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Chapter Eighteen:
" ‘M' is for the many things she taught me..."
—OEDIPUS
THE SEARCH FOR the address the record keeper had given me led us onto some of the dimension's side streets which made up the residential areas. Though at first Perv seems to be composed entirely of businesses, there is also a thriving neighborhood community just a few steps off the main business and transportation drags.
I'll admit to not being thrilled by the neighborhood Aahz's mother lived in once we found it. Not that it looked particularly rough or dirty... at least no dirtier than the rest of the dimension. It's just that it was... well, shabby. The buildings and streets were so run-down that I found it depressing to think anyone, much less the mother of a friend of mine, would live there.
"I'll wait for you here on the street," Pookie a
I looked at her, surprised.
"Aren't you coming in?"
"I figure it's more important to guard your escape route," she said. "I don't think there's any danger inside, unless the place falls down when you knock on the door... and I couldn't help there anyway. Why? Are you expecting more trouble than you can handle from one old lady?"
Since I didn't have a snappy retort for that, I proceeded up the porch steps to the door. There was a list of names with a row of buttons beside them. I found the name of Aahz's mother with no difficulty, and pressed the button next to it.
A few moments later, a voice suddenly rasped from the wall next to my elbow.
"Who is it?"
It only took a few seconds for me to figure out that it was some kind of speaker system.
"It's... I'ma friend of your son, Aahz... Aahzmandius, that is. I was wondering if I might talk to you for a few moments?"
There was a long pause before the reply came back. "I suppose if you're already here I might as well talk to you. Come right up."
There was a sudden raucous buzzing at the door. I waited patiently, and in a few moments it stopped. I continued waiting.
"Are you still down there?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"Why?"
"Excuse me?"
"Why didn't you open the door and come in when I buzzed you through?"
"Oh, is that what that was? I'm sorry, I didn't know. Could you... buzz me through again?"
"What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a remote lock before?"
I suppose it was meant as a rhetorical question, but my a
This time, I managed to get the door open before the buzzing stopped, and stepped through into the vestibule. The lighting was dim, and got downright dark after I let the door shut. I started to open it again to get my bearings, but pulled my hand back at the last minute. It might set off an alarm somewhere, and if there was one thing I didn't need right now it was more trouble.
Slowly my eyes adjusted to the shadowy dimness, and I could make out a narrow hall with an even narrower flight of stairs which vanished into the gloom above. "Come right up" she had said, so I took her literally and started up the stairs... hoping all the while I was right. After ascending several flights, this hope was becoming fervent. There was no sign of habitation on any of the halls I passed, and the way the stairs creaked and groaned under me, I wasn't at all sure I wasn't heading into a condemned area of the building.
Just when I was about to yield to my fears and retreat to the ground floor, the stairs ended. The apartment I was looking for was right across the hall from where I stood, so I had little choice but to proceed. Raising my hand, I knocked gently, afraid that anything more violent might trigger a catastrophic chain reaction.
"Come in! It's open!"
Summoning my courage, I let myself in.
The place was both tiny and jammed with clutter. I had the impression one could reach out one's arms and touch the opposing walls simultaneously. In fact, I had to fight against the impulse to do exactly that, as the walls and their contents appeared to be on the brink of caving in. I think it was then I discovered that I was mildly claustrophobic.
"So you're a friend of that no-account Aahzmandius. I knew he'd come to no good, but I never dreamed he'd sink so low as to hang around with a Klahd." This last was uttered by what had to be Aahz's mother... it had to be because she was the only person in the room besides myself! My eye had passed over her at first, she was so much a part of the apartment, but once she drew my attention, she seemed to dominate the entire environ... if not the whole dimension.
Remember when I said that Pookie was one of two types of females I had noted on Perv? Well, Aahz's mother was the other type. While Pookie was sleek and muscular in an almost serpentine way, the figure before me resembled nothing so much as a huge toad... a green, scaly, reptilian toad. (I have since had it pointed out to me that toads are amphibians and not reptiles, but at the time that's what she made me think of.)
She was dressed in a baggy housecoat which made her seem even more bloated than she really was. The low, stuffed chair she was sitting in was almost obscured from view by her bulk, which seemed to swell over the sides of the chair and flow onto the mottled carpet. There was a tangle of white string on her lap which she jabbed at viciously with a small, barbed stick she was holding. At first, it gave the illusion she was torturing string, but then I noticed there were similar masses draped over nearly every available flat surface in the apartment, and concluded that she was involved in some kind of craft project, the nature of which was beyond my knowledge or appreciation.
"Good afternoon, Mrs... ."
"Call me Duchess," she snapped. "Everyone does. Don't know why, though... haven't had royalty on this dimension for generations. Beheaded them all and divvied up their property... those were the days!" She smacked her lips at the memory, though of royalty or beheadings I wasn't sure, and pointed vaguely at the far wall. I looked, half expecting to see a head mounted on a plaque, then realized she was pointing at a faded picture hanging there. I also realized I couldn't make it out through the dust and grime on its surface.
"It's the maid's day off," the Duchess said sharply, noting my expression. " Can't get decent work out of domestics since they outlawed flogging!"
I have seldom heard such an obvious lie... about the maid, I mean, not the flogging. The cobwebs, dust, and litter which were prevalent everywhere could not have accumulated in a day... or in a year for that matter. The shelves and cases throughout the room were jammed with the tackiest collection of bric-a-brac and dustcatchers it had ever been my misfortune to behold, and every dustcatcher had caught its capacity and more. I had no idea why the Duchess felt it necessary to imply she had servants when she obviously had little regard for me, but there was no point in letting her know I didn't believe her.
"Yes. Well... Duchess, I've been trying to locate your son, Aahz... mandius, and was hoping you might have some information as to his whereabouts."
"Aahzmandius? That wastrel?" Her narrow yellow eyes seemed to glow angrily. "If I had any idea where he was, do you think I'd be sitting here?"
"Wastrel?"
I was starting to wonder if we were talking about the same Aahz.
"What would you call it?" she snapped. "He hasn't sent me a cent since he left school. That means he's spending so much on himself there's nothing left to share with the family that nurtured him and raised him and made him what he is today. How does he expect me to maintain the lifestyle expected of our family, much less keep up my investing, if he doesn't send me any money?"