Myth Alliances

"All right, make way!" Another police officer came bustling up. The first one held out a palm.

"Magik dispeller," he demanded. The second officer slapped a wand into his hand. The first officer pushed a small stud on the handle and leveled it at me. I saw the faces of the crowd change as my disguise was stripped from me.

"A Klahd," the officer sniffed in disgust. "What do you think you're doing here?"

"My name is Skeeve," I croaked. "I'm here to save you."

"Crazy, too," the second officer opined.

"No, really!" I protested. "You're all in danger."

"Save us, eh?" the officer in charge queried. "Is that why you stood on the courthouse steps screaming like a fool? If you have evidence that Scamaroni is in some kind of peril why didn't you go to our government and make your case?"

"I…" I was starting to wonder that myself. I couldn't tell him that Zol Icty had told me to. I was begi

It looked as though Officer Two agreed with me privately, but Officer One was not amused. His voice was even and calm, as though he was talking to a very small child. "So tell me why you caused a riot."

"The glasses," I began, feeling a little foolish. "They're part of a big plot."

"So you said."

"The people who made them want to take over your dimension."

The brow ridges went up again. "And you have proof of this?"

"You have to take me seriously," I insisted. I gestured at the angry people around me. Tananda, Zol and Bu

"They had these glasses?"

"Well, no… but it's the same ten Perverts. They've conquered one world, and yours is next!"

"Uh-huh," the officer said, still in the same patient voice. He exchanged a look with the other officer, who tapped his chin with a forefinger. It must be the local gesture for "nut case." I started to protest.

"… And I had mountains of treasure! Gold! Jewels! Silver! But I used that cheap stuff only to scratch my back," added the female Scammie, escorted into our little circle by a third policeman, "until that imbecile destroyed my storytelling goggles, and I got yanked out of my beautiful dream!"

"You see?" I stated, indicating the female. "It's clouding your minds."

"So what?" the female asked, her trunk rampant with disapproval. "I was loving it!"

"But what about your productivity?" I said, begi

"The makers of these things want to control you, maybe bleed you dry," I insisted.

"Twenty gold pieces is steep," the woman admitted, "but it's worth it! I've wandered in beautiful places, free as a greblich!"

"No, it won't stop there," I warned, looking about at all the hostile faces in the circle. "They'll take over your dimension while you're not looking."

A male Scammie poked me in the stomach. "So what? If we're happy, how bad could that be?"

The first officer put his free hand on his hip. "Have you ever even tried these things yourself?"

"No," I admitted. "But I know what they can do…"

"Well, here." He plucked the goggles off one of the bystanders. The owner's eyes flew wide in alarm, but calmed down when he saw a law officer holding them. He started to put them on my face.

"No!" I protested, throwing up my hands. "They'll enchant me!" The cop shrugged and handed them back. The owner went to put them back on. I couldn't let him be dragged back into the spell. I raised my hands and made a twisting motion. The owner cried out in alarm.

"You'll thank me later," I tried to say, as he went for my throat. All three police officers pulled him back. He shook his fist over their shoulders.

"You… you vandal!" he yelled, his nose-trunk erect in outrage. "Aargh! That's the last time I help the police!"

"Look," I said, desperately, "You don't know what they're doing to you. Today it seems like you're just enjoying harmless fantasies, but before you know it you'll be their slaves. I'll reimburse everyone for their glasses— wholesale cost," I amended hastily. If I'd learned anything from Aahz, it was never pay the full price for replacement of an item. If I had ever agreed to give anyone the retail value of an item I had broken Aahz would have rolled his eyes right around inside his head. "They're harming you. Trust me."

The more I protested, the more faces I saw becoming thoughtful.

"Maybe he's on to something," a narrow-faced woman mused, tilting her head. "I never considered it more than a toy… but you never know what extra spells might be tucked in there. I've heard all kinds of things happen to people. You read about it in the news all the time."

"Hah," a young male sneered. "He's just jealous that he doesn't have his own goggles. Can't afford to buy one for yourself, Klahd?"

"I bet he works for a rival toymaker," an elderly female shrilled. "He doesn't like theirs, but we should buy yours, isn't that right, stinky?"

"No, it's not like that at all!"

The first policeman held up his hands. "All right, all right, calm down. We'll get to the bottom of this. We'll have the goggles inspected to make sure they don't cause any harm to any of you. In the meantime, give your names to Officer Koblinz, and we'll notify you when we've finished our investigation. Move along! Move along! Clear the road!"

The Scammies, grumbling, obeyed the first policeman's commands. Officer Two, Koblinz, took a pad of paper out of his pocket. Names magikally limned themselves down the index. He nodded and put it away.

"You can better believe we're going to get to the bottom of this," he promised.

"That's a relief," I breathed. Very quickly traffic returned to normal, and the complainants departed. "Well, thanks a lot." I spotted an alley where I could retrieve the D-hopper out of my boot in private, and started towards it.

"And where do you think you're going?" Officer One asked, grabbing me by the back of my collar. I struggled to pry myself loose, even using a flick of power, but he had a good grip on me.

"I've got to get back to my work," I told him. "I told you, those Pervects have a grip on another helpless dimension."

"You're not going anywhere!"

"What? Why?"

Officer One looked at me as though I was an idiot. "You're still under arrest for destroying personal property."

"But, gee, I said I'd pay for them," I protested.

"Nothing doing," he said, hauling me by my collar down the sidewalk to a waiting rat-horse cart. "Restitution will be part of the sentence. You're still being held for assault on sixty or eighty persons, destruction of property, causing a nuisance on the public highway with that sick rorse of yours, creating an affray…"

"A what?" I asked.

The officer sighed, as if he had never met such a stupid being in his life. "Causing a riot, if you prefer it like that. The judge is really going to throw the book at you."

"What's the usual penalty for causing an affray?" I asked.

"Oh, thirty or forty days. But with all the other charges added on you're likely going to spend the rest of your life in here."

"Perhaps I could talk to the judge," I offered, stumbling as I climbed into the cart. "Arrange a payment schedule, and apologize to the Scammies I have offended?"