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"Not from around here, eh?" the cop snarled. "So tell me, Mr. Can't-Walk-Like-Normal-Folks-Skeeve, just where is it you're from... exactly."
So much for keeping my origins a secret. "Well, I was born on Klah, but lately I've been living at the Bazaar at Deva where I..."
"From off-dimension! I might have known. I suppose comin' from Deva that you're going to try to tell me you're here on business."
"Well, sort of. I'm here looking for my business partner."
"Another one from off-dimension! Any more and we'll have to fumigate the whole place."
The cop's mouth was starting to get on my nerves, but I thought it wise to keep a rein on my temper, despite the warning from Kalvin.
"Actually, he's from here. That is, he's a Pervect."
"A Pervect? Now I've heard everything. A fellow from off-dimension who claims to have a Pervect for a business partner!"
That did it.
"That's right!" I barked. "What's more, he happens to be my best friend. We had a fight and I'm trying to find him and get him to rejoin the company. What's it to you, anyway?"
The cop gave ground a little, then scowled at me. "Well, I guess you're tellin' the truth. Even someone from off-dimension could come up with a better lie than that. Just watch your step, fella. We don't like outsiders much on Perv."
He gave me one last hard glare, then wandered off, glancing back at me from time to time. Still a little hot under the collar, I matched him glare for glare.
"That's better," Kalvin chortled, reminding me of his presence. "A Klahd, huh? That explains a few things.."
"Oh, yeah? Like what?"
Like I said, I was still a little miffed.
"Like why we've been wandering around without a plan. You aren't used to metropolises this size, are you?"
Mad as I was, I couldn't argue with that.
"Well..."
"If you don't mind, could I offer you a little advice without your asking for it?"
I shrugged non-committally.
"It's obvious to me this little search of yours could take some time. It might be a good idea if we hunted up a hotel to use for a base camp. If that cop had asked where you were staying on Perv, things might have gotten a little awkward."
That made sense. It also brought home to me just how much of a stranger in a strange land I was. On most of my adventures I had either slept under the stars or had housing provided by friends or business associates. Consequently, I had remarkably little experience with hotels... like none.
"Thanks, Kalvin," I said, regaining a bit of my normal composure. "So how do you recommend we find a hotel?"
"We could hail a cab and ask the driver." Terrific. The Djin was being his normal, helpful self. I was begi
Chapter Four:
"Taxis are water soluble."
-G. KELLY
"I'LL TELL YA, this would be a pretty nice place, if it weren't for all the Perverts."
The taxi driver said this the same way he had made all his comments since picking us up: over his shoulder while carelessly steering his vehicle full tilt through the melee of traffic.
I had ignored most of his chatter, which didn't seem to bother him. He apparently didn't expect a response, but this last comment caught my interest.
"Excuse me, but aren't you a Pervert... I mean, a Pervect?"
The driver nodded vigorously and half turned in his seat to face me.
"There. See what I mean?"
Frankly, I didn't. If there was logic in his statement, it escaped my comprehension. What I did see, however, was that we were still plunging forward without slacking our speed. There was a tangle of stopped vehicles ahead which the driver seemed obliyious to as he tried to make his conversational point. A collision seemed inescapable.
"Look out!" I shouted, pointing frantically at the obstructions.
Without losing eye contact, the driver's hand lashed out and smashed down on the toy stuffed goose that was taped down in front of him. The thing let out a harsh, tremendous "HONK!!" that would have gotten it named king of the geese if they ever held an election.
"Anyway, that's what I'm talkin' about." The driver finished and turned his attention forward again. The traffic jam had miraculously melted away before he had finished speaking, and we sailed through the intersection unscathed.
"Relax, Skeeve," Kalvin laughed. "This guy's a professional."
"A professional what?" I muttered.
"How's that?" the driver said, starting to turn again.
"NOTHING! I... nothing."
I had been unimpressed with the taxi since it had picked us up. Actually, ‘picked us up' is much too mild a phrase and doesn't begin to convey what had actually happened. Following Kalvin's instructions, I had stepped to the curb and raised my hand.
"Like this?" I said, making the mistake of turning my head to ask him directly.
Facing away from the street, I missed what happened next, which is probably just as well. The normal traffic din suddenly erupted with shrieks and crashes. Startled, I jerked my hand back and jumped sideways to a spot a safer distance from the street. By the time I focused on the scene, most of the noise and the action had ceased. Traffic was backed up behind the vehicle crouched at the curb beside us, and blocked drivers were leaning out to shout and/or shake their fists threateningly. There may have been a few collisions, but the condition of most of the vehicles on the street was such that I couldn't be certain which damages were new and which were scars from earlier skirmishes.
"That's right," Kalvin said, apparently unruffled by the mayhem which had just transpired. "Get in."
"You're kidding!"
The vehicle which had stopped for us was not one to I inspire confidence. It was sort of a box-like contraption hanging between two low-slung, tailless lizards. The reptiles had blindfolds wrapped around their head obscuring their eyes, but they kept casting from side to side while their tongues lashed in and out questing for data on their surroundings. Simply put, they looked powerful and hungry enough for me to want to keep my distance.
"Maybe we should wait for another one," I suggested hopefully.
"Get in," the Djin ordered. "If we block traffic too long the cop will be back."
That was sufficient incentive for me, and I bravely entered the box and took a seat behind the driver, Kalvin never leaving my shoulder. The interior of the box seemed safe enough. There were two seats in the rear where I was sitting, and another beside the driver, although the latter seemed filled to overflowing with papers and boxes that would occasionally spill to the floor when we took a corner too fast... which was always. There were notes and pictures pi
"Where to?" the driver said, casually forcing his vehicle back into the flow of traffic.
"Urn, just take me to a hotel."
"Expensive... cheap... what?"
"Oh, something moderate, maybe a bit on the inexpensive side."
"Right."
I was actually pretty well set financially. A money belt around my waist had over two thousand in gold I had brought along to cover expenses on my search. Still, there was no sense throwing it away needlessly, and I figured since didn't plan to spend much time in my room, I wouldn't need anything particularly grand.
Within the first few blocks, however, I had pause to reconsider the wisdom of my choice of vehicles. As far as I could tell, the lizards were blindfolded to prevent their animal survival instinct from interfering with the driver's orders. I couldn't figure out how he was controlling them but he seemed determined to maintain a breakneck pace regardless of minor considerations like safety and common sense.