Phules Paradise

"They'll claim you set them up," the younger Phule supplied. "Gee, that's tough, Dad."

"Whatever," Victor Phule said. "That's my problem, and I shouldn't let it interfere with us. So why did you call?"

From Beeker's vantage point, he could see his employer wince just a bit before answering as he realized he had inadvertently painted himself into a corner.

"I'll keep this short, realizing you're in the middle of a meeting," the commander said. "Basically, Dad, I need to borrow your Bug Squad. Rent them, actually."

It is to the elder Phule's credit that he did not indulge in any "I told you so's" at his son's expense, but instead simply addressed the problem at hand.

"My what?" he said, scowling.

"The Bug Squad," the Legio

"Oh. Them." Victor Phule nodded. "Sorry, son. I can't help you there."

"Come on, Dad," the commander said. "You know I wouldn't ask if I didn't really need them. Neither of us has time to play games on the price. I'll go two points on our next deal, but beyond that ..."

"Whoa! Hold it, Willie," the elder Phule said, holding up a restraining hand. "I didn't say I wouldn't help you. I said I couldn't! Albert and his team don't work for me anymore. They split off and formed their own company. Now I have to contract them myself for any work I need."

"I see," the Legio

"What do you mean?"

"Are you and Albert still on good terms, or is he going to dig in his heels if anyone mentions the name Phule to him?" the commander clarified. "It sounds like I'm going to have to approach him on my own, and I'm trying to figure out if I'll have to go through an intermediary or not."

"Oh, there were no hard feelings involved-at least, not from his side," Victor Phule said. "He's not an easy man to deal with, though. He doesn't even give me a discount for his services, even after I footed the bill while he recruited and trained the team he's ru

"Well, you didn't hire him for his personality," the Legio

"Don't start using quotes on me unless you want to soak up a few in return," the elder Phule warned dryly. "Now, are there any other nonproblems I can help you with? Like I said, I'm in the middle of a meeting."

"No, that covers it. If you can just tell me how to get through to Albert, I'll get out of your hair."

"Stay on the line and my secretary will give you that info," the elder Phule instructed. "I've got to run, myself. You know how your grandmother is if you keep her waiting too long."

"Grams?" The Legio

Phule grimaced. "That's right. And she's in one of her 'holy crusade' moods, and you know what that means."

The commander gave an exaggerated shudder in response.

"Well, good luck, Dad," he said. "No offense, but it sounds like you're going to need it. Say hello for me, if you think it will help."

"And listen to her run on about you and your Boy Scout troop again?" the elder Phule said. "Thanks, but no thanks. Got to go now ... My best to Beeker."

"So that's it in a nutshell, Albert," Phule concluded. "Can you help me?"

The holo-image of the computer specialist nodded slowly. It had the pale, unripened complexion of someone who habitually uses a cathode-ray tube for a sunlamp.

"I'll have to pull a couple people off other things, but yes, I think we can handle it."

"Good," the commander said. "How soon can we look for you?"

"I'll have to check the flight schedules, but I imagine we can be there in a couple of weeks. It's not that far from where we are now."

"Not fast enough," Phule said, shaking his head. "We've got to have things fixed before the grand opening, and that's in a week. Charter a ship if you have to, but-"

"Impossible," Albert interrupted, shaking his head. "We might be able to get there in a week, but to diagnose any program problems, much less fix them, simply can't be done in that time frame."

"Double your fee," the commander said flatly.

"But then again," the analyst said, without blinking an eye, "if you can download the programs to us so we can be going over them in flight, all we'll have to do on-site is load the revisions. It'll be tight, but I guess we can manage."

"Right." Phule nodded. "A pleasure doing business with you Albert."

He broke the co

"Well, at least that's taken care of."

"If you say so, sir."

The commander cocked an eyebrow at his butler.

"I know that tone of voice, Beek," he said. "What's the problem?"

"If I might ask a question, sir?"

"You mean why don't I just loan Rafael the money to pay off Maxine?" The commander shook his head. "Aside from the ethical question involved with buying our way out of a problem this big, there's the matter of sheer logistics. The kind of money we'd need I don't have in ready cash. It would mean having to liquidate some of my long-term assets, which I don't want to do, and even if I did, it would take more time than we have. Max wants the casino, and she's not about to let Rafael off the hook for anything less than cash on the barrelhead."

"I understand, sir," Beeker said. "However, if I may, that wasn't my question."

"Oh?"

"If I heard correctly, you were instructing Albert and his ... Bug Squad ... to focus their attention primarily on detecting and correcting any computer programming inconsistencies applying to the video slots in the casino. Is that correct?"

"That's our biggest vulnerability. Yes."

"Well, I can't help but wonder, sir, if it's wise to completely ignore the other areas which might be affected by computer tampering. It's been my experience that the people who program computers are very much like the machines themselves when it comes to dealing with users. They do specifically what they're instructed to-usually-but seldom anything else. That is, I doubt they will address any of the other problem areas under their current instructions."

"C'mon, Beek," Phule protested. "You heard him. They're going to be hard-pressed to fix the slots in the time frame we've got. Any other assignments will only slow things up."

"Then you may have to consider alternative solutions to the other problem areas ... sir," the butler said blandly.

"But they're only ..." The commander caught himself and stopped, rubbing one hand across his eyes. "Okay, Beeker. Out with it. Which areas other than the slots are you worried about?"

"Well, sir, if I understand the situation, the computer also controls the lights and sound system for the showroom stage."

"That's right. So?"

"I believe, sir, that the showroom and its featured entertainers are one of the primary draws the casino uses to attract its clientele. In short, if there's no show, there may not be many people attending the opening to play the slots, making the question of the slots program relatively irrelevant."

"I see," Phule said. "Then we-"

"What's more," the butler said as if he hadn't been interrupted, "I believe that Mr. Gunther has booked Dee Dee Watkins for the opening, and-"

"Who?"

Beeker rolled his eyes in not so mock exasperation.

"Really, sir," he said. "You really should read more than the financial pages once in a while. Dee Dee Watkins has been a rising holo star for several years now, and she's just put together a nightclub act tour, which is supposed to premiere at the grand opening."

"Oh."

"Not quite yet, sir," the butler corrected. "You see, while I have not had the privilege of reviewing Ms. Watkins's contract personally, my recent experience with Lieutenant Rembrandt while hiring our own actors leads me to believe that a performer of her standing will have a clause in her bookings requiring that she be paid in full even if she does not perform, providing the reason for her performance is a failure on the part of the booking party to supply stage equipment of at least minimal professional standards-which I would assume includes lights and a functioning sound system. I would further assume that her fees for performing, while, perhaps, not of the same magnitude as the potential losses from multiple jackpots at the video slots, are, nonetheless, substantial-and I know how you dislike paying people not to perform their contracted services."