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There were no escape clauses, or so he had been informed. Again, he knew he would never test that either. If he tried to write of his experiences, the result would be the same. Asked questions that strayed onto forbidden ground, he could not even say yes or no; "no comment" was a permissible reply, and "mind your own business" was even better. Safest of all was to tell an interrogator nothing.
The system had a certain beauty if one was not its victim. So far as Chris could see, it was infallible. All visitors to Gaea had to ride in her capsular elevator system even to reach the i
Chris had found it best to observe absolute circumspection with anyone but Robin, Valiha, or other Titanides. There were other humans in Gaea who knew what he knew, but it was hard to be sure who they were. Unless he was positive, he would get a warning twinge like a toothache by opening his mouth to talk about the trip. It was all he needed. One dose of Gaea's aversive conditioning had been enough.
Robin had filled one bag and was starting on another. Chris saw her pick up a small thermometer, consider it, and toss it in the sack. He could imagine her problem. A lot of the equipment she had taken on the trip had acquired a sentimental value. On top of that, since their return it seemed that every Titanide in town wanted to stop by and make them a gift of some lovely trinket. They had run out of shelf space in Valiha's home to display all his booty.
"I still don't understand all this," Robin said, carefully wrapping tissue paper around an exquisitely carved set of wooden knives, forks, and spoons. "I'm not complaining-except that I don't know how I'm going to pack it all-but why do we rate this stuff? We didn't do anything for them."
"Valiha explained it, in a way," Chris said. "We're sort of famous. Not like Cirocco, but moderately. We were pilgrims, and we came back cured, so Gaea judged us heroes. That means we're worthy of gifts. Also, Titanides will protest all day long that they're not superstitious, but to have survived what we did, they figure we're pretty lucky. They hope some of it will rub off if they're nice to us, come next Carnival time." He looked down at his hands. "With me there's another reason. Call it the welcome wagon or a bridal shower. I'm going to be part of the community. They want to make me feel at home."
Robin looked at him, opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again. She resumed her packing.
"You think I'm making a mistake," Chris said.
"I didn't say that. I never would, I guess, even if I did think that, but I don't. I know what Valiha means to you. At least I think I do, though I've never felt that way about anyone, myself."
"I think you're making a mistake," Chris said.
Robin threw up her hands, turned, and shouted at him. "Listen to you. Suddenly I'm the diplomatic one and you just say any old thing that comes into your head. Damn you! I was trying to be nice, but I could have said that I know you're not sure of what you're doing. Not completely sure. You're going to fear Gaea for the rest of your life, for one thing, and for another, you don't know yet just how it will make you feel when Valiha brings home her other lovers. You think you can live with that, but you're not sure."
"Can I apologize?"
"Just a minute, I'm not through shouting yet." But then she shrugged, sat on the bed beside him, and went on in a quieter voice.
"I don't know if I'm making a mistake, either. Trini..." She shook her head furiously. "I've had my eyes opened to a lot of things in here, not all of them bad. I'm scared that the ways I've been changed will make it very hard for me back home. And speaking of home, some days I can hardly remember what it looks like. I feel I've been here a million years. I've learned that some things my sisters believe are just fairy tales, and I don't think I'll be able to tell them that."
"Which things?"
She looked sideways at him, and one corner of her mouth curled.
"You want the final report of the woman from Mars, huh? Okay. What I know for sure is that the human penis is not as long as my arm, no matter what men might wish. My mother was dead wrong about that. She was off base to say that all men want to rape all women all the time. And to say that all men are evil.
"But I've been doing a lot of talking to Trini these days. It's the first chance I've had to spend some time with a woman who knows Earth society. I find there were some exaggerations. The system of repression and exploitation is not as bad or as open as I was led to believe, but it's there, still, even after the century my sisters have held themselves away from it. I asked myself if I would advise making any changes in the Coven, and my answer is no. If I had found a completely equal society, my answer might have been different, but I'm not sure even then. What purpose would it serve? We're doing fine. There is nothing abnormal about us. Very, very few of my sisters could ever trust a man at all, much less love one, so what would we do back on Earth?"
"I can't imagine," Chris said. He thought it sounded too disapproving, so he added, "I don't have any quarrel with the Coven. I didn't mean for you to defend your way of life to me. It needs no defense."
Robin shrugged again. "Maybe some of it does, or I wouldn't have jumped into it so rapidly. It doesn't worry me too much. It will be hard at first to keep my mouth shut about some of the things I've learned, but it will be good practice for the other things I'll have to keep my mouth shut about."
They sat together without saying anything for a while, each wrapped in private thoughts. Chris was thinking about what he felt had almost happened between them-or the door that had almost opened to allow the possibility of something happening. It was too remote for speculation. He had felt a great deal of respect and affection for the fiery young woman she had been. She was slightly subdued now, but far from beaten down, and his affection was unchanged.
He had a thought and decided to take a chance on it.
"I wouldn't worry too much about your standing in the community," he said.
"How do you mean?"
"Your new finger. There must be tremendous labra in growing one back."
She stared at her hand for a moment, then gri
"You know, I think you're right."
He went to the room's single window, looked down at Valiha patiently waiting at the foot of the stairs.
"What time does your ship leave?"
She glanced at her wristwatch, and Chris smiled. He was wearing one, too. They shared a compulsion always to know what time it was.
"I've still got a deka-ten hours."
"Valiha made a picnic lunch. She has a nice cool spot in mind, down by the river. We were going to invite you anyway, but now it can be a farewell party. Will you come?"
She smiled at him. "I'd love to. Let me get this stuff packed."
He helped her, and soon three bulging sacks were lined up on the floor. Robin lifted two and struggled with the third.
"Can I give you a hand?"
"No, I can ... what am I talking about? I'll take these, and you grab that one. We can leave them at the desk, and they'll send them to the ship."
He followed her out of the room and down the stairs, helped her check the luggage. They joined Valiha and Serpent. The four of them walked at a leisurely pace out from under the Titantown tree to find themselves under the titanic arch of Gaea's Hyperion window. The day was hot with a slight breeze blowing from Oceanus, promising cooler weather. There was a haze in the air, its source a remote spot in the highlands where Cirocco's air force had found a fuel-producing creature, parent and succorer to the buzz bombs. It had been blazing for half a kilorev.