overheard, there was a growing tendency among Phule's subordinates to act independently rather than "bothering the captain with minor stuff." Even worse, they were then failing to notify him or deliberately withholding information regarding their activities.

While the butler would not directly betray a confidence or attempt to force advice on his employer, he was aware that if the situation got much worse, he would have to act within his powers to intervene.

Glancing around the coffee shop, Beeker noted with some satisfaction the absence of black uniforms. While he was always ready to listen to the Legio

He was about to select a booth by himself when a lone figure at a back table caught his eye and he changed his course in that direction.

"Good morning," he said warmly, pulling out a chair for himself. "Mind if I join you?"

Dark eyes rose from the book they had been reading and stared coldly at him from a chiseled ebony face.

"Excuse me? Do you know me?"

The chill in the voice surpassed that in the look, presupposing the answer for the question even as it was being asked.

"Only by reputation," the butler said, easing into the chair. "I simply thought I'd take this opportunity to meet you in person. Unless I'm mistaken, you're Laverna, currently in the employment of Maxine Pruet."

The slender woman leaned back in her chair, crossing her ankles and folding her arms across her chest.

"And who does that make you?"

"Ah. Apparently I lack your notoriety." The butler smiled, unruffled by Laverna's closed body language or the implied challenge in her voice. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Beeker. I am employed by Willard Phule-or Captain Jester, if you prefer-in a capacity not unlike your own, though I imagine with substantially less input in financial matters."

"You're what?"

"I'm his butler," Beeker said. "I buttle."

The temperature at the table dropped even further.

"So you're going to sit here at my table and try to pump me for information about Mrs. Pruet?" Her tone made it a statement rather than a question. "Look, Mr. Beeker, I don't get much time to myself, and this is it. I don't want to waste it playing twenty questions with some fool ... or his butler."

Beeker stared at her levelly for a moment, then stood up, gathering his coffee as he did.

"Forgive me for intruding on your privacy, Ms. Laverna," he said. "It seems I was mistaken."

"Don't go away mad," Laverna said with a sneer, and reached for her book once more.

"Not mad. Simply a

"How's that?"

"I pride myself in my judgment of people, Ms. Laverna," Beeker explained. "In fact, my effectiveness depends on it. I therefore find it a

"Mr. Beeker, I've been awake nearly thirty hours ru

The butler paused, then drew a deep, ragged breath.

"Forgive me," he said. "I'm rather tired myself. All I meant was, I had assumed that from what I had heard and considering your position, you would be a highly intelligent person-intelligent enough to realize that I would not expect you to divulge any information about your employer any more than I would volunteer information about mine. People in our position don't last long if they are careless with confidences. The trust required has to be earned and maintained, so when dealing with someone of a similar standing to my own, I assumed trustworthiness and expected it would be assumed in return."

Laverna weighed his words in silence for a few moments.

"So why did you come over, then?" she said finally.

Beeker gave a rueful smile.

"Strange as it may seem, considering the constant demands on our time, I was feeling lonely and thought perhaps you felt the same. In our positions as aides-de-camp to rather strongwilled people, it occurred to me that we probably have more in common with each other than we do with our respective employers."

A sudden smile split Laverna's face, uncharacteristic to anyone who knew her.

"Sit down, Mr. Beeker," she said, pulling out the chair next to her. "We may have things to talk about, after all. Nonspecific things, of course."

"Of course," the butler said, accepting the offered seat. "And it's 'Beeker' ... not `Mr. Beeker.'"

My first conversation with Laverna was pleasant, though tinged with irony.

I, of course, said nothing to indicate that my employer was aware of her employer's pla